The Dutch Files

• A man orgasms on average about 7,2000 times in his life. About 2,000 of those instances are self inflicted handjobs…
• The above adds up to about 17 liters of sperm in total per man…
• The existence of sperm was discovered in 1677 by a Dutchman. The Dutch student Ludwig Hamm saw distinct movement when he decided to look at his own little puddle under a miscroscope…
• The average length of a human penis is about 15 cm (nearly 6 inches). In comparison: the average amongst gorilla’s is 8 cm (3 inches), horses 75 cm (29.5 inches), elephants 2 m (almost 79 inches) and blue whales 2.4 m (94 inches)…
• The average man has an erection while sleeping about every 90 minutes. That’s about 4-5 times per night…
• Research shows that masturbation is connected with level of education. The higher the level of education, the more masturbation. Scientists seem to be the Kings of Masturbation…
• About 1 in 100 men is able to selfpenetrate…
• About 2 in 1,000 men is able to self-fellate…
• In 1609 one Dr Wecker from Bologna found a body with 2 penisses… About 80 similar cases have been reported ever since..

Yeah, I thought you’d love to know about all this shit… Yeah, you’re welcome…

Although, working at a research department surrounded by scientists for almost 15 years now at the medical center is suddenly placed in a whole different light… It’s a miracle I am not up to my ears in sperm at the office, fucking hell!!!

And ehm… if you are one of those guys who can self penetrate and/or self fellate… Don’t send me pics… Puh-lease! Have fun, leave me out of it…

• I watched a series of my first (yes, FIRST, MC, we’re so fucking behind on it over here in Dutchyland) season “24″ dvd’s that I bought in a flash of insanity. I had seen bits and pieces of it warp by on TV, but never seen the whole thing. Yes, STFU allaya. I do realize that it’s up to its 7th season now. That just means that I have loads of catching up to do. Shut up!
• I worked thru the backlog of blog surfing on my Google Reader. How is it that when I skip a day the fucking reader immediately is up to 100+ posts to catch up? Sheesh! Cut me some slack! If I don’t have time to catch up, stop writing posts! Especially several posts/day! Shit!
• I cruised around your blogs for some new interesting blogs to read on your blog rolls. I found some. I added them to my Google Reader and my blogroll. If you have tips for other blogs, please let me know!
• Being bored made me clean up my blogroll. I moved some outta there and added some new ones. Be a darling and please, if you can, check if your URL is still right. I tried to keep up with people moving domains, but I might’ve missed some here and there. Lemmeknow!
• I’ve been fairly continuously around on Crackbook. I am being slashed in Scrabulous by the likes of Jennifer and Tracy. I’ve been cruising your friends lists for people to befriend… I want more friends. Get your asses in gear and come and find me on Facebook. I always want more more more!!! Of e-ve-ry-thing!
• I’ve had my ass on the couch most of the day on Saturday and Sunday. Bored shitless… I might’ve moved to go pee, get a drink, and put some medication on my cold sore… But only if I reaaallly had to…
• Did I already tell you to come and see me on Facebook? I did? Well, fuck that… Why aren’t you over there already?
• I think I can feel a serious cold coming on. I guess my sinusses can’t be bothered to fight it… Lazy fuckers…
• Do you know what a fucking long walk the few meters to my toilet are, when I am totally bored shitless and can’t be bothered to move? It is!
• I could hardly be bothered to wipe my ass on the toilet… STFU! I said “hardly”. But I only did it cuz I knew nót doing it would have me end up with a shitload (heh… “shitload”) of laundry at the end of the day…
• I finally knew hów bad my boredom state was when I found that I couldn’t even be bothered to zap away from those fucking annoying infomercials on TV. WTF is that sickening nasty clip on “Epilsmooth” in which they actually make you watch rubbin’ the hairs of a guy’s back! Eeeewww!!!
• I checked my office email. There’s loads of brainless asshole messages in there. I am sure that today will be a wonderful day back at the office. I can’t wait to reply to each and everyone of them.
• So, you on Facebook adding me as your friend yet?
• I have not decided yet on whether to do a 2007 DutchBitch Holidays Postcard… I thought about it a lot over the weekend, but the subject has been left undecided. I’ll think about it some more next weekend… Plenty of boring time to do so then, I am expecting… You think I should do one to send to allaya bitches?
• I cruised the net to find myself a new sextoy. I didn’t find one. They were either too boring or too expensive. I think I’ll use my hands and fingers for a little while longer. Fuck the RSI I am suffering from as a result of that!
• I found myself sitting on the couch experiencing episodes of just staring at nuttin’ thinking nuttin’. As my brain has been on overload lately I guess that was a good thing. It’s kinda scary though to find yourself in a sorta catatonic state though… I mean, WTF, it’s actually possible to think nuttin’?
• Was that my email bleeping with a message that someone wants to be my Facebook friend?
• I guess I gotta get my ass in gear and go to the office now… Excuse me while I jumpstart my brain, fuck you very much…

I am going thru the motions… Motions I go thru in my life every now and then… I’ve been hitting rock bottom over the past weeks in stress level. Life in every aspect has just been too busy, mostly at the office but also privately there’s been a lot going on. Not emotionally, just loads of chores, school stuff for The Kid, organizational problems and other shit with The Ex, working extra jobs and juggling finances… I’ve told it all before, sometimes it just gets to breaking point and I get tired of all that shit… Physically tired…

Emotionally though, I’m bored… It amazes me how you can be physically tired, just from working days being too long, having too little hours to do everything you need to do, and still be emotionally bored… My life is busy on every level, but it’s not changing much… There’s The Kid, whom I love to bits, my job, that I love doing, my family, that are really important in my life, but it seems like the past year has been quietly bubbling by… Like the past 5 years have been… In my own little personal world, my very personal personal life, nothing is happening. There’s no sparks flying, there’s no major changes, it’s serene and unchanged… As the year is drawing to a close and my 38th birthday drawing near, I can do nothing else but conclude that in that aspect of my life, I’m bored… And I have been for a long time…

And The DutchBitch being bored in her personal personal life, is no good… It’s making me into a Restless Bitch… When The Kid is with his dad and I am home alone, nowhere to go, I get restless… and trust me: a Restless Bitch will end up doing Stupid Things… I can just feel it happening inside me…

My circle of friends consists mainly of people in relationships, busy with their own lives, and though I do go out to visit friends and such every once in a while, many weekends pass me by with an incredible level of boredom. I do fun things at times, sure, but deep down, it’s just quiet and too fucking serene… I find myself freakin’ out in my appartment contemplating the stupidest things. If I could afford it I could just drive over to the airport, get on a plane to wherever and just go… I feel like I could just scream! Something needs to happen in my life, whatever, or I may explode of restlessness…

Yes, I know! I dó realize that I am not alone and that boredom can happen to anyone, single or in a relationship, man or woman, children or no children, living in Dutchyland or wherever… I am not sitting here feeling sorry for myself, I am not stating that I am the only one going thru this motion. I am not. I am just concluding a disturbing fact:

The DutchBitch is Restless and if that lasts any longer it’s gonna go all apeshit! I am not great at being restless… I am prone to make a stupid decision or whatever soon… one to the level that could potentially fuck up my life… There’s no particular thing I have in mind… I can just feel me leaning towards whatever decision that will land me in to an incredible level of shit… Being restless sucks…

A Restless Bitch is a Dangerous Bitch…

Sheesh! I know I should’ve just gotten on a plane and attend Avi’s Halloween party… Maybe that would’ve eased me down… Maybe not…

Somebody stop save me!

So Avi invited me over to his, without a doubt, awesome Halloween party. I’ve been contemplating what costume to wear. Avi’s ruled out some costume ideas of his own… I’ve ruled out all the sugahcoated cute ones, the ones that weren’t nearly naughty enough and the ones that didn’t come with stiletto heeled boots…

I’ve decided on this one…

Fucking Hawt, isn’t it?

Will that enable me to turn Avi into my sexslave?

Will that finally get Fab to haul his fiancee butt over to Dutchyland?

Oh WTF am I talking about anyway?

I won’t get to go to Avi’s party… and The Dutch don’t do Halloween…

Ah, a girl can dream, can’t she?