Or rather… the lack of money is making my head spin ’round… it makes my brain go in overdrive… all the time… day and night… I am thinking about (my lack of) money all the time…
I rant about a lot of things that I find disturbing or that irritate me. There’s a lot in my life that has not turned out the way I had imagined it to turn out, when I was younger. I can handle all that. They are also the things in my life that have made me to be the person that I am, and kinda like that person.
The one and only thing that really fucks me up is being broke all the time…
I am doing ok in life. I have a good job and decent pay. I have to work pretty hard and make long hours, but I don’t mind as I love my job and it has made me achieve a lot over the years. I have a really nice appartment which provides a roof over my head (and having done without one for 1.5 years, I know how important that can be). I have a wonderful child, a wonderful family, and some awesome friends. The Kid and I are overall pretty healthy. And most importantly: I am pretty happy most of the time and so is The Kid. That’s something money can’t buy. I am very thankful for all that and I realize there are many people that have to do without that and who are financially far worse off than I am, being in much deeper debts and such…
Still, I too have to make ends meet every day and having a piece of month left at the end of each paycheck is seriously starting to fuck with my brain. I can’t let go of it. My mind is CONSTANTLY juggling the money, thinking of what to do next, of how to make ends meet ALL THE TIME! I can handle not having that much money, it is the thought of being broke and making ends meet in my mind on a daily basis that is driving me nuts. Each minute of the day, with everything I do, I am adding up and substracting in my mind. I think of what I really need to buy, what it will cost, what I can afford to do without, how to fit everything in, how to seriously tie loose financial ends together… and then The Kid’s shoes fall apart like they did yesterday… or his jacket zipper breaks like it did two days ago… or the car starts making a funny noise…
Money can’t make you happy, but it seriously does make the world go ’round and makes life a shitload of a lot easier. Not having enough money to do everything you want to do in life, is not the end of the world, but the way it is fucking with my brain right now, is so driving me nuts. I know there are people much worse off and don’t make any mistake: I am not complaining about my life here, as I am very happy with my life right now, and I have a lot to be thankful for…
I just wish there would be other stuff going thru my mind than just “money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money” all the time… Can somebody shut down my brain for a while?
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No Dutch Treats Yet "Money Makes My Head Spin ‘Round".