The Dutch Files

A line in one of the latest posts over at LisaB’s blog made me shudder…

If she goes for it… I mean reaaaaaalllyyy goes for it…

And she nails them it…

Is THIS what ya’ll looking

at for…

…say… 4 years?

No offense…

Just asking…

And uhm… will he EVER trust her in the Oval Office with that hunky male intern, for which I will -free of charge- offer my personal services as a headhunter (ok using that word in this context sounded wrong in SO many ways…), and her cigars (because I am positive she smokes cigars!)????

I can only say: You make sure the’re Cubans, woman!

[Credits: a HUGE smooch to Jen for photoshopping the pic for me!]

Mind the stack of hay… and the cow dung… There’s a new tenant… It’s tenant number 13, but being number 13 did not keep him from bidding. Yes, I had to reorganize the tenant quarters and turn ‘m into stables, and I’m pretty sure I’ll have to get used to somewhat of a different “odor” around the house for the next week or so, but I am happy to do that for The Cartoonist They Call The StiK.

I have been reading his blog for quite a while, and I personally think it is a great way to start the day. He cracks me up e-v-e-r-y time… I love his cow-toons!

I entered one of his Tshirt compos and won myself a great Tshirt which got me into a still ongoing feud with The Kid (I actually don’t know where he is currently hiding the Tshirt)… and I was his tenant myself a few weeks ago… and he made me THIS!

Now tell me… How can I refuse a guy who made me that! Huh? Seriously!

So for the upcoming week I will be his cowgirlbitch and he is my StiK! Go check him out! Mooooooooooooohhhh!

After finishing work today, I went to town to do some grocery shopping and at some point I walked into the main street and saw this guy with his 2 dogs walking towards me. The dogs were not on a leash… One of the dogs - the big one “fortunately” - was eyeballing me from the moment I turned the corner and started walking towards them…

I have sufficient experience encountering dogs to know what thát means… and yes… a split second later the dog was jumping up to me, and pushing his wett nose into my crotch… I pushed the dog away… but of course that didn’t do the trick… He jumped up again and continued his crotchsniffin’ while snorting and slobbering away all over my jeans…

The dog owner was standing about 3 ft away from me, watching all of it with a total fucktard look on his face… He didn’t do nuttin’…

DutchBitch: “Do you think it would be AT ALL possible to snap out of it and come get your dog?“
[pushing away dog]
DogOwner: “I’m sorry… Is he bothering you?“
[dog jumping up again]
DB: “You’ve gotta be shitting me! YES, he IS bothering me! Get your dog off me!“
[pushing away dog, dog jumping up again]
DO: “He will stop if you just push him away“
[dog has now started humping my leg]
DB: “Well obviously that isn’t working as I tried that and he is now humping my leg“
[pushing away dog, again]
DO: “Yeah… Huh…He’s pretty into it, isn’t he?” * snicker *
[kicking leg being humped in attempt to get dog off that way]
DB: “Will you now PLEASE get your dog off me!“
DO: “Huh… hahaha… He’s lovin’ it!” * snicker *
[Killer DutchBitch stare]
DO: “Uhm… Nestor! get down off that ladies leg!“
[dog ignoring boss' command]
DB: “If you don’t come pull that dog off NOW and put him on his leash, were he should have been all the time, I swear I will kick his ass, big time!“
DO: “Nestor! I think the lady doesn’t appreciate you doing that“
[No shit!!!!!]
[Fucktard boss pulling dog off leg - having fucking hard time putting him on leash]
DB: “You should kéép those dogs on a leash if you can’t handle them“
DO: “Well, I don’t understand, he usually never does stuff like that” * halo *

YES! THANK YOU, FUCKTARD!
That last remark made me feel soooooo much better!

WTF is that? Why are dogs always sniffing my crotch and humping my leg!? I hate that! I mean: true, true… I am deprived from sex for loooooong periods of time, but still a dog sniffing my crotch and humping my leg is not my idea of fun. I don’t get off on that. I don’t get any pleasure out of that. And funnily enough it doesn’t make me feel good either that I am making the dog happy. And then having the dogowner telling me that their dog “usually neeeeeeeever does stuff like that”… yes, that makes me feel very special…

And what about the fucking nasty stains!!???… The filfthy pawprints, the sniffing seliva, not to mention the humping stains… eewwwwwwww. And you think I was EVER offered to have my clothes dry-cleaned? Nooopeee…

Don’t get me wrong. I love dogs. I used to have dogs myself. I just hate the humping kind and their fucktard owners. I swear I am THIS close to inventing an instantly nutering stun gun. I think I’ll call it the NuttBlaster. Zap them with the bugger and it instantly castrates those assholes. And while I am at it, I might use it on their dogs as well.