The Dutch Files

Some of you might already read her blog, or at least have heard of her, and to some of you this might be the first you’ve heard of her… though I can hárdly imagine… My new tenant is Lynda of Lynda’s Great Journey! Yes folks: she Journey-ed her butt over to Dutchyland and is spending the week at my all Dutchy tenant quarters!

You can see how pleasantly surprised she was herself when I broke the news to her that she left all 16 other bidders behind and was my obvious choice for this week!

For those who are wondering about the head-wear of Lynda… Well, she tends to wear those to validate her Dutch-ness… She’s actually Dutch, didn’t you know that? She’s got a pretty good grasp of Dutch for someone who has mostly grown up in the US. I am not sure about her pronounciation, as she offered my sister to send over a tape of her speaking Dutch with a big fat American accent to cheer her up… Assuming that she would wet her pants laughing when she’d hear it!

What more can I say? The fact that she is originally Dutch says it all really. She’s a really nice considerate person, she’s funny, she is wonderful, intelligent, great to hang around with. She’s got it all… Hey? What do you expect… she’s Dutch! Did I tell you about that?

Please go over to see Lynda at her place. Obviously you know by now that coming back to the DutchBitch is mandatory, but just in case you are procrastinating in coming back over here, Lynda will have one of Dan’s old artificial legs ready to kick you to the curb back to The Dutch Files. And just remember that I’ll be able to identify which ones of you had to be sent back by force, because of Dan’s foot having left a mark on your asses!

On a totally different note: Fab nominated me for the Battle of the Blogs. No! Not the one on BlogExplosion, but the one on Leesa’s Stories. I have been put in the Northern Bracket. So you all knów that there will be serious vote whoring going on for the weeks to come! My blog is on “Bye” for the first week, which means I am not battling with any blog this week, but next week it will be on!!! So if you see the Golden Vote 4 My Site-button appear on my blog, it is time to haul your asses over to Leesa’s Stories and do some serious voting for me! (and for Shelli, for that matter, unless she’s battling me, obviously).

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In the year 1970, in which two armed men hijacked a PanAm flight en route from Amsterdam to New York, Qadaffi seized power in Libya, L. Spencer -the inventor of the microwave oven- died, Tonga gained independence, twelve U.S. flight attendants filed a multi-million dollar sex discrimination suit against TWA, Italian senate voted to legalize divorce, 5 planes crashed killing over 500 people, Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix died, the Boeing 747 made its first commercial flight, the first succesful landing on Venus was a fact (hey! kismet), Apollo 13 managed to get back to earth in the end, the first episode of “All My Children” airs on ABC, and The Beatles split up…

… another world changing event took place, when on February 27 this little bundle of joy was born… This little innocent girl entered the world during a homebirth in Velsen, The Netherlands, in the appartment of her parents Marianne and Frits, being their firstborn.

I can’t believe it’s already 37 years ago that I worked my way down the birthcanal -which wasn’t an easy task, I tell ya- and gave my Mom and Dad a sample of my lung capacity. Obviously my Apgar score was toprate and I was the most beautiful baby anyone has ever seen, to this day… And to answer that one burning question on all of yer minds: Yes, I was indeed born with my trademark -the thigh high red latex stiletto boots- on… My Mom can vouch for that, she still bears the scars…

I can’t go into detail on what I’ve been doing all those 37 years. Besides you’d all feel totally inadequate if I told ya. But here are some of the highlights:
1971 Little Sister (who will always be my little sister) was born!
1973 already the hottest thing in town, even though I had to make do with my Mom’s bikini
1974 started kindergarten in Velsen
1976 started first grade in Heemstede
1982 finished 6th grade and left for the HAVO (our equivalent of high school)
1985 first kiss
1987 finished HAVO and transferred to college - first serious boyfriend
1988 cheated on 1st boyfriend on schooltrip, then finished with him
1989 finished college and got job - second serious boyfriend (black page in history) - first time sex (even blacker page in history because was with afore mentioned boyfriend)
1991 finished with 2nd boyfriend - got together with The Ex
1992 moved in with The Ex in Sassenheim
1995 got married to The Ex
1996 father passed away
1997 The Kid was born!
2002 left the The Ex - sister got married
2003 long haul divorce was finalized - found appartment with The Kid after being without place to live for 1.5 year - started new life as a fulltime working single Mom
2005 started bloggin
2006 started current blog “The Dutch Files”

and here we are… 2007…

Welcome to my 37th birthday… Yay!

THANK YOU . THANK YOU . THANK YOU . THANK YOU . THANK YOU

Thanks to everyone who left birthday wishes in my comments section. Thanks Rachael for the wonderful books you sent me as a birthday gift, thank you Sans for sending me a birthday card, thanks to Fab, Shelli, Lynda, and Barb for your birthday E-cards, Marty and Jen for leaving a B-Day comment on my MySpace page and Karl and Jester for their wishes thru email! You are the greatest!!!

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A few weeks ago I joined my Mom to a classical concert in the Concertbuilding in Amsterdam.
Yeah, STFU! I do have the cultural gene as well!

I ran into one of the professors I used to work for at my former department at the medical center. He’s also a friend of my current boss. I’ve known him for over 14 years. He’s currently working as the director of the Dutch Blood Bank. About 2 years ago he started working at our department on Thursday’s to do some additional research. At that time I started working for him again, on those Thursdays.

Anyway, he passed us by to get his coat to the wardrobe, and then came back, accompanied by his wife.

Former Boss: “Hi! Good to see you here”
*turning to his wife*
Former Boss: “You remember DB, don’t you?”
Former Boss Wife: “Yes, I do. Good to see you again, DB!”
DutchBitch: “Good to see you again too“
*turning to my Mom*
DutchBitch: “This is my Mother. Mom this is Prof. X and this is Y, his wife“
Former Boss: “Pleased to meet you. I am one of your daughters very content and happy customers”

Former Boss Wife and My Mother: *blankest stare EVER recorded*

There is something nasty about one of your (former) bosses saying he’s “one of your very content and happy customers” in the presence of your mother and his own wife…

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The Kid is the cuddly kind of child… for now… until he turns about 13 and will scream at me that I am the “worst Mom in the world” and he “hates me”…

Anyway… for now I still thoroughly enjoy his cuddles and kisses and “I Love U, Mom” and “You are the best Mom in the world” statements…

The cuddling is getting a tad more…. um… rough though… STFU! I am not getting into all pedophilic kinda shit. I am just saying: The Kid is not that little bundle of joy anymore that I pooped out over 9 years ago. He’s now a 1m40 (4ft6) and 37 kg (81.5 pounds) mountain of joy… So I have a lot to endure when he attempts to cuddle up to me these days…

The Kid: *jumping on couch almost flipping it over* “Hey Mom, can I sit with you and watch a dvd together?”
DutchBitch: “Sure Hon, come here“
The Kid: *snuggling up to me, tossing and turning to get comfortable *
DutchBitch: “Hon, Hon, hang on… you are hurting your Mom“
The Kid: “How?”
DutchBitch: “Move over, my breast is stuck and it’s hurting. You are squashing it“
The Kid: *poking my breast* “THIS can hurt? It is all wobbly and soft! It’s nice to put your head on, it is like a pillow. Pillows don’t have feelings?!”
DutchBitch: “Well, my breasts do have feeling in them“
The Kid: *poking my breast again* “This? Reaaaaaallly? Can you feel this? And this? And this?”
DutchBitch: “Ouch! Stop poking my breasts! Now move over so I can set it free!” (’cause it feels like it is stuck in a mammogram scanner)
The Kid: *snickers*

And yes… thank you… my boob has recovered… for now…

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A few days ago the below road sign was put up at the corner of the street that I live in…

For all of you who have not yet taken a Dutch course… It says: “This section of the road will be closed on Tuesday February 27 from 8 p.m. to 6 a.m.“

I would think you’d all be a tad less OBVIOUS about planning my surprise birthdayparty…

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