The Dutch Files

Yeah… on Wednesdaymorning (Dutchyland time)… while most of you were sleeping… a world rocking event has taken place… And you didn’t even notice… Did ya? Nooo, you dih-ent!

As Lucy is temporarily otherwise engaged by all kinds of shit going on in her life, I was left moving my URL from her domainhosting to mine all by myself… Which I didn’t mind but was scaring the shit out of me. But then: nothing better than taking a huge challenge head on! Lucy was kind enough to give me the login and password to her domain and so I logged in, stared at her cpanel and the email I got from the BlueHost helpdesk (which, though meant well, at the time seemed like total gibberish to me), and took a deeeeeeeep breath… and got crackin’…

It caused knots in stomachs, asking Rob thru GTalk to hold me and give me a hug, as I was near sobbing, it caused blood, sweat and tears, eyes popping out, there was cursing, pulling hair out of the DutchBitch scalp (yes, Fab, again), but I made it. I achieved the divine stage 10… Pride (and found out there’s a secret stage 11: Relief)…

Yes, though you can probably not “feel” the difference, you are looking at The Dutch Files which I singlehandedly moved from one domain hosting to another. Moving files, backing up and restoring SQL databases, changing directories, fixing bugs and all that shit. I did it!!! ME ME ME!!!

I am SO fucking proud of myself! Holy Shit!

OK, I am done blowing my own horn now… On to more important matters…

* * *

Just one more day… ONE MORE DAY and it’s there: The All Brandnew DutchBitch Contest! And to give you a sneak preview… I am introducing you to the 3 judges that I invited to judge the contest… Yup! I got three of my blogging buddies to volunteer (read: I begged, pleaded, bribed) to be Official DutchBitch Contest Judges…

So behold! Meet the Three Judges! Below I photoshopped you 3 pics that for most of my regular readers and readers of the blogs in my blogroll should pretty much give away who my judges are.

If it’s not all clear to you, have fun figuring it out! More about the contest tomorrow! It will all be revealed in about 24 hours!!!

* * *

Now, wish me luck. It’s D-Day today on the genetic testing of The Kid. This p.m. I have an appointment with The Kid and The Ex at the medical center’s genetics center to find out whether he inherited the gene from his dad or not… This morning I was driving to the office and I noticed that this is actually the first day again since start of winter that sun was actually rising while I was making my way to the office. Looking at the sky coloring bright orangy pink I couldn’t believe that on such a beautifully starting day I would be hit with bad news… but doubt is gnawing its way in while the morning moves on… So, cross your fingers for us, sweeties… See Ya Tomorrow!

UPDATE 3.30 P.M.: just returned from genetic center… News was not good. Still trying to process it… Next stop: child cardiologist in a few months… 

I love love loooooooovveeeee playing music in my car. Funky upbeat music, loud… LOUD loud!

Yup, I am that driver that passes you on the road with my windows almost shaking out of the doors… Loud basses playing…

*bang bump bang dang bump thump*

I am also that driver that you will see blaring loudly in the car. I have NO shame whatsoever about that. I sing with the songs I am playing, vividly. Like I am ON that stage singing to thousands… And I do it with passion.

I am that driver doing some Saturday Night Fever moves whenever the driving situation allows me too… I am that driver bopping up and down on her carchair, as much as the seat belt will allow me too… that driver doing the headbang movement, including fully waving hair from side to side when the music calls for it… And believe me: Music Calls for Action Like That More Often Than You’d Think… In my opinion…

Hell! I’ll even do a Funky Chicken when the mood is right…

Yeah baby! This bitch moves and shakes all the way to the office… and back!

The looks I get from my fellow drivers are priceless… Raising their eyebrows so high you’d think they’d flip off their faces… and I couldn’t care less. It makes me feel gooooood and happy! You fuckers WISH you could car-funk the way I can! I am the fucking Car Funkin’ Queen Bitch!!!

Pffffttttt!!!

OK, I’m back! I had a great time over the weekend. And I am happy to be able to confirm that Saturdaynight out on the town in the 5th city of Dutchyland: Eindhoven - it sucks. It’s “hillbillies all around”. We had a great time anyway, it was a great laugh.
We started the evening, after stuffing ourselves with french cheeze and olives at Farmgirl’s place, at a restaurant. We sat ourselves down, ordered, and worked our way thru the having dinner part. Food was great, conversation was great, we had fun already. There was a couple sitting next to us, who were apparently finished and served the bill. The woman of the couple got up, seemingly to go to the bathroom or whatever, but nope… She moved up to the guy that was still sitting on his chair, bent over him, started kissing him, and she never let off!!! She kept on going, her hands joining in rubbing his belly and whatever else she could get her grubby paws on I guess… Yeah, I am prétty sure she rubbed “it” as well. But I couldn’t see as her ass was blocking my view, and mah girls didn’t dare look… WTF!? I mean: COME ON! Dutchyland is a liberal country, we can take some shit, we’re used to it, but getting it on in the middle of a restaurant, rubbing your man up, slobbering all over him, in full view while other people are having dinner! Get a room! Nuff said…

After dinner we went to one of the bigger clubs of the city. We walked in, nice music, ok people… mostly… so it seemed… SEEMED… We ordered a drink and looked at the dancefloor where a weird dressed guy was playing air guitar on one of his legs that he had lifted up high. Have you got the image? Yeah, like that. There were some more of those crazies jumping round there. So we moved a little back into the club and put our stuff down and started chatting and looking around. Soon enough, next to Farm girl, there was this Mediterranean looking guy eyeballing us. And yes, sure enough he came up to us and h.o.l.y s.h.i.t. He must be the thickest guy I have e.v.e.r. met!

Turns out he was Italian and had been living in Dutchyland for 2 years. He didn’t understand a word of Dutch so he started doing his Italian-English conversation with Farmgirl and me, asking us whether we were Dutch and consequently telling us that he found Dutch women to be rude and abbrasive.

*blank stare*

I am not sure ’bout you, but to me, that is not a great converstation starter talking to Dutch women… I mean: WTF!? If you are trying to get a foot in the door or your leg over, calling Dutch women rude and abbrasive is not a great come-on… I had soon enough heard plenty of him, and as Farmgirl made no attempt to get rid of him, I turned away out of the conversation and started talking to Courgette girl who was asking me what the fucker was saying. She almost peed her pants when I told her.

Farmgirl’s conversation with Italian Fucker continued and was too nuts for words! Soon he had pretty effortlessly switched the conversation to the subject of hardcore sex… Um… yup. That’s what I said: Hardcore Sex. Farmgirl made her first attempt to get rid of Italian Fucker. Yeah, she did: “Hardcore Sex? Know nothing about that. You should talk to her. That’s hér specialty” *points towards yours truly*. I shot her a killing look and Italian Fucker too, so that didn’t work. Shut up about my specialties, bitch! And don’t try to dump your fucker on me either! Heh…

Then he continued talking to Farmgirl, trying to hoax me back into the conversation. He was like a leech! We couldn’t get rid of him even if we tried! Ending the conversation didn’t work, turning our backs to him didn’t work, even other guys bolting in between him and us didn’t work. As soon as he saw his chance, he sucked his way back in and continued his conversation where he had left off minutes before… Thick thick thick!!! Then Farmgirl managed to get rid of him, but no prob: he just moved on to Courgette Girl and me… All the bullshit he had been telling Farmgirl, he just repeated to us. Yadayadayadayada… He wouldn’t let off! Sheesh!

At some point one of the Dutch guys standing opposite to us couldn’t stand it anymore and asked us could he be of service getting rid of Italian Fucker. We told him he was welcome to try but we hadn’t managed yet. He turned, looked at Italian Fucker and said: “How can I break this to you gently? Ehm… Well, basically… Fuck Off Ciao!“… Italian Fucker just smiled his stupid thick smile at him and then turned back to us and continued…

OK… Seriously! How thick can one person be? Like hitting a brick wall…

And then the showstopper was brought out… He started telling us that he could NOT understand why so many women in Dutchyland owned a vibrator. So many available men and these crazy Dutch women were all using vibrators. Why? I decided that it was time for a DutchBitch reply: “You ask yourself why we’d rather use a vibrator than one of the available men? Seriously? YOU ask us that? I’ll tell you. Because vibrators don’t talk shit, and you can put them away in your bedroom drawer when you’re done with them“. Courgette girl started to snicker and said that Italian Fucker was probably small enough to put away in a drawer too. She was probably right… But he’d probably continue talking shit, even IN the drawer…

After that we were totally done with him. I turned my back to him and started a conversation with Courgette girl, while Farmgirl had started a conversation with a Dutch guy. He just stood there, all 3 of us with our backs to him and he just wouldn’t fucking go away!!!! He can’t be for real!!! I think it took another 10 minutes before he finally got the message and finally walked off…

In hindsight I am not surprised that he finds Dutch women rude and abbrasive. There’s no other way to get rid of that fucker so I am pretty sure he experiences it a lot. I’m also pretty sure he doesn’t get lucky very often… I’ll stick to my Vaginator, for now, fuck you very much. Holy cow! We couldn’t restrain from doing a High Five after he had left.

I know, we’re total bitches, your worst dating nightmare… Deal with it!

OK, got home late last night, exhausted, and now at the office with shitloads of stuff to do, including major damage control for backstabbing bitch (Growwwwllll!!!!)… So got nothing for you… yet!…

But if you want to see how cute I was when I was young… Go over HERE…

Don’t say I didn’t warn ya!!!

OK guys… I’ll be off for a few days. Nononono, I am not joining the 7 Days 0 Posts thing on Dawn’s blog. I could nevah do that. I have the utmost respect for everyone who makes that challenge!

No, it’s not that. This morning I will be working at the office finishing up the course reader for yet another course on Schiermonnikoog from March 9 to 14. It needs to go to the printers on Monday. Oh, and doing the lay out for the thesis of one of the dept’s researchers. That needs to go to the printers next week as well.

And after that this girl is putting her glad rags on and she’ll be out of town!

The prospect of the weekend looked very bleak until a few days ago when my girlfriend Farmgirl, the one I spent NYE at, emailed me. She was having Courgette Girl, the one I shared a bedroom with on NYE, over for the weekend and asked me whether I felt like joining them and going out together on Saturday. Hell Yeah!!!

So this p.m., after finishing my stuff at the office, I’ll be driving over to Courgette Girl to pick her up and we’ll drive to FarmGirl together. Isn’t it great? I didn’t even know Courgette Girl until NYE, she’s from a totally different circle of friends in FarmGirl’s life than I am, and now we’re off for a fun weekend together! I’ll be staying over and won’t be travelling back until late Sunday p.m. I think… So I’ll be on Weekend Hiatus…

I’ll be back in the Blogosphere late Sundaynight or Monday. Not sure yet, but I will be back!

In the mean time, I am pretty sure that Bobbie will take advantage of my absence and occupy the pimpin a little longer over the weekend. I can’t be bothered trying to tip her out of there, no time. Well, that and the scary machete she keeps waving at me. So maybe you can click the thumbnail in the sidebar and go over to see her and tell her that it’s time to move back to her own blog?

And last but not least: please go over both the wonderful Amy and the bizarre Avitable. It’s both their birthdays today!!!