Dec 27
Pee My Bathroom
December 27, 2006 - 6.00 a.m. - Casa DutchBitch:
After a late dinner last night at Grandma’s place The Kid requested to sleep in the official DutchBitch bed. I crumbled. STFU! He’s been at his dad for the past 5 days, including Christmas! So I’ve missed him…!
So, the scene at 6.00 a.m.: DutchBitch in bed. The Kid beside her. Sound asleep.
The Kid: *waking up*
The Kid: *clawing his way out of bed not even trying to avoid DutchBitch*
DutchBitch: “Ouch! Whaddayadoin’?“
The Kid: “Have to go to the bathroom”
DutchBitch: “Hmmm… ok, next time please get OUT of bed and WALK towards the door, please“
The Kid: “OK”
DutchBitch: “Yeah sure… as IF…” *sarcastic look*
DutchBitch: *dozing off*
The Kid: “Moooooooooooooooommmmm!!!”
DutchBitch: *rudely awakened*
DutchBitch: “What is it?“
The Kid: “Can you come over here?”
DutchBitch: “Do I really have to?“
The Kid: “Moooommmmmmm! Don’t do that!”
DutchBitch: “Do what?“
The Kid: “Teasing me! Come over here!”
DutchBitch: “What is it? Are you hurt?“
The Kid: “No, can you come here please?”
DutchBitch: *dragging self out of bed*
DutchBitch: “OK, I’m here. What is it?“
DutchBitch: *staggering back from urine stench*
The Kid: *sitting on toilet - pointing to floor*
The Kid: “I peed all over the floor and my PJ’s”
DutchBitch: *blank stare at pool of urine on floor and The Kid’s dripping PJ’s*
DutchBitch: “You what?“
The Kid: “I peed all over the floor and my PJ’s”
DutchBitch: “How the hell did you do that?“
The Kid: “Dunno… I just did”
DutchBitch: “How did you “just” do that? How?“
The Kid: “Well, I had to pee, really bad… And I sat down… and my weenie was big and hard and then it stuck out over the rim of the toilet seat… and then I just peed óver the toilet seat onto my PJ’s and the floor”
DutchBitch: *gagging from urine stench on empty stomach*
DutchBitch: “Um… yes… I can see that“
The Kid: “I couldn’t help it”
DutchBitch: “Well, why were you sitting down while peeing? Why don’t you pee standing up? And why did you start peeing when your weenie was sticking over the rim of the toilet seat anyway?“
The Kid: “Dunno”
[Why do all men of any age mainly say "Dunno" or shrug at questions]
DutchBitch: “You don’t know?“
The Kid: “Nope”
DutchBitch: “OK, you are NINE years old now. I would suggest you start peeing standing up and start paying attention when you pee. I have NO intention of clearing up a pool of pee every morning“
The Kid: *staring at dripping PJ’s*
The Kid: “Do you think I should put on clean PJ’s?”
DutchBitch: *blank stare*
DutchBitch: “Yeah, I’ll say. If you wanna get back into bed with me you better damn well do so!“
DutchBitch: *off to kitchen to get mop*
So… how was your morning?
