The Dutch Files

Saw this on Lynda’s Journey… I thought my blog wouldn’t be worth shit, but it wasn’t that bad…

Like Lynda I am wondering when that check will be arriving…

Go see Nobody. It’s his last day being my weekly bitch… He’s done pretty well. Only thing left is to polish my red latex boots and he’ll be allowed outta his spot in the top right sidebar tomorrow… Most probably… I think…

I ran into one of my male friends the other day. He belongs to a group of friends I don’t see that often anymore. By choice… Yesterday I was reminded again why I decided to pull out of that group of friends a few months ago…

Male Friend: “Hey Girl! How’ve you been?”

DutchBitch: “Fine, I’ve been fine. You?”

MF: “I’ve been OK. You know: busy at work, relationship, kids”

DB: “Yeah, I know about most of that”

*MF staring at my ass and working his way up my body*

DB: “Yes?”

MF: “Damn’ woman, you look mighty horny. I would love to drag you into the alley and have it off with you. Just seeing you makes me want to rip you to pieces”

*putting his face close to my ear*

MF: “Just say the word and I’ll be there. I mean you are single… and I am avaible for you if you like. Can be our little secret”

*crickets*

*nasty look*

MF: “Why are you looking at me like that? Whaaaattt???”

DB: “What? You ask me what? I’ll tell you what! I wonder if any of you guys can é-v-e-r look at me and not say shit like that. I am not júst a vag! or just an ass! or just tits, or whatever. I am a PERSON and a pretty nice one in all, I think, and I am totally fed up with all the raunchy talk from all of you fuckers. It’s all you ever have to say to me. Fuck off and leave me alone. Join your fellow fucktards and tell X that she’s got a shitty asshole for a boyfriend!”

Oh, and I stated that in front of his office… with some of his colleagues standing pretty close, having a smoke outside…

Fucktard!

I am SO fed up with shit like that. Being seen as just a lustobject by men who call themselves my “friends”. I get plenty of that from guys I dón’t know. This guy is from a group of friends who are ALL married or at the very least in some kind of relationship and have been giving me this shit off and on ever since I got divorced. A few months ago I told all of them to go fuck themselves and not contact me anymore. I am glad I am not in touch with ‘m anymore. Shame I have to run into them every once in a while…

From now on the abbreviation MF in here just stands for Motherfucker.. I am just sorry I didn’t make the effort to raise my hand and bitchslap him..

Have you ever worn a short skirt to the office…

With kinda skimpy panties underneath…

Then dropped some documents on the floor…

Forgot that you were wearing that short skirt…

With those skimpy panties under there…

And bent over to pick up your documents…

With one of the professor colleauges of your boss standing behind you..

Have you?

Well… DON’T…

Bad Idea…

Bad Bad BAAAAAAAAD IDEAAAA!!!

…

Besides, squatting is much better for your knees anyway…

…

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m busy resuscitating said professor..

Somebody call 911!!!

A few months ago our department offered a trainee position to a medical student. It is a position in which he’ll be at the department for 6 months doing research… That’s 6 months TOO LONG! I am pretty patient and tolerant, even if people are not really my kinda “people”… This guy, na-ah… He’s in his early 20’s and the ONLY person I immediately felt the need to bitchslap the first moment I set eyes on him… He hadn’t even opened his mouth… After he had, bitchslappin’ wasn’t nearly enough… Ever since I just wanna kill him… He makes me loose all sensibility… He’s that kinda guy… Me and the other male student who shares an office with him and is going bananas as well because of him, have decided to call him “The Thing”…

Suffices to say that he’s not loved at the department. In fact, the word “hate” comes to mind regularly in connection with this particular person… He’s arrogant and snotty towards many people while he has no reason to be. For God’s Sake, he just came crawling out of his cabbage!

He’s been on vacation… The Thing… It was heavenly…

Now, our department got a new coffeemachine about 6 months ago. It needs to be cleaned twice a week. On Monday and Thursday at noon, it shuts down and demands to be cleaned and will not operate until someone goes thru the motions. We’re a pretty democratic department so it’s decided that who-ever is at the machine when it goes apeshit, is responsible for getting it back on track… I have posted the extremely easy and clear instructions up on the wall, next to the machine. It’s a matter of pushing some buttons, hauling a cloth thru the machine and putting back the packages of coffee and milk. It’s thát easy, it just takes about 5 minutes… at the móst!

Yesterday, at noon, at the office:

DutchBitch: *sees something resembling The Thing flash by*
TheThing: “Helloooooo. I’m back”
DB: *whisper to self* “OMFG! Please No… It’s back” *gag*
TT: “Ehm… the coffeemachine says “cleaning required” in the display”
DB: “Well, the instructions are posted on the wall nex to the machine. Good luck!”
TT: “But I don’t have to do that, do I? That’s what you are for, aren’t you?”
DB: “Oh really? Does it say Department Slave on my forehead?”
TT: “Uhm, No… but…”
DB: “Well, you know we all pull together to do stuff like that over here at our department, don’t you?”
TT: “Uhm, Yes… but…”
DB: “Just follow the instructions on the wall and you’ll be fine”
TT: “But… that will take ages!”
DB: “It won’t take ages, it just takes a few minutes. In fact, in the time you’ve spend arguing with me about it, you could’ve finished it”
TT: *inaudible*

Almost 10 minutes go by in which I don’t even hear the sound of a button being pushed or the machine door being opened. I am pretty sure he is not doing anything… I turn to watch him and he’s just standing there… Looking at the wall, sighing…

TT: *walking back to my desk*
DB: “Yes?”
TT: “Well, I can’t make heads nor tails of that stuff posted on the wall… I don’t get it at all”
DB: “Look X. It’s a 10 step description. Each step has ONE sentence in there WITH a picture of what to do. We’ve had the machine for 6 months and I’ve had none of the people here fail at cleaning the machine. Just follow the instructions exactly and it will allllll work out. Trust me: You cán do it”
TT: *grumble* - *walking away to his office*

OMFG! He just made thé worst move he could’ve

DB: “Hello! X! Where are you going?”
TT: “I can’t do it”
DB: “Why? Does your religion prevent you to?”
TT: “Uhm… No”
DB: “Are you in any way physically or mentally challenged to do it?”
TT: “Uhm… No”
DB: “So you just figured you’d just leave the shit for the next person? So you’re kinda sorta socially challenged? Right?”
TT: “Well, I just think it’s a secretaries job. I ám studying Medicine, you know…”

Correction: THIS was the worst move he could make

DB: “Look you snotty bugger. You are 21 years old and acting like a spoiled shit. Everyone here cleans the machine, including people with much higher ranks than you. Do not walk away from it”
TT: *inaudible*

Then he apparently decided that he did understand the stuff posted on the wall and was finished cleaning the machine within 4 minutes… Asshole! Antisocial fucker! I hope he will never be my physician when he grows up… I was THIS close to actually drawing blood… HIS blood…

Maybe this weeks’ DutchBitch-bitch Nobody’s got something better for ya… He’s in the pimpin’ quarters in the top right sidebar…