Oct 09
Double Date
I went on some kinda doubledate-ish thingy yesterday… I was gonna go out to dinner with a girlfriend of mine, who informed me half an hour before I was due to be in the restaurant that she was bringing the hubs and “a really nice colleague of the hubs”… I could feel a disastrous matchmaking attempt coming on… You see: “hubs” is not really my kinda guy… and when I say that, that is thé understatement of the century. Yeah, STFU, I know this century has barely gotten to a start, but trust me… It’s a sure thing… So needless to say that I didn’t have high hopes for the “really nice colleague -slash- friend of the hubs”…
Still, I was really looking forward to seeing my girlfriend, and ok, given the fact that nothing happens if you don’t take a chance every once in a while, I thought I should get over myself and show up. So I did.
B.I.G. M.I.S.T.A.K.E.!!! HUGE HUGE MISTAKE!!!
I walked into the restaurant, looked around for my girlfriend, and sure enough I found her. I walked up to her and hugged her “hello”. In the corner of my eye I could see the “hubs” and “friend” at the bar. Hubs didn’t bother to come say hello and they just sat there all relaxed, and we’re oogling me from top to bottom… And then the first words out of the mouth of the “friend” were: “Sheesh, you were right, that is one fucking horny chick“. Yup, that pretty much set the tone for the evening… My girlfriend didn’t overhear it as she was trying to get us seated, but I did…
We sat down and I was seated opposite Mr Friend. Just before arriving at the table he grabbed my ass. HE GRABBED MY ASS!!! I grabbed his hand, firmly, I think I managed to draw some blood with my nails, and pushed it away from my ass, giving him the stare of death. Then he sat down and, finally, he introduced himself… Well, sorta… He pointed at himself and said: “Mike. You?”. WTF?! Does he speak in one-word sentences? I’m pretty sure his last name is “Caveman”. My girlfriend already looked like she could just die, so in order to save some of the evening I decided to try and not be a bitch and just get some small talk in. So we talked, all four of us, about ourselves, work, friends, and shit like that.
Bye the time we were halfway thru our main course I think that my skin was burning from all the oogling this guy did… He was actually doing so much staring that he spilled his food everywhere! Oh ok, that might have also been due to the fact that he clearly wasn’t brought up to speed about the use of cutlery. And please tell me: is there seriously any decent person left that actually tucks his napkin into the collar of his shirt?
He also found it necessary to slither his tongue at me and look all nasty eyed and mysterious about once every 15 minutes… WTF is up with that?!?!?!? I am not sure if any guy ever won over a woman like that, but I sure as hell am not one of those women! He then proceeded rubbing his leg against mine under the table… O.M.F.G.!!! My girlfriend was already too embarrased, so not to stir any shit for her sake, yet, I just moved my leg away from the reach of his… but not before I firmly hacked my heel into his toes…
Just before dessert “hubs” had to go “take a leak” as he announced it. Mind you, we were in a pretty fancy restaurant and me and the girlfriend, we were dying inside by now cuz of the guys’ behavior… For the life of me I can’t understand how those 2 ended up together, I guess he must either be really sweet or really good in bed, or maybe even both… So the “hubs” went to the bathroom and girlfriend’s phone rang. It was the babysitter, so she walked out of the restaurant to take the call. I was left with Mr Friend…
It had DISASTER writtten all over it, the anticipation of the next few minutes…
He looked at me and the following happened:
MrFriend: “Ah, finally, right?”
DutchBitch: “Ehm, sorry? Finally?”
MrFriend: “Finally we’re alone for a minute”
DutchBitch: “Oh right. Yes”
MrFriend: “So I guess we’ll go somewhere together after this? Your place or mine? *wink*”
DutchBitch: “I’m sorry, but I don’t think that is a good idea. I am not at all too sure we’re hitting it off here”
MrFriend: “Uh… you don’t? But X (a.k.a. “Hubs”) said you were a sure thing!”
*rubbing his leg against mine under table*
DutchBitch: “OK, you gotta stop it now! All of it: the oogling, the nasty tongue thing, the leg rubbing. It stops now! WTF kinda Neanderthal are you, anyway? Is that how you interact with women on a regular basis? Lemmetellya, it doesn’t work out well for ya”
MrFriend: “Oh come on. X said that you were a sure thing!”
DutchBitch: “Yes, you already said that. He was wrong”
MrFriend: *inaudible mumbling*
The girlfriend and hubs returned to the table and we finished dinner. The guys hardly said another word, got themselves drunk, and me and the girlfriend finished our conversation. At the end of the evening I said my goodbyes (mind you, the “hubs” still hadn’t said a word to me all night), I walked up to my car, got in, let out a sigh and drove off.
I talked to my girlfriend this morning. Apparently both “Hubs” and “MrFriend” had decided that I was the most frigid bitch alive. I’m fine with that. As long as you are the kinda guys that seriously even give indications like “Caveman” and “Neanderthal” a bad name, I am fine with you considering me a frigid bitch. If that means asshole fucktards like you will keep your sorry asses faaaar away from me, that is fiiiiiiine with me!
Aww hun, I am sorry, no one deserves to have to put up with that. I would’ve been out of there as soon as that first idiotic comment, however much the friend was sorry, doesn’t mean you’ve got to put up with harassment, ‘cos that’s definitely what it is. *big hugs*
I’m seriously embarrassed to be of the same gender as those two fuckwits. Then again, with people like that around I must appear quite a catch
Kat tucks her napkin in her shirt collar, and she’s a decent person. She’s also four years old.
OMG! I am so angry about this right now!! :evil: WTF? I can’t believe you stayed-even for the sake of seeing your friend! You should have called him AND Hubs out for the ’sure thing’ remark. And apologized to your friend for leaving. Next time get together with her-not her “man”
I’d NEVER hook you up with an asshole!!! Unless you wanted me too! LOL
You went to dinner with the Geico Cavemen???
Seriously though… I do tuck my napkin into my shirt collar when I eat BBQ. I have a serious issue with keeping the sauce on the food and off my shirt. Otherwise I’m a napkin lap kinda guy.
So is she REALLY a friend… or did you steal her first born or something to piss her off to that extent?
God…he reminds me very much of someone I went out with ONCE…and only ONCE. Maybe he relocated to Dutchyland…in which case, I’m very very very very sorry. Seriously, men like that need to be eradicated from the face of the earth. It’s one thing for a man to comment on a woman’s sexual prowess, but when a man starts assuming you’re going to “put out” well…I think you should have gotten just close enough to him to have shoved your stiletto right up his urethra! What a slime ball!
Oh no darling, what a horrible night! I think even the cave man would have better manners than this sloth did. What a cad!
WTF?!?!?!? Did you say something to the girlfriend about her darling “hubs” pimping you the fuck OUT?!?!
“sure thing”??
Um, no. If a husband/boyfriend of mine let that remark cross their lips, they would BOTH be getting an assful and an earful from me.
Holy shit. Seriously Dutchy, you do not deserve to sit through that kind of shit. Not even for a moment.
Rache: well it was by choice that I stayed as I had not seen her for months
WDKY: I wouldn’t know. I have never had the pleasure (?) of sitting across the dinner table from you
Annie: OK at four years old she’s forgiven
Metalmom: Well, I didn’t want to leave and it turned out it wasn’t her doing. The fucktard hubs had just turned up with his friend.
NYCWD: Ok you got me… I did steal her first born… Sheesh you’re good!
Britt: I didn’t say anything to the girlfriend. I did to the hubs. That he isn’t talking to me doesn’t mean I can’t
scream attalk to him… I think I used the words “fucktard”, “asshole” and “motherfucker” in once sentence… Yup, pretty sure I did…That Bitchy Chick: Yeah, I forgot to wear the stiletto’s…
Andimac: I think a caveman would’ve had better manner for sure too!
Mostly my napkin goes on my lap, unless I get a messy food and am wearing a white shirt. Of course, I am clumsy.
That guy….errrrgh. I would have elbowed him in the gut at the first ass grab. On the bright side, Hubs will probably never set you up with a collegue again!
You made that all up, right? He sounded like he was from the movie “Animal House” right out of central casting! If that’s what your friends do for you, you really need some new friends….
Lynda: Hubs better never do anything to/for me again! anything!
Buff: I WISH I’d made it up. It’s not what my friends do to me, it’s what my enemies do to me (it was the hubs doing)
Oh wow…I’m so sorry. Hopefully the good to come out of this is that the ‘hubs’ no longer considers you an easy ’sure thing’…asshats.
holy hell, dutchy, I would have decked that fucker - and your friend too! what kind of friend DOES that?!!!
You don’t get it: he was more than shy and sooooo embarassed to show off his romantic side and higher education.
Such a sweet guy, it brings a tear to my eyes.
You shoulda kicked him in the balls to show him your affection in return…
Tug: I am sure he won’t, especially after I
kicked his ballsexplained it to him…Webmiztris: Well, it was the hubs idea as it turns out and he is NOT my friend, so I guess he had no problem with it…
FroggyWoogie: LOL, I should’ve!
OH MY GOD!!!! Wow….. talk about the date from hell. Ummm…first things first.. “Hubs” needs to have his ass reamed by a chainsaw for telling some guy that you were a “sure thing”.
Second… I’m surprised you didn’t go all “Kung-Fu” on this dickwad’s ass and put him into an arm lock that had him on his knees, crying and begging for his mommy in front of the whole restaurant. He deserved to be humiliated!
Better yet, a carefully worded “Touch me one more time and my stilleto is going to make sure you sing Soprano for the rest of your life.” ha..ha.ha… What a SLIME!!!!!
OMG
you could make a movie scene from that I’m sure!
I once had a guy that turned up for a date with Lube in this pocket… No idea what he was expecting but whatever it was he didn’t get it… shortest date I ever had.
ThatBitchyChick used the word Urethra
hilarious!
P:s - do you get to pick your own anti-spam words in the comments section or is it just a co-incidence that the word is “whipping”?
CinnKitty: Well I didn’t because of my girlfriend. It wasn’t her doing at all and I love her dearly, and we don’t see eachother very often. So that’s why I restrained myself a bit. Believe me, I would’ve luv’d to KungFu his ass!
BHB: I think the script wouldn’t sell… Too weird ;-)
But it’s OK if I oogle you, right?
Gak! I swear, you should put all these stories together into a dating book. I mean it!
I didn’t think guys like that really existed. Wow.
D-man: Of course, Hon, of course
Attila: I might do that someday, LOL
Robin: They do! Aren’t they called Hillbillies in your part of the world?
Good point, I tend to avoid those types at all costs.
Good lord. How awful. I feel awkward to even share the same gender as such an oaf.
Sounds like your friend could do with a better deal as well.