The Dutch Files

I spent my coming down from a high weekend mostly vegetating on the couch and tweaking the blog, blogdoctah-ing for others, downloading new plugins, fucking around with avatars, comment preview, and downloading updates for my laptop virusscan (holy fucking shit, those programs are thé devil: I had to install that 3 times before it would actually work!)…

So if you have paid attention to this blog’s comment section you will have noticed that I have finally gotten ’round to publishing y’all avatars with the comments. But holy cow! There’s a lot of y’all that actually have no avatar, is there? As you have noticed that means that you are now a person with a bag over their head, avatar-wise. If you would like a personal avatar to appear with your comments on ány blog, go to www.gravatar.com and download your personal avatar. It dead-easy, I promise you, to register one over there and it links to the email address you use in comment forms (so be sure to register that particular email address) and it will make my comments section look so much more colorful! It will be like you are all visiting me in person… well, sorta anyway…

Also got around to dowloading Live Comment Preview, so you can see what your comment is gunna look like after you click the “Publish” button. I thought that was a nice feature too. I know many of you already had that, but this was one of the things that I still hadn’t gotten ’round to.

And I got assistance from The Guy last week in downloading WP-User Online and IP@nation plugins so I can now see your ass when you are reading or lurking around on my blog! Yep! You bettah believe it! Big DutchBitch is Watching You! Heh!

All the plugins that I use are now neatly put together in the PlugIn’s page (see tab “Plugins“). Check it out if you like and holler if you need assistance in putting any of them on your own blog. Most of you are total blog wizards, already have all the plugins and more nor need my humble assistance, I know, but if you do, no need to hesitate!

Tried to get more hang of my cpanel at the hosting service and I think I got a tad more understanding of it again than I used to have. So I am ready to host other blogs on there now, I think.

Got some fun banner work done for a few bloggy friends, like this one. I tweaking banners and themes. I couldn’t code a theme or template design from scratch, though, if my life depended on it. Hail to the people like Tattooed Momma who can do that shit.

Reloaded my Boost application for Facebook. That one is fun! You can customize your Facebook page (unfortunately only for you to see) and can receive pop up messages of anything action of your friends -customizable in the settings, thru the Boost toolbar- like when people are changing their status message, friend requests, and whatever else. Me likey! I had downloaded it before and then deactivated it, but I decided to reactivate it again.

Shame Boost doesn’t set off a “you are about to be ticketed in Parking Wars-alarm“. Still, while you were sleeping (hurray for time zones!) I did earn 2 new badges on there. Hell Yeah, I managed 100 consecutive cash ins without getting a ticket ánd parked 5 cars illegally on Ginormous Boobs street without her even noticing, earning me the “outlaw” badge. And I am pretty sure she didn’t feel any of it… seriously! I managed to get in and out without even brushing those Ginormous Boobs (and I can tell ya: it’s not easy maneuvering 5 cars past such boobs, ya know!)

So I guess you could say I pretty much had a Tech / Facebook weekend… I think I am pretty much up to date with my tech shit for now… Until I obviously get itchy again and need to change things around and add stuff and ya know… It’s like Blog PMS… I guess…

Picture this…

I am driving out of the medical center parking facility after a typical day at the office. Well, ok, so honestly, a day with me is nevah a “typical” day at the office as it’s always a GUH-REAT day at the office.. but ya know… let’s just say for arguments sake that it was a typical day…

I drive out of the parking facility and drive on to the roundabout that is near there. The traffic ON the roundabout has the right of way to other cars coming onto the roundabout, bút it doesn’t to pedestrians or cyclists on the path surrounding the roundabout. So typically, at the time everyone is getting out of the office ready to go home that roundabout is friggin busy… and it is hard for the traffic that is not ón there to find a gap to get on…

So being the decent person that I am, what I will do during such roundabout traffic jams is allow the car that I encounter at one of those entrance points thru. I mean, ya know, if everyone lets at least one car pass and get on, the world will be a better place, right? Well, sorta…

So I let this car get on, woman driver, woman passenger, and sure enough she made use of my leaving room for her to get on… She smiled… and she put her hand up as a sign of appreciation…

AT THE DRIVER IN FRONT OF HER!!!

(yes, that did say “in front of her” there)

* blank stare *

Uhm… SchgweetieHuneyBabeeee… The driver in front of you was not the one that allowed you to get on this busy roundabout in this busy ass shit traffi… It was actually the driver behind you… Being… ME!

Then I got behind her and saw her number plate… French…

Guess it must be a French thing… Right?

Right? Froggy?

Dear Asshole Stairs Guy,

Next time you walk down the stairs behind me, those parking facility stairs, on an early office morning and feel “stuck” behind me… mumbling “%@!! fucking practical those are %@!! those fucking high heeled shoes %@!! don’t know why the hell women wear them anyway %@!! and then taking the fucking stairs %@!!”

Remember this:

• This IS a free country last time I checked
• Stop whining. I walk down stairs on heels as fast as the next person.
• You CAN in fact kick it up a notch and pass me on the left side of the staircase, plenty of room
• I take the stairs on my way down from the 9th floor cuz it’s about the only exercise I DO get on a typical day in the office: walking stairs
• I wear the fucking high heeled shoes cuz I like wearing them
• And guess what, if you would get your head out of your ass for a second you’d notice: I look fucking good in them!
• Which can’t be said for you who couldn’t even be bothered to neatly zip up yer pants
• Nor find a matching pair of socks
• Nor find a comb to run thru your hair
• You KNOW you love a woman wearing fucking high heeled shoes when it suits you
• and finally: Let’s see you do any better walking down shitty parking facility concrete stairs in 4-5 INCH HEELS!!! You’ll trip and fall flat on your shitface face

Yah! That’s it… Fuck off! Next time I will “let” you pass me on the stairs, happily, so I can plant my heels in your big fat asshole ass, just before I dropkick you down those stairs and walk allllll over you…

Bear with me, ok? Offices in Dutchyland were closed yesterday so THIS is my Monday and I am not liking it one bit…

Especially since yesterday, my actual Monday, I spent half the day up to my armpits in muck cuz my kitchen sink was clogged… You would think that after a week’s worth of dishwashing glasses with alcohol residue that would not be possible but lemmetellya: i.t i.s.

I was totally done with the day already early this morning, even before arriving at the office, as I spent most of the night hunting down a huge mosquito that was making my life and my opportunity to have a good night’s rest miserable. It took me until 2.30 a.m. to “delete” it… Well, actually while I was hunting it down it flew into one of the lightbulbs, so technically I didn’t get the satisfaction of disposing of it myself, but hey… it was gone… Apparently after that I fell victim to the Revenge Uv Dah Mosquito Bruvah-hood, as after finally falling asleep at 3.00 a.m., I woke up again at 4.30 a.m. itching like hell!!!

I am at the office now. I forgot to bring my lifeline (read: mobile) which I left at home with my sucky “Monday” brain. And this while today The Guy is travelling and now I can’t txt him during the day.

Arriving at the office it turns out we’ll be “enjoying” enormous racket all day as apparently at the building site next to the medical center they’ve decided that Tuesday May 13 is thé day to be jamming about 30 concrete pillars into the ground. It’s like a fucking continuous earthquake outside.

So, I’ll just be here at the office, going thru the kazillion emails that are waiting for me, and diving into the fun meetings that I have scheduled today… Yay! Didn’t that sound genuine?

Tuesday-Monday’s suck too! Can someone warn the colleagues over here to stay at least 2 miles away from me today? At least…

OMFG! I’ve just realized something in the past week… I am a hermit driver… No no no no no! Not a Kermit driver. I don’t go round driving in a green frog suit… A HERMIT driver!

hermit (pron: hûr‘mit)

n - A person who has withdrawn from society and lives a solitary existence; a recluse.

[Middle English heremite, from Old French, from Medieval Latin herimita, from Late Latin eremita, from Greek eremitis, from eremit, desert, from erimos, solitary.]

Yeah yeah, I know you are wondering WTF I am talking about. Cut me some slack ok? Let me explain! Sheesh! See, having been single for 6 years and mostly using my car to drive me to and from the office, and doing long haul drives to my friends and stuff on the weekends The Kid is with The Ex, I spend the most of my time in the car on my own. Being in a busy job where there’s people yacking my ears off mostly all day, while the phone is ringing off the hook and my email box is going crazy at the same time. I am ok with that.

I will typically not have people drive wíth me in the car very often. Backstabbing Bitch carpooled with me for a while but for obvious reasons that has ceased to happen. I couldn’t stand doing that anymore and besides, she was refusing to share any of the gas money anyway and to me that is just leeching instead of carpooling. Sure, I’ll take and pick up The Kid to and from daycare every day, but that is only a tiny part of my daily drive.

The past week I’ve been in the car with The Guy every day, travelling to one or other city to spend the p.m. walking the city center, hand in hand (here’s your daily cue to puke), have dinner or whatever.

And guess what? I SUCK at driving while talking to someone in the passengers seat next to me!!! Seriously! I am not at all a bad driver usually, but I have learned that once there’s someone in the passengers seat with whom I am having a busy conversation and pointing out things to, I become thát driver, that kinda driver that drives me insane when I encounter them myself…

* SHOCK *

O.M.F.G.!!! The amount of times that my car “drifted” to the left or right side of the lane while yapping away with The Guy… [STFU! We had só much to talk about!] That’s just awful! I have become a serious driving hermit over the past years! Seriously!!! I even tried to take part of the curb with me while driving onto the supermarket parking lot (yes, babe, you can laugh now… I know you thought it was funny as hell at the time too… You will let me drive your car when I get my ass over there sometime won’t cha? Oh come on!)

Sheesh… I gotta learn to drive with people travelling with me IN my car all over again… That’s seriously whacked up shit… Dang!