The Dutch Files

Mar 30

Bad Vibrations

I have been contemplating what to do with my sex toys… I have a shitload of ´m. Nice soft flexible… almost real life ones… in all kinds of nasty bright screamy colors…

Hey! STFU! Even a single girl only meeting fucktards´s got needs! And contrary to what any man would like to think, all girls reading this blog know I am right: There is NO man who has EVER given me a better orgasm than I can give myself… Over and over and over again… Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh…

I digress… A few months ago THIS was all over the Dutch news. It’s about sex toys containing all kinds of hazardous phlalates, toxic chemical softeners used in PVC to make it soft and flexible…

Crapfuckshitcuntassdamn’d!!! My wonderful soft flexible magic sexwonders are toxic!!! Ugh… How can they be? They are so nice and soft and wonderful… And now they are these lifethreatening devices… I can’t believe it!

Obviously I have no particularly desire for my inner thigh and crotch area to develop any kind of crap disease, let alone cancer, but those babies are my sex-life-savers! I don’t think I could do without them… *sob* Of course I could switch to the rockhard non-flexible ones, but those of you “having done” those might agree with me that they are ok… but not nearly as great…

The ultimate solution stated by the manufacturers?: “PVC and jelly-rubber toys have often been found to be problematic because they contain unsafe phthalates, softeners added to many plastics that are also found in some jewelry, food containers, and other soft rubber toys. Phthalates have been linked to health problems such as cancer and prenatal defects. Manufacturers recommend using condoms with these toys”

WTF!!! I spend my single life staying away from being a nympho and diving in bed with every other guy that tries to get into my pants… being a good girl… sorta… and now I have to start practising SAFE SEX with my very own sextoys!?!?!?

Ugh… back to the “old days”… Can you imagine putting a condom on your sextoy? What size do I get? What if the condom fails? And I seem to remember that putting a condom onto summin’ “flexible” can be a drag…

Well… I guess I am off to the drugstore for a discount package of condoms… for my sex toys… And OMFG! To think that I had to throw out a huge batch of outdated condoms little over a year ago!!! Ugh… Triple Ugh… I seriously need to get me a man…

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19 Dutch Treats to “Bad Vibrations”

1. on 30 Mar 2007 at 1:54 pm

   Yougottabefuggginkiddinme….

2. on 30 Mar 2007 at 1:56 pm

   Buffalodickdy: Don’t you think I WISH I was kidding you? *sigh* A single girls life is not easy…

3. on 30 Mar 2007 at 2:40 pm

   Don’t think being married prevents no sex happening! There are days where I wonder if anybody is scoring…..

4. on 30 Mar 2007 at 4:05 pm

   May I volunteer to be of assistance? I mean, if you’re looking for a man and all…

5. on 30 Mar 2007 at 4:30 pm

   Bad Vibrations.. hahaha
   perfect title!

6. on 30 Mar 2007 at 4:57 pm

   Buffalodicky: No worries, I know aaaaalll about that, as I was married like that once… Still, I am not getting any AND I now have to practise safe sex with a dildo! Umph!

   Karl: Will that be of any difference on the safesex/condoms issue?

   Jen: LOL, it is, isn’t it?

7. on 30 Mar 2007 at 5:00 pm

   People have been using them for years, right? I say all of the women march and protest, flinging their dildos at the manufacturer until they offer replacements.

8. on 30 Mar 2007 at 5:46 pm

   This may or may not make you feel better. I found out when companies do testing, they put all kinds of warnings on. So, for example, they are testing the new Dildo 3000, and they ask so many woman to test it out. Then a woman gets ovarian cancer, so they say something in the product *may* cause cancer.

   There have been warnings like this going around. My MIL won’t microwave plastic containers now because she heard of this a few years ago.

9. on 30 Mar 2007 at 5:48 pm

   Hilly: Right On! I’ll be organizing the March of the Flinging Dildo’s soon!

   Lynda: Yeah, I know. It’s been a big issue with children’s toys over here as well. My sex toys will probably be flinging in the bin soon.

10. on 30 Mar 2007 at 8:35 pm

    “There is NO man who has EVER given me a better orgasm than I can give myself…”

    isn’t that the truth…LOL except I won’t use sex toys. they just don’t work for me. All I need is my fingers. ;)

11. on 30 Mar 2007 at 8:41 pm

    Dawn: Fingers are good as well… But I still love my sextoys… since my fingers suffer from masturbation induced RSI ;-)

12. on 31 Mar 2007 at 1:25 am

    um…I got nuthin.

13. on 31 Mar 2007 at 6:53 am

    Ohhhhhhh….no…..now im really screwed

14. on 31 Mar 2007 at 7:32 am

    The Chad: Nuthin to say or Nuthin in sex toys available?

    MistressM: I knoooooooowwww!!! :-(

15. on 01 Apr 2007 at 7:50 pm

    Damn. I’m glad I came by - the things you learn on this educational blog….

16. on 02 Apr 2007 at 8:18 am

    Ew. That picture gives new meaning to the term “crotchrot”. LOL

17. on 02 Apr 2007 at 9:59 am

    Tug: Yeah… educational blog is exactly the scope I am aiming for…

    Attila: LMOA! Eeeww!

18. on 02 Apr 2007 at 12:57 pm

    Flavoured condoms?

19. on 02 Apr 2007 at 1:10 pm

    D-man: You do not seriously think I give my sex toys blow jobs do you? I mean… so flavoured would be a bit of a waste, really…

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