No… that is not a typo… read the post and all will be revealed. I did in fact mean to write “MILB” with a “B”…

So yesterday I went on the continuation of the Find The Kid Shoes – Quest. I will spare you the details, but OMFG. As easy going as he is about other stuff? When it comes to shoes, this boy has an attitude that could wipe out whole continents… Trust me, when I say “quest” I mean the likes of the ordeals that Frodo had to go thru in Lord of The Rings, times 10… Like that… Got the picture?

The Kid told me he had made a playdate for yesterday afternoon. I told him to cancel it. He had been walking ’round with holes in the soles of his shoes (holes, not diamonds) for over a week now and I had already spent 2 afternoons and 1 evening in an attempt to find him shoes. I told him the quest was on again and I would be damned if we’d come home without a new pair… Yeah… I better shut up next time… It took us 4 (FOUR!) hours…

Aaaanyway… I came to the last shoe store that I could think of to have a look. We strolled thru the store for a bit. I pimped shoes to The Kid like there was no tomorrow and he finally found some that he was actually willing to try on. So I asked one of the store clerks to please get me the 3 pairs of His Highness’s choice. Which she did.

The storeclerk was a beautiful girl. I would think about 19, maybe 20 years old, gorgeous figure, gorgeous face, gorgeous hair and totally hip (I know that’s not a word anymore these days, but I am using it, deal with it!) and a matching personality. She was adorable and I imagine she’s got no problems finding a boyfriend, if she doesn’t have one already. So cute. I know that I never looked that way at that age. I would’ve probably given my left arm for that.

She came over with the boxes and The Kid sat down, rolling his eyes, trying on the first pair.

Girl: “Wow… your hair is beautiful… a beautiful color. I love it!”
DutchBitch: : “Umm.. oh, thanks”
Girl: “Do you do that yourself?”
DutchBitch: “Oh God, No. I could never pull that off. It is one of the few things I have done”
Girl: “Well, it’s beautiful. It’s kind of brown with red and some purple-ish. I love it”

The Kid moves on to the 2nd pair of shoes, still rolling his eyes, now sighing too. I point at something he’s dropped in the process.

Girl: “OMG! Are those nails real? They look awesome!”
DutchBitch: “Umm… nope… fake…”
Girl: “Fake? Wow, they’re a really natural fake tho”
DutchBitch: “Well, I am not into the colored nails or the french manicure. I like them as natural as possible”
Girl: “Well, your nailstylist did a great job. I so much want those too”

The Kid decided he doesn’t like pair #1 and #2.  I have to do my utmost to convince him to try pair #3. Cuz you have to try them on to get the full “feel”! Sheesh! He does. My cell phone rings, I pick it up, tell The Chief that I will call him back as I am on the verge of a shoequest breakthru and put the cellphone back in my handbag.

Girl: “Is that a Nokia E71?!?!?!” (I think at this point she was almost climaxing)
DutchBitch: “Yup”
Girl: “It’s the Grey Metallic one, too, isn’t it?”
DutchBitch: “Yup”
Girl: “OMG that is such a cool phone, I love that one. I am getting one as soon as I can. I want that one”
DutchBitch: “Well, I love it, it’s a great phone”
Girl: “OMG you have three things that I really really want. You are SO cool!”

I was wondering at that point whether I should tell her that I am pushing 40, heh…

So right then and there I guess I turned into a MILB… A Mother I‘d Like (to) Be… And you know what? It felt kinda cool… To have a pretty perked up teen tell me that I have stuff she wants… and that she thinks I am cool. Yeah, I know, we should not need validation like that at our age, but I am telling you, it’s pretty cool to be a MILB! Ha!

Oh and btw: The Kid decided that pair #3 was good enough to live up to his standards… So Frodo managed to reach the mountain and drop the ring in there, and travel back to the Shire and live happily ever after, for now…