Nov 01
One Scared Bitch
Something is getting closer and I hate it… I am feeling so much for my boy right now… He’s been having it tough over the past few months and things could potentially get worse as from tomorrow… They might not, but they could…
The Kid has had some shit to deal with lately: he smacked down on the playground of the school a few months ago and broke off his front teeth… I (yes “I” as The Ex can’t be bothered with this shit) spent two 2 hour sessions at the dentist with him getting it fixed… I kept my cool, I was there for him, soothing him, keeping him calm, as he was going thru a lot of pain… He still talks about it now and then… His teeth look fine though and I am happy to say that he doesn’t have any fear for dentists… yet…
Then there was the incident a few weeks ago when he did the summer sault on his defective bike. The one his dad had bought him second hand (which is fine in itself as long as you have it checked) and which’s brakes weren’t working. He landed ON the road and the truck that was coming up to him managed to stop about 5 inches from his head… Total shock… Otherwise he was fine… That truckdriver was his guardian angel, I am sure of it!
Last week I had to take him to the eyedoctor. No biggie, he was squinting his eyes watching TV and I wanted to see whether something was going on with his vision. It turned out to be fine, but The Kid had already been freaking out for weeks before about the prospect of maybe needing glasses…
The biggie will be the one tomorrow though. It’s been coming on for a year now. I’ve known about it all that time, but now that it’s almost here, the knot in my stomach is getting bigger and bigger. It’s an important day for him and also for us, being his parents. This one really fucks me up… We are taking him into the medical center genetics center to have him tested for a cardiac disorder. Yeah, that’s right… My little 9 year old needs to be tested for some potentially life threatening cardiac shit.
Lemme explain. A few years ago, I was sitting in my appartment, minding my own business, The Kid was in his bed sleeping, when my phone rang. It was one of the PFKAF (People Formerly Known As Friends). At the time The Ex was a member of a basketbalteam that consisted of many people that currently belong to the PFKAF’s. I didn’t really feel like picking up the phone and talking to him, so I let it go to voice mail. After a while it rang again, I let it go to voice mail again. The very next second my mobile started to ring, it was him again. Now you knów that sets off alarmbells with mostly anyone, cuz if they are trying to reach you again and again, there must be something wrong. So I picked up the mobile and yup, sure enough there it was… The PFKAK told me that they were in the sportshall, and emergency ambulance personnel were trying to resuscitate The Ex, as he had suddenly gone into cardiac arrest while playing basketball… And things weren’t looking good…
* ! DAAAAAAAAAAAAANG ! *
My world collapsed right then and there. OMFG! I might have to tell The Kid the next day that his dad was no longer there… I broke down inside… Cuz how ever much you divorced and whatever reasons you might have for it, I would never wish anything bad to happen to my kid’s father (well, sometimes I do, but not like that… STFU). The Ex was in CCU for weeks after that. It was a fucked up crazy situation as the CCU unit was at the other side of the hall from where my office is in the medical center. I was shunned and ignored by all the family members that I ran into all day at the elevators and shit, but I didn’t care. Most important thing was that my kid’s dad survived the ordeal. I had a hard time keeping things together, taking care of The Kid and also guiding him thru it all emotionally, but at least his dad is still here. I had a lot of support on my side from my own family which was great.
The Ex has had to adjust his lifestyle to his cardiac disorder. He’s had an ICD implanted. It’s a life sentence but with some adjustments it is very possible to live with it and have a good and active life. He’s had to stop doing interval sports and as a result has had to give up basketball, which was very hard for him. He’s had to recover physically and mentally, but he’s doing well now. He’s been back at work since 6 months after the incident and is doing everything he loves, including fucking me up at times *snort*
About a year into the ordeal test showed that he was actually suffering from Brugada Syndrome. It’s hereditary…
Again: * ! DAAAAAAAANG! *
In case The Kid would prove to have the syndrome as well, there’s treatment available that can be potentially life saving. Also we’d be required to make adjustments in his life style with respect to sports, choice of education and profession and whatever else… Because of that in Dutchyland it is allowed to have children under the age of 18 tested. We were asked last year whether we would want to have The Kid tested at age 10.
Sure as hell we want to have The Kid tested! Holy Shit! YES!!!
Tomorrow is the day. We first have an appointment with the genetic institute’s child psychologist and after that we’ll have blood drawn to have the DNA testing done and we’ll probably have to wait a few weeks for the results… That’ll be it… but though it is a minor procedure, it is a really big thing in all our lives.
My Mommie stomach is tied in knots…
I am trying to keep my cool. So I can talk to The Kid in the right way, so I can be there for him within the next few days cuz he wíll have questions and I know, no matter what we tell him, he wíll be scared because he knows exactly what happened to his dad a few years ago. And I can’t even begin to imagine the medical tredmill we’ll land in when it turns out he does have it. He will have to go thru a battery of unsettling and some painfull tests… I just don’t want to think about that yet, as we aren’t there yet… We might not be there at all… I’ll try to keep it together and cross that bridge when I come to it. But everyone of you knows the “what if’s” áre going thru my head anyway, right now… no matter what I tell myself…
These are the times that I really really really miss having a partner and some emotional support around… An arm around me… Cuz I’m scared… There, I said it: The Bitch Is Scared…
There are things in life wich one cannot predict, stop from happening, or change. Health is pretty much one of them. What it matters most in these situations is how you take upon that thing, how you approach it. I know you are a wonderful mother, and I know the Kid is in very good hands! I hope you will find deep inside you the strength to go trough with all this, but most of all I hope the tests will go negative and that everything will be fine! And for the teeth and the bicycle accident, they are all part of life, they remind us every time how fragile we can be. I hope a man will step soon in your life, a real one ;). It will make things easier for you, but until then you have to be strong!!! Lots of hugs and I will keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best of news!
Btw… I DID make a blog…. Today was my first post *humble* … if you are ever interesed.. just take a peak!
Thanks!
I know it’s hard, but there is no sense worrying about it until the tests are done. But I know you are going to, anyway. And I am too. Let us know as soon as you know something. We’re thinking of you guys.
I can understand why you’d be worried, but hopefully everything will turn out just fine! Keep us posted.
Oh Dutchy, I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I’ll be thinking of you both.
Everything will be fine, whatever the results :)
Big hug
I know you’re a Mom, and are supposed to worry about everything- but don’t worry about something before you know. It’s important that you do it and find out- worrying could distract you into other trouble. Best wishes for good results!
I don\’t have kids, I only have advice. He either has it already or he doesn\’t, and having the test done doesn\’t make him suddenly have it, so better to know than not. Still, I hope he doesn\’t. And, … dunno, better to get all this shitty stuff out of the way all at once than have it spread out over years and wondering why your entire life sucks.
Wow, I am so uplifting! Sorry.
Best of luck, DB.
My hand is on the monitor-sending you good vibes.You are part of an exclusive club…Moms Who Care.Every member is invested with super powers that only kick in when our children need us, so don’t worry, you’ll have the strength to do whatever Kid needs you to do.You also must remember that kids are stronger than we think they are and they sense the things we won’t say out loud.Be honest with him and you will be there for each other.
{{{{Dutchy}}}}
Oh honey… my heart is soooo going out to you. And The Kid.
Thinking positive happy thoughts that your genes kicked the ex’s genes asses in the kid making!!!
I’m sorry Dutchy, that is some rough shit to deal with. Whatever happens you know you have a community of people to turn to. G-man and I are thinking of you guys.
Our thoughts are definitely with you and The Kid. If he tests positive for the syndrome, just be glad that the doctors found out now instead of later while he was lying on the floor with the shock paddles poised. As you say, it can be treated and he can still have a great life. The best to you both.
that’s scary - I hope everything turns out all right for the Kid…..
I hope everything goes fine. Atleast it’s something you can have him tested for ya know? It’s better to know then have something happen like with The Ex. You’ll be in my thoughts hon!
I’m sorry you guys have to go trough this. Hopefully everything will be alright and the kid will be fine. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you!
That really sucks. I hope everything turns out okay! I will be thinking of you!
Alle beste!
Many many good thoughts & prayers for you & the Kid Dutchy…much luck & many ((hugs)).
My thoughts are with you both. I know what you’re going through, and if there is any way I can help you get through it, you know where to find me. You will get through this, I promise.
On the bright side, better to know earlier so it can be dealt with before something happens.
Prayers that all is normal. xoxo
From what I read, Brugada’s skips generations. It is possible that your son doesn’t have a damn thing wrong with him at all. Good for you though, for getting it checked nice and early. Some parents wouldn’t bother.
My son had open heart surgery twice before he was two years old. It is agonizing and heart wrenching…but you’re mom and you do what you have to do to get through.
You have my best wishes, thoughts and prayers.
CP.
All I know is that the kid’s got an amazing mommy. Whatever happens, you’re there.
I’m thinking of you guys…
To All Of My Blogging Friends:
Thanks for all your heartwarming reactions. I’ve just returned from the genetics center. The visit went well, The Kid did great and is mainly happy the blood drawing is over. We’ll have to wait till mid January for the results.
You are the sweetest people ever! Thanks for everyone who commented and sent me emails. I’ll keep you all posted. For now, life goes on.
You have to wait until JANUARY????
I’m sorry you are going through this. I could say that you are not alone–so far you have 22 comments on this post–but I know you mean the physical kind of emotional support. I would hug you and hold you while you cried if I could. I’m here, only an email away, if you need to talk.
January? That seems like a long time, but then I guess they have to be very sure, don’t they? I hope they come back clear, at least the tests are over for now. *virtual hugs*