The Cock-Roaches
I can hear the first tones of “Anybody Seen My Baby” by The Rolling Stones, coming from my handbag…
It’s my cellphone ringing. The song is my current ringtone. I dig through my handbag (yes, it’s one of those with just the one large pocket in there, and it has my whole life in it, as we girls tend to do) for the cellphone and I find it, I look at the screen and it is ex-FWB. From a looong time ago. We were FWB’s for about 2 years. It ended about 4 years ago and we just kept in touch. Until about a year ago when I hooked up with The Guy. I have pretty much not heard from him since.
I ask you, where the hell do all those feckers come from? They are crawling out of all possible cracks and hidden spaces in the past few months? HOW!?! I mean, most of them don’t know any of my friends, have not been told by me that I am single again (for apparent reasons) and still they are oozing out of every corner getting back in touch with me. Do they have a radar for that shit? Guys? Do you have a radar for that shit? Seriously!
I decide for once to pick up the phone as I am quite curious as to what has given him the incentive to call me after a year. Yeah, I know, curiosity killed the cat, but I am not a cat.
ex-FWB: “Hello? DutchBitch?”
DB: “Yes”
ex-FWB: “Hey! So how’s life?”
DB: “Um, sorry? You are out of touch with me for almost a year and you want to know how life is?”
ex-FWB: “Yeah, sorry about that. You know how things go, I was busy and shit”
DB: “I don’t know how that goes, I try to keep in touch with my friends. But anyway, life is ok”
ex-FWB: “Yeah with me too. Busy with setting up the business, all kinds of things going on. Lots of stress, my back killing me again, stuff like that”
DB: “Well, sorry to hear”
ex-FWB: “So you are doing ok?” (read; “are you still with that guy?”)
DB: “Yeah, I am. Busy at work too. The Kid is doing great at school and started basketball. And I have been off on a few nice weekends away recently, so I am all good”
ex-FWB: “Weekends away, huh? Anything fun?” (read: “who with? what did you do? were you with that guy?)
DB: “So… what made you call me?”
ex-FWB: “Oh, nothing in particular, just stuff” (read: “I have an itch that needs taking care of”)
DB: “Stuff?”
ex-FWB: “Soooooooooo… are you still with that guy? The American?”
DB: “No”
ex-FWB: “Not? Oh, I am sorry to hear (no he’s not). Are you ok about it?”
DB: “Yes, I am”
ex-FWB: “Soooooooo.. anyone new in your life?”
DB: “No”
ex-FWB: “Soooooo how about we…”
DB: “Soooooo, how’s the wife and kids?”
ex-FWB: “They are fine, but I don’t want to talk about them”
DB: “Yes, I got that part. But we’re not going there”
ex-FWB: “Why not? We had fun back in the days”
DB: “Back in the days needs to stay back in the days”
ex-FWB: “Sheesh, you have changed your tune”
DB: “If I remember correctly we were done being FWB’s a few years ago and then were just friends. I also remember that in the mean time you got married and fathered 2 children, right?”
ex-FWB: “Right”
DB: “So… how is that me changing my tune?”
ex-FWB: “I just miss you”
DB: “Give my love to your wife, Hon. Seriously, we are not getting back to that ever. Now was that all you wanted to talk to me about? ”
ex-FWB: *inaudible*
Needless to say that I have not heard from him in almost 2 months now. And there’s a few more like that, that have crawled out of the woodworks… I call them “The Cock-Roaches”. I think that is an appropriate term for them, don’t you think? I have no clue what the hell has put the bright idea into their heads to look up my number and give me a call… It’s not getting them anywhere though. The past is the past is the past. I am moving forward, not backwards!
Why is it always the nasty fuckers I have to beat off with a stick and never the nice ones with good intentions!?… Oh, that’s right. I forgot about the “Fucktard Magnet” part that comes with being “me“… SIGH…
9 Dutch Treat(s)
Hmmmmm, I too, am familiar with those nasty cock-roaches. Had 2 call me up within the last two weeks. You are so right when you say “the past needs to stay in the past.”
AndiMACs last blog post..A public service announcement….
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One of my oldest friends and I always refer to them as cockroaches. They really are. Ewww.
Although, seriously? The way you handled that was so awesome.
AmyDs last blog post..If The Shoe (or song) Fits…
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So would you rather have stuck your hand in your bag and had an actual cockroach clamber onto your hand, than have that conversation? :)
Raches last blog post..Good Bye
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Dear Dutch Bitch
Good evening, I think you may be my twin or maybe a triplet with myself and Penelope
Love from
auntiegwen
ps word veri – bitch
auntiegwens last blog post..A Little Puzzle For me
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AndiMAC: Yes girl, it does
AmyD: I was quite proud of myself… He probably now hates me, until his itch becomes unbearable… again… and I get to do this all over… again… (the blowing him off thing)
Rache: Well, I am still not sure which one is better, lol
auntiegwen: Dear Auntie Gwen, I think you might be right. Love back atcha. DutchBitch
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Ha! I heard from one of those yesterday. Seriously. GO AWAY!
Moniques last blog post..Some Guys Just Can’t Get Enough of Miss Monique …
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Dude, you have a website where you just told the world that you are single again. Word gets around, the webstalkers come out, you get phone calls. Simple. Oh, yeah, and the fucktard magnet thing doesn’t help.
Icy Mt.s last blog post..My Funny Bone
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I’d probably kill for an old FWB to call me. But then, I’m getting a little desperate. :)
It’s funny how they never seem to understand that when things change … it changes things.
Caps last blog post..from out of the glove box …
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Monique: Guess we’re irrisistable
IcyMt.: Then it must be the Fucktard Magnet thing as my friends don’t read my blog. I keep those 2 parts of my life separate
Cap: I can never be desperate enough to go back to something that I closed and left behind… And nope: they won’t get it through their thick skulls that No means No and Done means Done… sigh…
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