The Dutch Files

So, these friends of mine had not been in touch for a while. Now, that happens. We are all busy people and I am not really bothered by that. I think quality is more important than quantity, anyway. I can imagine they’d be busy with a couple of young kids, trying to set up a new business and all. I have been extremely busy myself lately, for that matter, so I have not been in touch that much myself either… But after attempting to call them several times, leaving messages on their answering machine, I was even getting worried a little bit… I finally got hold of them the other day… I got to speak to “her” on the phone…

It turns out that their reason for not getting in touch with me over the last few months is that they feel uncomfortable with me being their ONLY single friend and the fact that I have been single for “over 4 years now“. They feel awkward, don’t know how to act around me, nor what to say to me…

Excuse Me? Did I just hear her right? Did she just say that? Just Shoot Me! She did!
wtf!? Wtf!!? WTF!!!???
Oh hell, I’m done being semi-decent right now, I’m just gonna scream and shout it out loud:
W-H-A-T…T-H-E…F-U-U-U-U-U-C-K !?!?!?!?!?

YES, I have been divorced for over 4 years…
YES, I have not had any meaningful relationship since…
BUT I have never regretted my decision to get divorced nor have I ever regretted making my son and getting our life back on track a priority. The fact that I have to work fulltime to achieve that, resulting in serious lack of “me-time”, well, that’s just the way it is…

So I just did not happen to run into the right guy yet, but that happens… Is there a time limit for that? I would love to have a new love in my life, and share good and bad times with a great guy, but I don’t nééd one to give my life meaning, to feel that I belong, to be happy. Also I refuse to cling to the first asshole that comes along just to “at least have someone” or to make my friends feel less awkward…

So how the hell is having a single friend awkward? I am just a regular mid-30 single woman with a child. I háppen to be single but SINGLE is not ALL that I am about. I actually DO have a life, I am an intelligent woman, with loads of interests, a good sense of humour and I CAN actually have a conversation about other things than being single (actually I prefer that, the divorce is way behind me, my life is about moving forward).

However, apparently that IS a problem for some people a.k.a. my “friends” a.k.a. PFKAF (people formerly knows as friends). I guess I have only been tolerated as a single friend for “over 4 years now” on the “off chance” that one day I might walk through their door with a new boyfriend, but now they are fed up and can’t wait around for that any longer… I’m on my own… Pfffttt!!!

Mind you: this is coming from “friends” I have known for 10 years now. And for the record: about 75% of the men amongst their “wonderful married friends” have tried to get it on with me one way or another, at birthdayparties and such I attended at their place…. So much for their great married friends…

So I’ll just say this once. It’s a message to all people who feel uncomfortable around their single friends…

It IS possible to be a happy single
We ARE actually human just like you
You DON’T have to feel sorry for us
We DO have a life
We CAN have a sense of humour
We DO have a brain
We ARE capable of having a normal conversation

Last chance to head over to MC’s blog “Culture Kills”… He will be with me for another 20 hours or so and then he’s off…

It was really nice having him here and he has been a model tenant… at least, I think so, but I haven’t dared go into the room for the past day or so, after Fab’s warning about my tenant… I’ll keep you posted on what happens after he’s left ;-)

But for now:
Please haul over there and show him some last minute TLC. Let’s send him out with a * bang *

If there would be a-ny-one left wondering what the hell Mr Fab meant by telling me, when I promised to send him the wooden shoes”"I take a size 15 and you know what THAT means, don’t you?“… Check THIS out!

I totally wet myself when I found this (don’t ask what I was Googling for when I found it, not gonna tell ya… last time I Googled the same searchterm I found Mr Fab his “lemur with mullet” picture… you figure it out…)

However, Fab: there is no mention of a size 15 in this table… Can you tell me what thát means? Are you so outta this world that you can’t be caught in a table or what?

But for those who don’t “take a size 15″ or the ones who do and who are one of the unlucky ones for whom it doesn’t mean “THAT”… You can always try the Penis-Size-O-Matic (it’s an actual download, I’m not shitting you!) That might work for you… See! I am all about brotherly love and helping my “fellow men”…

It is time to announce the winner of the contest [drumroll]

Aaaannnd… [hang on, tiny microphone slipped into my cleavage]

The… [hang on, card with name of winner is stuck in golden envelope]

Winner… [hang on, stiletto heel stuck in seam of my stunning evening dress]

Is… [hang on, gotta "work" cleavage tad bit more at hunks in first row seats]

[clearing throat] Aaaaanddd.. the winner isssss….

I it was really hard picking a winner as all of you really sent in the most funny descriptions of the words. Some of which were totally outrageous, some of which -after some contemplating- were pretty logical really… I think I must urge for a total rehaul of the Dutch language! LOL

But I really wet myself (seem to be doing that a lot these days, I know…) reading CP’s descriptions and she is my winner this time!

Great job, congratulations CP! Her favourite word was: ONDERBROEK so that’s what she can expect in the mail any day now, right after she emails me her address!

Credit where credit’s due: I must say that Mr Fab, Nobody, Marty and Karl all finished close to CP and I must commend WebMiztriz for being as gutter minded as myself! LOL But ultimately I really want to thank everyone for playing, and giving it a shot. You all did a great job and I had a blast reading thru all of them.

Finally, to put your minds at ease, here are the actual meanings of the 10 words:

NEUSPULK
a booger

SALMIAKKNOTS
a dutch lollipop

HUTSPOT
a dutch dish consisting of carrots, potatoes and onions all cooked and mashed together… and yes: it tastes as disgusting as it sounds (and looks)…

KNAKWORST
a dutch hotdog like sausage

PINDAKAAS
peanutbutter

MELKMEISJE
milkmaid

VUURTOREN
lighthouse

WATTENSTAAFJE
Q-tip

GANZENBORD
Geeseboard: a dutch family game on a board with geese as a pawn

ONDERBROEK
underpants

Ooofff… I have surfaced again… all my bodyparts are hurting, especially my muscles… but I got the Ikea stuff together and spent the bigger part of the day shifting thru my son’s toys (my son definetely has tooooooo many toys…), putting it away in his new toy-filing system… I even SORTED and put away his megalomaneous amounts of LEGO in separate boxes… Do I love my son or what!!!

OMG… I’m aching… Somebody get my a loooooonnnggg and thorough massage… Puh-lease!

So… on to bigger things: Last Call for entering the Dutch terminology contest. Deadline is midnight and I will announce the winner hopefully before the end of the weekend! I have already wet myself over the funny descriptions that are already there, but I am sure one or two of you can still add to the list!

And also, visit my renter “Culture Kills“… He has a really great and funny site (and I like funny!!! y’all know that!). I just checked the stats and I think he deserves a few more clicks than he already got! And for that matter: I am not sure if he will get his cutlery and come after us if we don’t give him lots of TLC… But that’s just a thought…