Gobsmacked…
Right now, a few close male friends of mine are tied up in divorce proceedings. Proceedings that promise to be longwinding and probably not with an ending in their favor. In fact, one of them has already been at it for a long time. As it stands now they are probably gonna be bled dry by their respective soon-to-be-ex spouses… And even though I’ve been in a messy divorce myself, and I am a woman myself, that just gobsmacks me…
I’ve been wanting to say something about it for a while now. Still I’ve refrained from that for a long time. But since recently a third one was confronted with it, I just can’t shut up anymore. It sickens me to the stomach… seriously!
When I got divorced from The Ex things were very messy. We were not on great terms by the time I decided that I wanted out. A lot had happened between us and well, to say that we were on speaking terms, would be lying. Still, I am an independent woman, and I also think that a failing marriage in most cases has both spouses to blame up to a point. Also, I just wanted out. I felt that we would all, including The Kid, be better off if we would part ways and live our own lives. As I’ve told you before: I did not ask for any alimony, I didn’t want money from him. My lawyer felt I was insane, the judge awarded it to me and I refused it. I did ask for child support, because I just think he’s got responsibilities towards his child. But I just asked for the regular amount, nothing extreme. He squeemed his way out of that, but that is a totally different story.
Thing is, though The Ex has hurt me very much in the last years of our marriage and many bad things have transpired between us, I had no desire to ruin him, to bleed him dry, to get my revenge. Why? I am not a vindictive person. I mean, sure, I am not on great terms with people that have hurt me in the past, but it still doesn’t make me want to hurt them. First of all, because really I just want those people oút of my life more than anything, and second of all because I truly believe not to do upon others what you don’t want people to do to you.
I am an independent woman, I can take care of myself. Sure, it’s hard at times, but I pride myself on being independent and making it on my own, however hard that is at times. Also, I felt that I didn’t have a right to his money. He had a pretty well doing business. That he set up himself. That he started even before we got together. I never worked in that business. I had my own job.
Don’t get me wrong, if you have been in the kind of marriage in which you for instance put your spouse thru university by working your ass of for years while he was studying, or you are a stay at home Mom that has always taken care of the kids, enabling your spouse to make a career for himself, or any similar kind of marriage, I do think you are entitled to some alimony (even though there is still an element of “choice” in there as I see it). However, not the kind of alimony that will enable you to not lift a finger for the rest of your life and leave your husband at welfare-level.
I guess the soon-to-be-ex spouses of my friends are totally different. And I think they should be fucking incredibly ashamed of themselves! They are just plain vindictive bitches who are trying to bleed their soon-to-be-ex husbands dry in order to make sure they don’t have to lift a damn finger for the rest of their lives and leave their husbands in the poor house. They were not in the above mentioned kind of marriages. All have perfectly secure high paying jobs and can take care of themselves. And two of them even have a considerable inheritance in the bank. And the even worse thing? I know for a fact in these cases that actually the women were responsible in a big way for their marriages breaking up. All of them had extra marrital affairs, and left their husbands for those men.
I really seriously don’t get it. Where do they get off getting comfortable in the victim role in these divorces and where do they get off being such vindictive bitches? I really really really really really do.not.get.it! I think women like that are a fucking crying shame to our sex. I feel ashamed to belong to the same sex as they do.
And I feel equally ashamed about the fact that in our modern society apparently the judicial system(s) have not caught up with this development and still mostly consider these women the victims and are enclined to believe everything that comes out of their sorry mouths… I just have one message for you judges: Get With The Program! See thru these vindictive bitches! Sheesh!
I am a woman, I have been in a divorce like that (just the other way ’round), and I still think all of them should be fucking ashamed of themselves… Yes girls, I am talking about you. And I don’t care what the hell you think of me putting this out here. You know who you are and we are no longer friends… I can’t be friends with people who, for no justified reason, are on a quest to destroy another human being.
I really do not get you. Not even a little bit. If you want out, just get out. Take what you are entitled to and get out. Stop playing the pitiful victim. I hope in time karma will come around to bite you in the ass! Your attitude in life just infuriates me to no end… And it makes me sad that women can apparently still get away with this shit. Sometimes this world feels like the Dark Ages to me.
24 Dutch Treat(s)
We’ve talked about this many times and you know I agree with you. My EH and I were very civilised about the entire thing, we went to mediation, shared out what we had so that we would both be okay and that was that. I also had no desire to clean him out, what would that have got me but a bad conscience?
I don’t understand that mentality either, but then people suck – we knew that
Penelopes last blog post..Tell me if I’m boring you.
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Penelope: I guess I am just shocked at the amount of people that suck…
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I’m with you on the whole vindictive thing. I could have screwed Douche & Mrs. Douche in a big way, but what would that have gotten me? My lawyer even advised me to, but it wasn’t worth it, and would have just hurt my kids in the long run. Our actual divorce wasn’t long and drawn out and we didn’t argue about money or the kids or anything. I’m sorry your friends are going through this. Just keep telling them their exes will (eventually, I hope) get what’s coming to them.
gingermagnolias last blog post..Doctor, Doctor, Who’s Got The Doctor?
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Wow, my security word hit the nail on the head…Fucktard. That’s exactly what these women are. Only thinking of themselves. There are so many cases like that here too, Dutchie. And the sad thing is, after these guys have been put through the wringer by the ex’s, it makes them pretty much bitter and angry or just so gun shy that us good women have even LESS chance of finding a good guy. It really is shameful and a disgrace to our gender what these women do.
AndiMACs last blog post..A little Sarah on Sunday
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I don’t understand the mentality either. My ex and I were civil up until just recently. I didn’t ask for alimony. I only asked that he pay a portion of my health insurance. It’s worked out well. The additional money would be nice and sometimes I regret it but at the end of the day our divorce was peaceful and our transition into separate lives was quite smooth. Peace of mind is definitely worth it.
Lady Jayes last blog post..Where Am I Going?
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bleh.
I made it sooooooooo easy on my ex to get divorced and he STILL complained about the division of assets.
Poppys last blog post..I was told there would be pie.
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I am not a fan of vindictive ex’s.
Understatement of the century…
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Yeah, bitches like this make me ashamed to be a woman too. *sighs*
Finns last blog post..The Vineyard, As They Call It
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gingermagnolia: I surely hope they will get what is coming to them
AndiMAC: maybe I should “invent” the word FuckTress… Seems plenty of women deserve it
LadyJaye: well obviously I cóuld do with some extra money but I still wouldn’t want my ex-es, same like you.
Poppy: oh saaammmeee here!!!
LisaB: LOL yup, that would even be the understatement of forever
Finn: Me too… me too…
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I’m in total agreement with you that these women are being selfish bitches. When I went through my divorce there were a lot of things I could have done to make my Ex’s life a living hell, but I chose to take the high road out of consideration for my daughter’s feelings (looking into the future) as well as my own clear conscience. Sometimes I do not understand how people can live with themselves.
GingerSnapss last blog post..So is it ok to exhale yet?
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I am so with you on this. Had the same sort of breakup with my ex. He cheated on me, it was painful, but why drag it out to cause even more pain for us both? Admit it didn’t work and move on. Be adult enough to realize that, for whatever the reasons were, you don’t want to be with this person anyway, so walk away and start healing. Bitter bitches that just try to bleed the ex because they can disgust me. Is that really what you want to teach your kids about how to behave when a relationship doesn’t work out?
Evil Geniuss last blog post..This Meme is for the Worms
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I couldn’t agree with you more Dutchy. I didn’t get alimony or child support, and that was fine – I had my daughter.
Tugs last blog post..Full moon
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Ginger: Me neither
Evil Genius: Well, not what I want to teach mine, that’s for sure
Tug: Yeah, my son is my most prized posession anyway
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You are preaching to the choir here sugar. Nothing will get my blood boiling faster than some sniveling woman bitching to me about having to ‘work for a living’ . The ‘entitlement’ mentality escapes me completely.
I had one client’s mother call me and break down in tears because her daughter (my client) “ha(s) to work 40 hours a week!”Oh the horror
Mine could have been very ugly but it wasn’t because we worked hard to make sure it wasn’t.
And i preach that to people every day.
Turnbabys last blog post..Sick
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I watched my Mom bleed her way through 9 (count them NINE) divorces and she sucked those guys dry of not only their money but their will to live. She’s evil that way. No really, she is.
Me? I went the opposite route.
For my divorce I actually split ALL of our debt straight down the middle, to include anything house related. Plus I gave him the house and all it’s contents. I literally walked out with my clothes, cat, car, computer and coffee maker.
NOW, I’m drowning trying to pay off the debt I took on from the divorce and I find out he’s been making shit tons of money this whole time and spending it on lavish gifts for his girlfriend (who was the wife of one of our best friends at the time of their “hook up”).
So…. while I did the right thing in my heart and my head.. DAMN I’m pissed about it.
Wait.. is this the part where I’m supposed to curse you Dutchie? ha..ha.ha…
Cinnkittys last blog post..From the fiery depths of Hell I stab at thee!
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Turnbaby: keep preaching, girl!
Cinnkitty: Well, we divided everything EXCEPT for a debt that I never knew off that The Ex had run up without every notifying me, to pay for our holidays. I refused to split that debt, as I would not have been going on holiday if it meant getting into debt and he never conferred with me about it. I can imagine that you feel that way. My ex had himself declared bankrupt and is going on holiday after holiday after holiday with his g/f when he’s not paying childsupport… So yeah… I know the feeling…
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I’m with you. If something were ever to happen between me and Ty, I would just want out. No connection to him, no dealings, nothing. Now, with me being a SAHM, I would need child-support and some alimony until I could find a job to take care of me and the kids, but after that? I’m with you. As little financial connection to him, to give him something to guilt me with, as possible.
Sorry your friends are going through this. It’s got to be completely maddening.
Coal Miner’s Granddaughters last blog post..Open Letter 7
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CMGD: Well, see, I totally respect that. And I find it commendable that your mind works that way that you would state “until I find a job”… So many women would never think that way. It’s exactly the way I felt: no connection, no guilt trips… nothing…
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Totally, TOTALLY, agree. Not just because I’m a man or an ex-husband (I would feel the same if the gender roles were reversed) but because it’s just wrong. My ex and I parted on very amicable terms and I will be eternally grateful for that. We split everything 50/50 and will forever be good friends. I understand that not every marriage can end on agreeable terms, but divorce is bad enough in and of itself without heaping on more ugliness. Unfortunately, too many people have NO understanding of this. No matter how we’re ever wronged, peace always begins with ourselves. : )
Johns last blog post..Hey, I’m Down with Anything That has Penguins
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John: Completely agree with you. It’s just no use to spend your life wallowing in negative emotions…
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Agreed. I think it’s disgusting. I’m separated myself and although my ex has a house, I wouldn’t dream of trying to take it, even though I probably could. Being nasty is simply pointless, and surely you have more dignity being civilised and fair than bleeding someone dry?
I know of people who have done this; my own father included. Taken everything they possibly can, and it’s horrible. Though you want to know the best story?
The girlfriend of my cousin lived with her mum and brothers as their evil dad walked out on them. He wanted half the value of the house, and forced it on them. The mother (Jen) asked him not to do this until after Christmas, but did he wait? No.
The whole family; mum and three teenage kids had to stay in a hostel during Christmas. How evil can you get?
The best part?
A few months later, Jen won £6million on the National Lottery. I would give anything just to see the look on that man’s face when he found out the ex he dumped and left in a hostel is now a millionaire.
(Off topic slight,y but a true story of karma!) ;)
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I am petrified to get married because I am afraid of being soaked in a divorce. Men are definitely at a disadvantage.
My thought is to do a prenuptial agreement. Any thoughts?
(this is too serious Dutchie, can I mention farting?)
martys last blog post..Facebook Texas Cheat Em- #6
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Agent Elle: Hmm I wouldn’t mind a lottery win
Marty: Farts? Would you wanna divide those in the event of a divorce as well?
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My divorce was really rather tame, though it still sucked the life out of me.
Two of my friends are currently in divorces in which their soon-to-be exes can only be described as insane. God … they make mine look like a walk in the park.
delmers last blog post..I know you miss these
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