The Dutch Files

I’ve done it… I’ve signed up with Fuel My Blog… I saw the button on Fab’s blog and it looked all nice and pretty and being a traffic whore it made me ultra-curious. After clicking it and consequently voting for Fab (OK, I guess I don’t mind thát too much), I signed up for my very own button…

My blog was approved within the hour, and I was able to copy the button into my sidebar… and then… it didn’t work…

I have NEVER EVER encountered a faster and more accurate help desk in my blogginglife than the one of Fuel My Blog. They sent me an alternative HTML code and fixed my problem faster than the speed of light!!! (Thanks Kev! Muah!)

So this is my chance to pimp my button (vote, vote, vote) in the DutchBitchin’-sidebar ánd pimp Fuel My Blog! They will be broadening their activity range as they go along and right now their “View From My Window” competition is running. Of course I’ve sumbitted an entry! Nothing like more ways to Fuel this baby blog!!! How could I resist this competition with the window-view I have every early Spring? My beautiful blooming and colorful DutchyView just had to be put amongst the pictures that had already been entered in the compo.

You Likey? There’s still time… The bulbfields will be in full bloom for the next 3-4 weeks… Just get your butts over here and come see it for yourself! Milk and Cookies are waiting for you at DutchBitch Casa! And a complimentary butt kick with either the clogs or the boots, whichever you prefer…

I have been contemplating what to do with my sex toys… I have a shitload of ´m. Nice soft flexible… almost real life ones… in all kinds of nasty bright screamy colors…

Hey! STFU! Even a single girl only meeting fucktards´s got needs! And contrary to what any man would like to think, all girls reading this blog know I am right: There is NO man who has EVER given me a better orgasm than I can give myself… Over and over and over again… Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh…

I digress… A few months ago THIS was all over the Dutch news. It’s about sex toys containing all kinds of hazardous phlalates, toxic chemical softeners used in PVC to make it soft and flexible…

Crapfuckshitcuntassdamn’d!!! My wonderful soft flexible magic sexwonders are toxic!!! Ugh… How can they be? They are so nice and soft and wonderful… And now they are these lifethreatening devices… I can’t believe it!

Obviously I have no particularly desire for my inner thigh and crotch area to develop any kind of crap disease, let alone cancer, but those babies are my sex-life-savers! I don’t think I could do without them… *sob* Of course I could switch to the rockhard non-flexible ones, but those of you “having done” those might agree with me that they are ok… but not nearly as great…

The ultimate solution stated by the manufacturers?: “PVC and jelly-rubber toys have often been found to be problematic because they contain unsafe phthalates, softeners added to many plastics that are also found in some jewelry, food containers, and other soft rubber toys. Phthalates have been linked to health problems such as cancer and prenatal defects. Manufacturers recommend using condoms with these toys”

WTF!!! I spend my single life staying away from being a nympho and diving in bed with every other guy that tries to get into my pants… being a good girl… sorta… and now I have to start practising SAFE SEX with my very own sextoys!?!?!?

Ugh… back to the “old days”… Can you imagine putting a condom on your sextoy? What size do I get? What if the condom fails? And I seem to remember that putting a condom onto summin’ “flexible” can be a drag…

Well… I guess I am off to the drugstore for a discount package of condoms… for my sex toys… And OMFG! To think that I had to throw out a huge batch of outdated condoms little over a year ago!!! Ugh… Triple Ugh… I seriously need to get me a man…

Remember Cody, Benjamin and Jamie who expressed a desire to be my friend on MySpace? Well, their long lost brother Marion recently was reunited with his 3 brothers… and he seems to have the same (understandable) desire to be my friend…

I feel kinda overwhelmed by all their warm attention…

Remember… a mont ago? When I had my birthday and I turned 37 23? I didn’t have a huge birthday celebration. I didn’t for various reasons… First of all my finances don’t allow me to, second of all the size of my appartment doesn’t allow me to, and third I didn’t really feel like it anyway. Not for any particular reason, as mostly I am always up for a party, but this time… nah…

The other day I ran into one of my MMF’s …

Married Male Friend: “Hey Girl. Howyadoin’?”
DutchBitch: “I’m fine, how’s life at your end?”
MMF: “Uhm… it’s ok… Same old same old, you know. Busy with the business, not getting any… So uhm… how come we weren’t invited to your birthday party?”
DutchBitch: “Nobody was invited to my birthdayparty. I didn’t have a birthdayparty”
MMF: “So you didn’t celebrate it at all?
DutchBitch: “Well, just with The Kid and my Mom, sister and BIL”
MMF: “So when can I come over and “ce-le-bra-te” your birthday with you? Hmm?” *wink wink*
DutchBitch: “You are very welcome to come over and celebrate my birthday with me, you are however not welcome to come over and “ce-le-bra-te” it with me”
MMF: “Oh come on! I am not getting any at home… you are single… we could have some fun!”
DutchBitch: “Look, we’ve been over this a kazillion times before. There is no “WE” in this particular issue. We are NOT getting it on together”
MMF: “Oh don’t be a spoilsport! We’ve both been on a dry spell for ages”
DutchBitch: “Me being single and on a dry spell for years does not necessarily mean that I jump at the first guy that offers himself on a platter, Hon. I DO have some standards. Besides, you are in a relationship. I’ve said “No” before and I will say it again: NO”
MMF: “Well, can I at least come over and bring you the “pre-sent” I have for you” *wink wink*
DutchBitch: “No Thanks. I think I can do without that particular “pre-sent”
MMF: “Oh come on. You are a hot single woman. You have no idea how much I want you. Nobody needs to know”
DutchBitch: *sigh* *rolling eyes*
MMF: “What are you rollin’ your eyes for, girl!”
DutchBitch: “Because I am still baffled at the fact of how little “NO” really means to a guy when he’s after something and set to get it”
MMF: “And I will get it! In the end I will get it”
DutchBitch: “Well, all I can say is: don’t hold your breath. Say HI to MrsMMF for me. Tell her her man is a dickhead”
MMF: *blank stare*

I’ve asked you before, I know, but I am asking you again: scroll over to the sidebar and please check for me…
Is there “All Balled & Chained Fucktards Line Up Here” on my forehead? Continue Reading »

I feel it’s only fair to let you know on the blog, after wondering whether there was still life “at the other end” BlogExplosion, that they totally came thru for me! They fixed all my problems, my email notifications are working again, the new URL has been accepted and a brandnew thumbnail for the blog is up.

The DutchBitch is back on BE!

To celebrate I had my first battle with the new blog (and won). So BE is still working fine, just a tad slow. It’s allllll good and The DutchBitch still loves ‘m!

STFU! Somebody’s gotta love ‘m! Bite Me!

On other news… I am almost settled summertime wise, so we’ll be back to normal service from tomorrow! I knew you’d be happy! Group Hug!