One of my guy friends and I have a long standing tradition which is going out to see any new James Bond movie once it comes out. We were going to see it Nov 14, and when I ran into him last Friday in the medical center, we caught up to finalize our arrangement on that. And then he said he couldn’t make it… we re-scheduled for Monday Nov 17…
I am SO pissed off though at him right now… Not because of having to reschedule, but because of the reason he can’t make it and the whole story attached to it… No strike that, I am húrt… actually…
See, this guy friend is one of the people that I was referring to in this post… I have known him for about 15 years now. He started at our department as a student, then continued into being a PhD student, then finished his PhD and proceeded training to become a radiologist. He finished his training a few years ago and has been a certified radiologist ever since.
I have been thru so much with this guy during our long standing friendship. He was a very unhappy puppy when I became friends with him. He was the kinda guy that women always loved to have as a friend, but nobody wanted to date. He was and is not my type that way either, but nevertheless I felt sorry for him. We spent numerous nights talking about stuff like that, emailing back and forth about the do’s and dont’s of dating and whatever else…
I was the master of ceremony when he got his PhD. Here in Dutchyland that constitutes a day on which you publically have to defend your thesis with loads of historical ceremony, followed by a big fat party. I was there with him and his family all day, I was standing next to him during his public defense, I was there at the party. At the end of the night we stuffed all his presents in my car and I, being the designated driver, drove him home… and I went up and talked to him for another hour or so as he didn’t feel like being alone after such a fun filled day…
Then he met this girl, and fell in love and I was SO happy for him. She and I didn’t really get along but he was in love with her and that was good enough for me. I didn’t mind her, she did mind me… whatever. That relationship turned into a swift marriage, and swift parenthood after that and then she divorced him and took him for all he had… The divorce was just finalized past summer after 2 yrs of dragging through the courts…
The number of times that I talked to him endlessly to keep his spirits up, the times I helped him wade through all the legal shit, the times I was there for him when he needed it…
And now, Friday p.m., standing at my desk at the medical center, just like that, he springs it on me: it turns out that he’s been in a relationship for over a year now… and they’ve bought a house… and she’s pregnant… and I KNOW HER!!! She was one of our PhD students as well and is still working at the medical center…
Now, THAT hurts my feelings big time. I have been through many highs and especially huge lows with this guy. He’s turned to me on many occassions and I have always been there for him. He’s talked to me about everything… and now he can’t tell me that he’s been happy in love for over a year already? And he can’t tell me with whom? And that they bought a house and that he is friggin’ becoming a father again in 6 months?
He said his reasons for not telling anyone was that he couldn’t afford his ex finding out while the divorce proceedings were still ongoing. So you don’t trust your best friend with a beautiful new chapter in your life story? You don’t think I would’ve realized that it was sensitive info during a divorce? And would’ve been able to shut up about it? Like I have about everything else that you asked me to not tell anyone? Pffffttt!!!
What is even worse is that me and many of his other friends have been worrying our asses off about him, which -trust me- has not gone unnoticed by him… To me that sucks: not telling your friends, who are clearly worrying about you, that you are ok, and in fact very happy… To leave them worrying about you when they clearly didn’t need to anymore…
It’s not like I don’t want to be his friend anymore and I’ll probably have this out with him within the next few days, but seriously… even though I am very happy for him and I hope that this time it works out for him (as clearly he has not learned from his past “mistake” and is rushing things a.g.a.i.n. but that’s his decision), and I think the girl he’s with probably is very good for him… I still feel hurt… I think it sucks leaving one of your best friends in the dark over important life changing stuff like that… I think I am entitled to be somewhat pissed off about this…
Yeah, so that was the “crown” to my already sucky week… (see yesterday)… I am very much looking forward to next week being somewhat better so I can snap out of this funk!
Uh oh. Maybe I should email you with what’s going on with me.
Seriously though, I think your friend should have said something about being happy. He may have had his reasons. Hopefully, he can give you some answers when you have it out with him.
Lyndas last blog post..Lynda On The Move, part 2
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Lynda: Nah, you’re fine, LOL. I think I am most pissed off about him letting us all continuously worry while he could’ve avoided that without giving away the whole story…
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Gosh, you’ve had a tough week! I hear you about the friend holding off on you and being upset about worrying about him unnecessarily. People can be very selfish at times, and men are known for making it all about them. You can always talk to him and sort things out. Hope it works out and you feel better about it.
Jens last blog post..I got Crumbs!
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I know EXACTLY how you feel. It sucks. You feel betrayed and like such a fool. And, yeah, I still loved my friend, so I got passed it, but it hurt all the same.
Shellis last blog post..Fat to Phat
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Jen: Oh we’ll work it out, I am just bummed about it.
Shelli: We will get past it too, I just need to explain to him that this hurt me.
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When I read what he was hiding from you, I gasped out loud. I can totally see why you would be hurt by that and totally pissed off too. That’s an awfully big secret to be hiding from someone that you’ve shared so much with.
Catherinette Singletons last blog post..Hey, Foxy!
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Catherinette: Yeah, well, I guess he didn’t see it that way…
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I don’t expect too much from my men friends. I look at it this way, they have a brain and they have a penis. Only enough blood to supply one.
witchypoos last blog post..Best contest Ever
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Oh that’s a big ol’ load of shit. Sorry it happened to you.
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I’m so sorry you had this crown your week sugar. I hope you had a good weekend.
And I know that you “know” this but I’m guessing he didn’t want to hear the ‘oh no not again’ thing about his rushing into another relationship. I know that there are circumstances where things have to be kept very quiet but still.
He has a good friend in you–do you have a good friend in him?
Turnbabys last blog post..The Only Thing Longer Than This Post Is Was The Party That Neverwas Was
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I’m sorry that happened, but if his divorce was as ugly as you said, he may have just been so shell shocked, her didn’t want his ex to ruin it, so he just kept it tight. I did that after my divorce. Seemed my Ex would take anything and everything and try to use it against me!
Blondefabulouss last blog post..Hut 1, Hut 2, Hut 3, HIKE!
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I hope that he understands how you feel and that he can trust you, to prevent this (or similar) from ever happening again.
You’re about OVERdue for some goodness, aren’t you?
Tugs last blog post..Breaktime
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witchypoo: I don’t even wanna think about the penis part with this friend… ewwwwwww. Thanks for that, LOL
Kapgar: Thanks. It’s nice to actually hear a guy say that
Turnbaby: He knows I never do the “oh no not again thing” and I also don’t do the “I told you so thing”… And yeah, right now I am wondering about the latter… We’ll see…
Blondefabulous: Well, considering our history together and the number of things I already kept under lock and key for him I still feel he should’ve trusted me with it. I wouldn’t have needed the details but at least telling me that he was happy so I didn’t have to worry about him would’ve been the least he could’ve done.
Tug: I am I am I am!!!
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