Aug 16
What you DON’T know about Dutchy…
Brad Finn here. You know, I wouldn’t briefly come out of my fabulous retirement for very many bloggers, but when Dutchy asked, I didn’t even hesitate. After all, we go back a long ways, and we were once even kinda sorta engaged. And as her former bliance, I have some tidbits of information about Dutchy that I am willing to share with you. I don’t think she’ll mind, and if she does, well, she would have to travel a long way to stick one of those stilettos up my ass.
- Have you ever noticed how blue her eyes are? Seriously, they are too blue, almost like they aren’t real. Well, they aren’t. Both of Dutchy’s eyes are made of glass. She lost her sight many years ago in a accident involving Pez and a potted plant. I can’t say anything more about it than that. You know how when people lose one sense, their body often compensates for it in other ways? That happened to Dutchy. Her nipples now act as sonar devices, which enable her to to navigate around, not unlike our good friend the fruit bat. That’s why her nipples are usually hard; because they are picking up signals.
- Her middle name is “Rasputin”.
- In the event of an airline emergency, her spleen can also double as a flotation device. This also comes in handy at pool parties.
- Much like the amoeba, she can reproduce asexually via mitosis and cytokinesis. It’s really quite a beautiful thing to witness, which you often can, as she rarely closes her drapes.
- In the late 80’s she served as a drug mule for Pablo Escobar’s Medellin Cartel.
So there you go. I think we know Dutchy a little better now, don’t we? We feel closer to her, but not in such a way that could be construed as improper or illegal.
Tomorrow, Robin will be posting here. I was never engaged to her, but I would like to nail her husband. And I will. One day.
Ciao!
My nipples do the exact same thing, but its to compensate for my lack of penis, not eyesight.
bluepaintreds last blog post..Update!
The combination of Pez and potted plants can oftentimes be deadly.
Avitables last blog post..Mindless blather
I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one with sonar nipples. I feel a bond between me and Dutchy and bluepaintred.
Lady Jayes last blog post..Choose Me
Another little known fact about Dutchie: She has an animal pelt collection.
Morgetrons last blog post..That Dirty "H" Word
Blue–I thought you had those implanted when you had the boob work done.
Avitable–Let that be a lesson to the kids out there.
Lady Jaye–Maybe you guys can form a club. Or a gang.
Morgetron–More disturbingly, she has human pelt collection as well.
Mr. Fabulouss last blog post..
You, Brad Finn, are a freak.
I heard that she has a bionic vagina, too. She can crush hummingbird eggs with it.
Karls last blog post..5 ways Karl with a K can successfully keep his hands and/or mouth busy so that he doesn’t make out with sticks of urine
You forgot to mention that trick she does with her tongue that is legendary even among the ‘women’ of Amsterdam!!
Hey boy, I welcome the competition. I may have the twins but you sure have the charm.
Shelli–Well, that is a fairly obvious observation :)
Karl–Hence the shortage of hummingbirds in The Netherlands.
MetalMom–She’ll do it in ANY orifice, as well. Little known fact.
Robin–Well, if I nail him, I’ll let you tape it.
Mr. Fabulouss last blog post..
I think she really wants to give up the asexual reproduction though;-)
Turnbabys last blog post..Loving Summer
I believed everything right up to the Drug Mule part.
She’s Dutch. They don’t have to sneak drugs into the country. You can get everything you need right at McDonald’s or on Craigslist.
delmers last blog post..Dinner with Gary
Yo Fab, good to hear (well, read) from you.
Interesting about the nipple thing. My dick is actually a divining rod. Guess we all have our little quirks.
Jeffrey Elliss last blog post..Stormchasin’, Stinker Style