The Dutch Files

No, this is not a new version of Rock -Paper - Scissors, although there is at least one big loser in this story. I am just not sure who is the biggest one, yet. Depends on how you define the term “loser” I guess. Anyway, I digress. If you kids ever end up in The Netherlands for whatever reason, I have some advice for you here… Advice of the hairy kind…

Get a haircut in your own country before you leave. And if not and you do insist on getting a haircut over here, don’t say I didn’t warn ya! So here goes: Never -and when I say “never” I mean NEVER- get into an argument with your barber. Especially not one in the Albert Cuypstreet in Amsterdam..

AMSTERDAM (ANP) - A barber in the Albert Cuypstreet stabbed a 28 year old man with his scissors. The victim was taken to hospital, in a severly wounded but not critical state. It seems the barber slipped into blind fury after an escalated fight over glasses, the police informed journalists on Friday. Policemen found the severely wounded man, after a call about a stabbing, in front of the door of the barber shop. The barber had apparently gone back inside his shop after the incident. He has been arrested.

In 2000 there was a similar incident with a hairdresser in the Albert Cuypstreet. At that very incident a barber wounded his client so severely that it proved fatal. Whether this incident concerns the same barber is unclear at this time.

“Whether this incident concerns the same barber is unclear at this time“? Ex-Fucking-Cuse me? I should hope not! I would like to assume that the 2000 incident barber is under lock and key in some max security prison! He might have a roomie soon, though, by the looks of it… Crazy fucking barbers!

UPDATE: It actually WAS the same barber! It’s the second time he stabbed a client! First time he was let off the hook because he plead self defense… WTF! How does stabbing a defenseless client with your scissors after a row work out to be self defense? I hope the judge that went for that has got his foot up his own ass right now… Far Far up it! Goddammit!

First and foremost: It is amazingly wonderful to see how the blogging community has, and still is, pulled together on the horrible event in the life of New York City Watchdog (see post below). Let NOBODY ever again dare to say that the blogging community is not about “real” friendships and “real” life! I am not sure that non-bloggers will ever really grasp this, but I am extremely proud to belong to such a heartwarming, strong, caring community!

Secondly: I had the blog rated, as many of you kiddies have done before…

What can I say? I was having kind of a slow day…

I was outta shape.. I’m sorry…

I’ll do better next time. I should be able to get past this rating and go off the scales…

I had a post up today but I took it down after learning the news about NYC Watch Dog, from A Pile of Dog Bones, who lost his 5 year old son “Puppy Monster” in a swimming pool accident. My thoughts are with him and his family. There is no way I can possibly know what it feels like to loose a child, as I’ve never had to experience such a horrible fate, but I imagine it is the worst thing that can happen to a parent.

Please go over to his blog and show him some luvin’ in the comments section. This is a sad sad sad time in Blogistan.

For anyone wanting to make a financial donation to NYCWD in these trying times: Avitable has made this possible on his blog. Follow the link over there and do all you can.

Scene: Parking space in front of appartment building near supermarket. Nasty drizzly weather.
Characters: DutchBitch, The Kid

So I got off work at the end of the day, picked up The Kid from daycare and went to town to get some groceries from the supermarket. There was some sorta fair going on there, so I had some trouble finding a parking spot. But after a while I did. In front of a small appartment building across the street from the supermarket. The Kid and I got out of the car.

Enter new character: Lady coming from appartment building - from now on to be known as Dog Bitch

Dog Bitch walks out of the exit of the appartmentbuilding to put som stuff in her car, while I dive in the back of my car to get a shopping bag. Dog Bitch walks back into the appartment building to get some more stuff. Just when she’s closing the door she calls someone… It turns out to be her doggie… A tiny one, about ratsize. It looked ultracute though…

BIG MISTAKE!

The little rat doggie ran up to me and it looked like it was gonna jump up to me… It was obviously NOT on a leesh, like it should’ve been. I tried to avoid it from happening. What did Dog Bitch do? “Oh no, Bonnie, don’t jump against the ladies trousers, Hon!“.
Did Bonnie listen to her? N to the O to the P to the E! Fucking Dog! It jumped up to my freshly washed WHITE trousers!!!

Fucking Dog Bitch! What was all she had to say to me? “Oh, I’m Sorry Ma’am…” and then she got into her car and drove off

*blank stare*

Wháááááááááááááááát
Theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Fúúúúúúúúúúúúúúcckk
?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

What happened to “Here’s my number. Let me take care of your cleaning bill for you“? And, for that matter, what happened to putting your fucking dog on a leash or -as you were standing inches from the crime scene- grabbing hold of the fucking dog befóre it jumped up to me! At the very least you could make sure you are able to handle your dog and have it actually listen to you. Go back inside and read your fucking dog manual if you can’t! And don’t come out until you can! We always used to have dogs at home when I was young and this shit never happened to me.

Ok, that’s it. That was my rant for today… I feel like cleaning and reloading my riot gun for some odd unidentifiable reason…

I was at one of my girlfriend’s place and well, had to use the toilet. So what do you do when using someone’s toilet… You sit, do your thang and look around for a bit… She had a boring toilet… STFU! I know, I’m not one to talk… my toilet is boring as well, but I am working on it…

Anyway, I was sitting there, looking around and at some point I found myself thinking about how there are 2 ways to put your toilet paper roll in a dispenser:

1) The Right Way I Do It Myself a.k.a. “overhand”: the edge of the roll facing away from the wall
2) The Wrong Other Way a.k.a. “underhand”: the edge of the roll facing the wall

My friend’s toiletpaper was mounted in the “underhand” way, in an open dispenser system. So just a hook holding the roll fastened to the wall. I finished my doing my thang, ripped, wiped, flushed, zipped up, washed my hands and went back into the living room.

DutchBitch: “I suddenly got thinking of how funny it is that people have different ways of putting their toilet paper roll in the roller mechanism. Isn’t it?”
Friend: “Well, it should be like we do it. I hate it when the paper grazes the wall. I find that só unhygienic. Disgusting even!”
DutchBitch: “Ehm… Hon… you DO realize that no matter what way you put the toiletpaper roll on this particular roller mechanism, it will always graze the wall at some point, don’t you?… as it is a “roll”… and it is “rolling” along the bathroom wall no matter which way you pull it to rip off paper”
Friend: *blank stare*
DutchBitch: “Yes, Hon?”
Friend: “But… it doésn’t? It…”
DutchBitch: “It does”
Friend to Boyfriend: “It doesn’t!”
Boyfriend: “It does… Babe… She’s right”
Friend: “Ehm… *sound of brain rattling* OMG! It does!”
DutchBitch: “Right… it does”

Oh, and just for the record. My Way is The Right Way. I checked… (click the link)… Not that I really needed to check… I am always right…