The Dutch Files

Day 2 was a fairly uneventful day. I worked most of the day and ran around running errands and arranging stuff for the rest of the week. I didn’t get around to using neither the sauna nor the jacuzzi yet. I got up at 6.30 a.m., I went to bed at 01.00 a.m. and my alarm clock went off at 7 a.m. again this morning.

I had to go out to get one of the US participants new batteries for his calculator. They have NO time to do shit like that themselves so I do stuff like that at times… It was no use, the calculator was still not functioning properly with the new batteries in, so we decided that that meant that it was probably a piece of shit calculator. He had been using it a lifetime, I think it actually was one from the 1950’s series…

I had to assist one of the other US participants with a phonecard she bought in Leiden before departure. It’s an international phonecard and the instructions were in Dutch. Kinda stupid, right? Still, it didn’t matter cuz I couldn’t figure them out either so I had to call their customer service and figured it out in the end. I told her that I thought the card and the shop she bought it at sucked ass. She agreed. She told me she bought it in this tiny tiny shop in Leiden that had hundreds of different phonecards for sale and this lady at a cash register behind bullet proof glass. I told her that there was a reason she was behind bullet proof glass probably… loads of unsatisfied customers… and that the shop didn’t sound very trustworthy to me. It will probably have been turned into a falafel shop or summin by the time we return!

I had the following conversation with one of the male participants the other day:
Male Participant: “Do we have assigned seating?”
DutchBitch: “Nah, you can sit wherever you like”
MP: “OK, so where are the beautiful women sitting?”
DB: “Well, that depends. Taste differs right? So that depends on what constitutes a beautiful woman to you”
MP: “OK, so ehm… where are you sitting?”
He was out of luck. I am not seated in the course room. Well, I am in the same room but at the other end, away from the teaching, out of sight.

We were dissed by the hotelmanager for not noticing for 2 whole days that the whale jaws in front of the hotel entrance were gone… OK, so they are fucking huge… and we didn’t notice they were gone… after 15 years of being there… but hey! It was raining and dark when we arrived. He’s gotta cut us some slack! We have bigger fish to fry than noticing effing whale jaws being gone, right?

I spend the evening socializing at the hotelbar. Yup, that’s one of my assigned duties as well. Networking and socializing with the participants. I sat down with 3 male Dutch ones and I had very interesting highly intellectual discussions with one of them… about who brought a bigger suitcase (I think I did, he thinks he did), about him only finding out 5 years ago what a wire bra is (he’s frigging 47!), and his PDA breaking down as a result of dropping it in the toilet. Yeah, we have highly intelligent scientists over here at the course.

Also called the room of our Irish participants who seemed to be “missing in action” the second part of the day. He didn’t answer. So I went over there, knocked on the door, and this time he did answer. Phew… turned out he had an upset stomach… I didn’t know Irishmen were such sissy’s…

And our US and Norwegian participants? Off to bed at 09.30 p.m. WTF is up with that? Wimpalooza all around!

Oh, and this morning I found out I had packed the wrong deodorant… The one that makes me scream out in pain when putting it on after shaving my armpits… There was some strong language involved… I am not sure I am allowed to employ such language in the bridal suite… I might be arrested by the island cops…

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