The Dutch Files

The Kid: “Mom, don’t you want to have a new boyfriend?”
DutchBitch: “Well, I do. I just have not found the right one yet”
The Kid: “Can’t you just get some?”
DutchBitch: “What do you mean: just get some?”
The Kid: “Well, can’t you get more than one boyfriend?”
DutchBitch: *choking* “Um… well, technically I could but that is usually not the way it works”
The Kid: “I think you should get more than one”
DutchBitch: “You do? Why?”
The Kid: “Well, then you can get one to kiss you, one to sleep with you, one to bring you breakfast in the morning, one to wash your car, one to cook for you, one to make your bed, one to clean your house, one to give you flower and gifts, one to take you out, one to fix your car, one to drive you everywhere, one to go on holiday with you, one to iron your clothes, one to wash your hair, one to blowdry your hair, one to water your plants, one to take care of the pets, one to…”
DutchBitch: “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it… LOL”
The Kid: “Well, isn’t it a great idea?”
DutchBitch: “Um… well… it could be, but don’t you think the appartment would be a bit crowded at times?”
The Kid: “Nooooo, they don’t live here. They just come over when they have to do their thing”

My son just singlehandedly solved my “searching for the perfect mate” problem. This way any of my boyfriends just has to meet the criteria for the task he is assigned to! Aaahhh, Kid’s Logic! You gotta love it!

I guess I should get crackin’ at those application forms, shouldn’t I? Anyone interested in the first position to be filled: “bending over while plumbing with perfect tight ass”-boyfriend? My kitchenfaucet is leaking…

This morning on my block calendar:

. . .

REAL MEN DON’T EAT HONEY

THEY CHEW ON BEES

. . .

Ehm… really? No shit!

Won’t those little tiny legs get in between your teeth and stuff?

The most romantic thing a man ever did, on a date with me -actually very shortly after my divorce- was suddenly pulling me up from the couch and dancing with me in his living room at this cover of a Joni Mitchell song: A Case Of You by Diana Krall… I had only met him that very night and was no way ready for a relationship and neither was he… We had an incredibly romantic (and hot, yes, that too) night and he turned me into a huge Diana Krall fan for life…

He also taught me something else that I cherish to this day, to listen to lyrics of songs. Sure, I used to listen to lyrics… kinda… but not re?lly… The lyrics to this particular song are unbelievably beautiful…

The song is still “our song” to this day and every so often he tells me that everytime he hears it, it makes him think of that one incredibly romantic night we had… The song does the same to me and brings me back to how wonderful and special I felt at the time.

I still meet up with him from time to time, just as friends. Yes, he is still my friend. Other than that it didn’t work out for us. Typical case of wrong time - wrong place, which I am fine with. We met eachother in an extremely confusing and difficult time in both our lives and kept eachother company at times.

I was thrown back in time like this when I was flipping the channels last night and suddenly “ran into the song” on TV… It made my heart skip a beat… It has been ages since I last heard it…

This is one of those extremely scarce but very fond warm memories of the past 5 years, that brings a smile to my face… It makes me happy that it happened to me… It makes me believe they’re still out there… The romantic good guys… That can make me feel special…

So… yesterday… I was contemplating… whether or not to do a last chore for the day and clean out the fishbowl of our 5 petfish that urgently needed cleaning… I didn’t really feel like it as I had already spent the better part of the day doing all kinds of chores in and around the house and weather was so great outside…

So I didn’t… I took two books with me that I had both started in a while ago, got my ass down on the deckchair on my tiny balcony, put on my sunglasses and was determined to finish both books… I did…

Then I walked into the appartment again and my eyes glanced along the fishbowl… again… and this time I decided to do it and get it over with… I caught the 5 Japanese Fighting Fish little orange buggers, got out the waterplants, the pebbles, the little arch they can swim thru and started cleaning all of it. Once I was finished I got the huge bowl, put it under the tap and started running water in the bowl to give it a good clean… And then it happened…*CRACK*… Crack? OMFG!

*crickets*

WTF! WTF!? W.T.F.!?!? The friggin’ fishbowl cracked under my hands in the sink! A huge nasty crack all thru the bottom and one side of the bowl… And the water that I let run into the bowl wasn’t that hot nor that cold! I stared at the bowl for seconds unable to decide what to do… It’s Sunday for God’s Sake! Dutch shops are closed. Besides, I don’t have even a nickle to scratch my ass, let alone money to buy a brandnew fishbowl!

I got into my closet and searched for glass vases, bowls, whatever… I was able to find one for each fish… My appartment is now clogged with tiny glass bowls with a fish in each of them… Now I gotta go out on Wednesday to get a new fishbowl, right after this months paycheck comes in… Another 20 euro’s down the drain…

Crap-Fuck-Shit! I should’ve just left well enough alone and had them swim in their muck for one more day… Ugh… I KNEW there was a valid reason for not feeling like cleaning out the fishbowl… Pffttt! At least Deuce Bigalow got laid in the process!

*scraping throat*

I’d like to thank Blonde Blogger for awarding me the Thinking Blogger Award. It is such an honor to have been chosen. I also would like to thank my readers, my pimp manager, my family, my friends, …

Seriously… I am really honored that Blonde Blogger bestowed the honor upon me of receiving the Thinking Blogger Award. This was her reason for having me be one of the recipients of the award: How do I love Dutchie? Let me count the ways! One-she’s hilarious! Two-Reading her always brightens my day! Three-She’s totally adorable! Four…okay, I could go on and on, but she is so much fun that there’s no way I could not give her this award!

Thank you thank you thank you, Hon! Muah! Yo? are adorable! Now it is up to me to choose the next 5 deserving bloggers! Woo-hoo!

Many people who deserve the award have already been awarded one by one of my fellow bloggers and some of them are even right there in Blonde Blogger’s list as well. So I am gonna go out on a limb and nominate some people that really deserve this award in my opinion and maybe… hopefully… have not been awarded one before…

Attila The Mom from Cheaper Than Therapy: I love her blog. She is a great Mom, a great Wife, a devoted Student, and writes about a lot of stuff that really makes you think. She has a great way of putting important issues and crazy world shit out there and mix it with that crazy sense of humor. I love the woman, even though she’s got a shower curtain of tw*t material… Attila rocks!

Cat from Living With Multiple Personalities: Cat writes very open and truthfull about her life with multiple personality disorder, and the many other aspects of her life in the mountains of Colorado. There are few blogs that I’ve learned so much from than her blog. Aside from that she is a really nice and sincere person, so I’ve experienced myself.

The Useless Men from Useless Advice from Useless Men: They always make me laugh… Always. Their own special view on the issues at hand is… well… uhm… intriguing… There is no question you can ask that they don’t have an answer to. Granted… mostly a Useless Answer, but still. They are there for us and make us think “in a different way”

Mac from MiMinutia: A great guy with a great blog. His posting is a great mix of hilarious humor, interesting statements and life’s ups and downs. What’s more to tell you about him? I like Mac, he’s my Mac! I read his blog almost daily and he’s not getting rid of me! He makes me smile, he makes me think… Oh! And his Radioshow is the best!

MistressM from MistressM: MistressM is one of my newly discovered blogbuddies. I love her style, things she says and does, the way she thinks, I love her! I think she’s very much like me in the way she feels about life and life’s issues and most importantly being a single Mom (though her “single” status is currently being worked at skilfully), men, dating, and whatnot… Me Love Mistress M.

So I pass on the Thinking Blogger Award task to you.The participation rules are simple:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think,
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme.
3. Optional: Proudly display the ‘Thinking Blogger Award’ with a link to the post that you wrote (here is an alternative silver version if gold doesn’t fit your blog).

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COMING SOON

Finally, on this Shabby Sunday, an announcement… Watch This Space as I am feeling those DutchBitch contest jitters coming up. I am getting all itchy and that means that it’s contest time soon (STFU! It can’t be jockitch, I don’t have one). Obviously the contest is going to have to do with lil’ ol’ DutchBitchy me, and Dutchyland. I am still trying to think of a good contest set-up. I plan to work on it in the week(s) to come. Hold your breath, don’t hold your breath… whatever makes you happy. All I can say is that it will be here soon! Unlike the last contest that required some Photoshop skills this one is going to be one that everyone can join in with. Keep in touch and get ready for some Dutchbitchin’ contest action!