Reach out and touch

Aside from going on bust-dates, I have also spent some time in the past week or so reconnecting with some people that I had not seen or spoken to for a while.

These days with a child to take care off, a full time job, a 2nd job, and all kinds of other stuff going on in my life, life just sometimes seems to swallow me whole and spit me out a week later without any warning… Like I said the other day: I sometimes just feel like I can’t keep up with the pace of life…

Sometimes life just “happens”, you know?

It started when I downloaded the What’sApp application on my iPhone the other day to be able to send messages back and forth with Jill and on my contact list of people who are using the application one of my friends that I hadn’t seen for a while showed up. I sent him a message and we got back in touch and messaged back and forth about all the stuff that has been happening in our lives lately. And we are now in the process of finding a date to meet up so I can catch up with him and his wonderful wife.

And then my thoughts wandered off to a mutual friend of ours, who actually used to be one of my best best friends until a few years ago. We kind of had a blow out about something, our friendship went sort of bust, we tried to reconnect before summer and it never happened…

So this afternoon I sent him a text message to ask him how he was doing and he replied instantly… and asked me to come over for drinks and catching up… As it happened I had to take The Kid to basketball practise near him, so I dropped off The Kid, and then went over to his place for drinks…

From the moment I walked in it was like nothing had ever happened and we reconnected like we had never been apart. I felt instantly comfortable, we had a drink, we talked, we laughed, we reminisced, it was good…

I learned that good friendships are for keeps. I learned that sometimes you just have to get past your grievances and let go of shit that happened in the past because the good by far surpassed the bad…You can always get passed your pride, your busy times, take initiative and reconnect. And if you are real friends, you will welcome eachother back in your lives. No matter what. It just takes reaching out…

I re-gained 2 great friends, and you know what? It feels great!

So here’s to FRIENDSHIP!

Stop that shit!

September 1… today?

Seriously!?

Can someone stop that shit RIGHT NOW!

This year is slipping through my fingers faster than I’d like it to

U-Turn

So… the dirt on last night…

The date was actually fun… The guy is a very respectful, nice, funny man… And we had a good time. I walked away from the date with a general good feeling and a follow up date for Friday… but also with one thing bugging me… The fact that he felt it necessary to state, several times during the date, that he didn’t want to put a  “claim” on eachother… I asked him several times what he meant by that but his explanation didn’t really “explain” it… I was left with this nagging feeling that he actually meant more by saying that than he was letting on…

So this morning I called him and told him straight out that that particular part was bugging me. That I felt that it meant more than he was ready to admit… And turns out my gutt feeling was right. He basically told me he thinks I am a fantastic woman, that he thinks I am sweet, beautiful, sexy,  and all that, but that he is not ready to commit to exclusively dating anyone right now. No matter how great she is.

Thing is… we are talking widower here… and contrary to what he told me earlier, his wife has not passed away 2-3 years ago but not even 1.5-2 years ago. And he admitted that though he is ready to date, he is not ready to commit emotionally yet. That he has not dealt with the death of his wife, who was the love of is his life, sufficiently to be able to do that. That he wants to “look around” and “play the field” and is mostly looking for companionship and sex. So more like a Friend with Benefits… And he also admitted that even though *I* had been very upfront about not being up for casual and FWB, he had still made a date with me hoping that he might be able to convince me otherwise… He agreed that that had not been fair towards me…

Even though I think it is totally legitimate that in his situation he is not ready to commit emotionally. And even though he still offered me the FWB thing and told me that he was ready to pay my way whatever we do: dates, weekends away, vacations… He is still just looking for mostly sex… and some companionship… And honestly: I just can’t do that. However nice a guy would be and however tempting the prospect of having myself wined and dined for a while…

I did that… for several years in the first years after I got divorced. And though at the time that worked for me, it no longer does. It’s not that I need a ring on my finger or a guarantee things are going to work out with a man, but I need dating to be genuine. With both looking for a genuine relationship. Dating for me does not work if you want different things…Not even if I get treated to champagne, weekends in St Tropez. Because ultimately I would be doing something I really don’t want to do.  I would be betraying my own feelings and that would kill me.

So even though I don’t blame him for emotionally not being ready to commit… I have to be honest to myself and him and decide that I am. And I can’t do this… not even temporarily until I find someone else… It’s just not for me…

It has left me a tad sad and disillusioned again… Because it feels like no matter how honest I am myself upfront… I just can’t win this dating thing…

Scrape me off the ceiling, please!

I have a date tonight…

Yeah, I thought I might as well come out with it straight away… So there you go: I have a date tonight. And this time I actually sincerely have high hopes that this one will work out. I have probably jinxed it by saying so, but this time is the first time in aaaageeesss that I am actually going out on a date with a man that really feels good… That I have no pre-date reservations about…

That’s as much as I can say about it now. I will report back on the date and how it went as soon as I can or feel like it. It might be a total bust, it might be wonderful… we’ll see.

So the point of this post? I need you people to scrape me off the ceiling today.. as I am pretty much in Freak Out Mode over this particular date… As he is so anxious to meet me and has been building me up to be the perfect woman in his mind…

In fact, he was so anxious to meet me that he cancelled his plans for tonight and moved our date up 5 days (as it initially was planned for next Friday) and asked me to not strike Friday out of my calendar yet… Just in case we hit it off…

Aaaaiiiiiiiiiiirrgggggghhh!!! *choke*

Help! Please? I mean shit!!! What if he hates me?

TGIF *happy dance*

Thank God it’s Friday!

My first full week at the office with finally all the bosses back (I was there last week but half of the faculty was still off or at conferences), had to get loads of stuff done in the 2nd job as well, I enrolled in a training course that will keep me busy for a year to come, ánd it was The Kid’s first week in high school… It’s been a rollercoaster week, both physically and emotionally.

So time for a *happy dance* which I am going to do to this funky song I heard for the first time 2 days ago.

Cee Lo Green "Fuck You"

Have a good Friday!!!