The Dutch Files

OK I am here… after a fairly uneventful fligth, meeting a woman from Seattle that actually works in the same medical center many of my Seattle friends are working at… anyway, I have arrived at the U.K.

First of all, can I just say, for anyone planning to come over to the U.K. in the next few weeks for tourist purposes… Monsoon season has commenced and by the looks of it, it won’t be ending any time soon… I don’t think I have e.v.e.r. seen that much water coming from the skies in my life! It’s either that, or Neil Diamond is very distressed and crying a lot..

And for anyone who read Penelope’s post of yesterday: THERE WASN”T ANY FUCKING WINE LEFT WHEN I ARRIVED HERE, CUZ THE LADY HERSELF HAD FINISHED 4 BOTTLES EARLIER THIS WEEK!!! The bottles on the pic? She dragged them from the recycling bin in the shed just for the sole purpose of making a picture of me. Just sayin’…

(she is making the “whatever” sign at me, but ya know, what-e-vah!)

Yeah, so I truly went thru her house to take pics and this is what I came up with…

OK, so ya know.. the Neil Diamond thing… I can handle that… but seriously… drinking tea from Neil Diamond mugs… It’s like… well… eeewwwww!!! And owning the 2002, 2005 ánd 2008 mug… Well… I rest my case…

And the Project Penelope she is on about all the time? Seriously? I don’t think those guys know what they are getting into… Yes, again, I went through her house taking pictures. But only because I want you to see what she is really like… Black Widow Penelope… Those guys replying to her on the dating site, begging her to date them? The ones that have a date with her in the next few weeks? I REALLY REEAALLY don’t think what they are getting into!!!

Cuz seriously she is kinda pretty much hung up on this one guy already

And ehm… you reaaally think that this thing (see below) is for Monty The Wonderdog? He’s cute… Very cute… but ya know… I don’t see him wearing this.. he doesn’t need it… He will just tag along and not dash off by himself anyway… So ya know… just sayin’

And ehm… really, seriously… do you actually think that she uses the below stuff to get a fire in the fireplace going? I am not saying anything other than that the fireplace looks like it hasn’t had a fire roaring in it for a loooong time… Lilywhite (STFU! the picture is kinda off… OK?)

And ya know… I am sitting here… and all she does is booze and smoke, really…

Yeah, so much for hot dating material…

I can’t wait to find out what today will be like. I got informed yesterday, within 5 mins of driving off the airport parking, that today she’s gonna have her (uni)brow waxed… Yeah, no worries. I AM tagging along and I AM taking pics… So watch THIS space!!!

Ehm… Hon? Can we NOT do any Neil Diamond, dog collars, smoking, and waxing unibrows from Sunday!? Let’s DO the boozing though… and loads of sex getting my hips back into shape, heh…

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