The Dutch Files

You gotta love Laci… or at least love her gutsiness… She tagged me again… A-G-A-I-N…
(Did you duck for the wooden shoe flying towards your head, Hon? I hope it didn’t hurt you… * halo *)

I told her I feel she owes me one fine bottle of vino for this… And there WILL be retaliation… It might be a while… but I WILL get her back for this… I’ll wait for the perfect moment…

So here goes for a Meme of Three:

Things that scare me
1) Fab potentially bringing his live-in-lemurs with him when we get married
2) The Kid telling me he will stay and live with me “for the whole rest of his life”
3) My Town Freak Upstairs Neighbour

People who make me laugh
1) Virtually everybody in my BlogLink-list
2) The Kid - especially the look on his face when on the topic of girls (”girls are yucky!”)
3) Me (you gotta be able to laugh at yourself when you do something stupid, right?)

Things I hate the most
1) Fucktard men (listing their names would make a humongous post)
2) Asshole drivers (I’m with Laci on this one)
3) Moron Customer Service Operators

Things I don’t understand
1) Why a-n-y-o-n-e would want to work at a Customer Service Desk willingly
2) Why Karl insists on continuously confronting us with his “music videos”
3) Why my Town Freak Upstairs Neighbour feels the need to play (crappy) piano in the middle of the night

Things I am doing right now
1) Typing up this horrific meme while I grind my teeth
2) Watching a “Hogan Knows Best” marathon on MTV (It’s the best thing on there right now… Yes: Dutch TV sucks)
3) Planning my revenge for Laci * satanic grin *

Things I want to do before I die
1) Watch The Kid grow up to be a wonderful person
2) Fall in love and live happily ever after
3) Have earth-shattering sex for days on end (preferably with the person that makes 2) happen but if that’s not possible I am willing to look at other options)

Things I can do
1) Shut up, but I never feel like it
2) Pick my nose with my toes
3) Actually, I’d like to think: ANYTHING if I put my mind to it

Ways to describe my personality
1) Direct/Straight (I say what I think and I mean what I say)
2) Independent
3) Caring (I’m sure somebody will comment: “Whhhaaattt???!!” on this one)

Things I can’t do
1) Get my template right in that fucking Blogger beta mode
2) Continu a date with a fucktard (I go into “find the nearest exit-mode”)
3) Hate someone, however much they might have hurt me

Things I think you should listen to
1) Anything your Mom tells you (well except maybe in CP’s case)
2) Anything I tell you (and that goes for EVERYBODY)
3) Anything your Inner Voice tells you

Things you should never listen to
1) My next door neighbour and his new girlfriend going at it (it’s bad enough I have to)
2) Anything a dog in a clocktower tells you
3) Pat Boone

Things I’d like to learn
1) How to get my template right in that fucking Blogger beta mode
2) Picking locks (no particular reason)
3) Japanese (if all else fails, become a Geisha)

Favorite foods
1) Italian
2) Mexican
3) Dogfood (handy to have in stock in case of unexpected dinnerguests)

Beverages I drink regularly
1) Diet Coke (the drink Coke, it IS about beverages, isn’t it?)
2) Tapwater
3) Wine (in fact… that sounds like a great idea by lack of plans for tonight)

TV shows I watched as a kid
1) Fabeltjeskrant
2) Bereboot
3) Pippi Langkous

People I’m Tagging
1) You
2) Anyone reading this (and I know who you are and will hunt you down until you do it!)
3) EVERYBODY!!!

Don’t forget to visit my current tenant Canadutch.

Yes, the Canadian girl living in Dutchyland. I am not making this up: it really CAN be done! Living in Dutchyland.

She was actually confronted with appropriately functioning Dutch Customer Service * blank stare * …I was shellshocked… She mùst be making that up… Or she’s faking living in IN Dutchyland and is really somewhere else… Because that just can’t be happening…

She said the bouquet of flowers on the pic with the story were presented to her by the shopowner in the story… Yeah, right…

I mean: I was even requested to assist the movers when moving into my appartment 3 years ago! They were PROFESSIONAL movers and still they sucked. They actually told me that their union guidelines did not allow them to lift heavy stuff… Well, fuck them… I paid them fuckers and the moving company to do JUST THAT for me. Why would I hire them in the first place? I hit them both over the head with my wooden shoe and made them finish their job, then I had them killed and tossed in the North Sea. They were a public nuisance anyway…

So: go see over at Canadutch! She DID get great service, in the end… She’s one lucky chick!

The other day, on one of the last days of school summer vacation, I asked The Kid that if he had to choose one thing he really really really wanted to do on his last day of summer vacation, what would that be…

The Kid’s reply: “Have a sleep over with you in your bed, Mommy”

* bugger, shit, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuuuuuuuuuck, I just hád to ask, didn’t I? *

No visiting amusement parc, no going to the local pool, no seeing the latest kid flick in the cinema… Noooo. None of that. The Kid looooooooves sleeping with me in the big bed. If it were his choice he would probably do so every night… Not my choice… Nu-Uh!

But who am I to refuse The Kids ultimate biggest wish at the end of summer vacation? So I caved, just this once…

Never again!

I forgot what it’s like, stupid twat. Because you know what THAT means, don’t cha? Though only 8 years old, we are talking a 4ft7 and 79 pounds boy… I guess that’s what you get from having a 6ft4 dad… Having THAT in your twin bed overnight means:

* though the bed is Queen size, him occupying “your space” all night
* pushing him back to the other end of the bed and having him roll back even before you managed to get back to your side
* him moving around so much that the duvet and its cover end up like an undefinable ball of fabric that has to be untwined about 14 times/night
* listening to his snoring which could easily be mistaken for the snoring of an 80 year old obese pig
* continuously getting slapped in the face and kicked in the groin by his ever moving limbs (I am now positive he is suffering from restless leg total body syndrome…)

POST-SLEEPOVER STATS:

The Kid woke up the next morning in a great mood, but then he had 10 hours of blissfull sleep and had been dreaming of pretty funny stuff judging from his laughter during the night.

The Mom woke up awake most of the night - slept a total of 3 hours in short time spans at a time - got up, walked over to the fridge to find a big fat juicy steak, wondering if you can put that on your groin as well as your eye…