The Dutch Files

Last Friday was the day… that I was standing at the school play ground and watching about 200 kids count down the last minute of the schoolyear, scream, shout and letting up balloons… With the school’s headmaster on the roof of the school cheering them on…

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It’s over, The Kid’s year in grade 6 is done. He got a great report card and is moving on to grade 7. The second to last one… * SIGH * Life is moving way too fast…

I took The Kid over to his dad’s place this morning. That is, AFTER I had to take time off work to take him to the doctor cuz I suspected him suffering from hay fever and The Ex, who already has been off work for a week, can’t be bothered to take him.

Anyway… The Kid is at his dad’s now… for 3 weeks… that’s 21 days… that’s 504 hours… that’s 30,240 minutes… 1,814,400 seconds… without The Kid… OMFG! Just thinking about that is doing my head in. Sure, I will be working most days… and sure, he’ll have a good time with his dad… and of course, it will enable me to have some ME-time, please, you don’t need to tell me that… But ya know… it will actually overwhelm me with more ME-time than I would care to have… I know this from experience…

And right now, still trying to find my way back to being my normal self, it is gonna be harder than ever… Especially with not having seen The Guy for months on end and probably no possibilities to do so in the next few weeks, many of my friends being on holiday as well, and the blogosphere being in holiday mode… So I am counting on you guys to hold me together… I am ok being without The Kid for a few days, a week even… but more than that I just don’t care for… Ugh… Cuz ya know… I love him… and I love having him around… I am a better version of “me” with The Kid around…

Those are gonna be some hard ass weeks coming up… Did I already say * Le Sigh * ?

OK, it’s Monday and I am already fucking done with this week… with everything and everyone for that matter… well, not you guys… but ya know…

Work has been excruciatingly busy. I had my yearly review the other day and I had plenty to say to The Chief. I have been doing extra tasks at the department for a while now. Last year I took over for an unfilled position at The Chief’s other department, for faculty-member X, for 3/4 of the year cuz they were trying to find funds to hire a secretary there. Once they found the funds, I showed his new secretary the ropes. She is a wonderful person, but all in all it meant that I had the workload of another full-time job on my shoulders for over a year, and it was very tough… Faculty-member X never even thanked me for it. I told The Chief that I didn’t appreciate that, that to me that sucked serious ass. I don’t appreciate doing a fulltime job EXTRA next to my work and not even getting so much as a “thank you” out of that person… He agreed and he would talk to the guy about it.

Also for the past 1.5 year I have been in the task force for the upcoming move of our whole floor (so not just my dept) in September. I have been closely involved in the building of our new offices 2 floors down and everything else that involves moving a whole medical center floor and let me tell you, that has been near a full-time job workload extra as well, and now that the move is approaching, September 8, the workload is increasing…

Working for a government institute payrises for shit like this are not possible due to strict salary guidelines… So I am stuck with appreciation…

I also privately have to work the odd extra jobs in my free time at home to get some extra money in. Which means that I am at the very limit of what I can take… Extremely… My feet are at the edge of the burnout ravine, and it feels like it doesn’t take a lot to tip me over…

So I told him… This is it! The limit. I CANNOT do more… The secretary that started working for faculty-member X, is pregnant… And we all know what is going to happen if I don’t step in now, so I told him… I CANNOT fill in for her when she goes on maternity leave in October. I need a breather after years and years of taking on extra loads of work… Cuz I’ll crash and burn if I don’t…  He understood and they’re hiring a temp. I also told him that I can’t take much more out of BackStabbing Bitch who is not functioning a.t. a.l.l., making it necessary for me to keep track of what is happening next to me all the fucking time… He agreed on that part too… Whew…

I got up this morning with a huge knot in my stomach. I am incredibly upset about something that happened in the life of The Guy. I can’t go into detail, and I won’t, out of respect for him. It didn’t happen to him personally but to someone close to him and I am today a mix of sad, upset, and extremely angry… And it brings back bad memories of my own… But that’s ok, I can deal with those…

I was reluctant to go into the office today, to a job that I profoundly love, but where an excruciating workload is waiting for me. And then… I was driving over to the medical center this a.m. and was hit by the car behind me… I looked in my rear view mirror at the boy (yes BOY) in what was probably his daddy’s big fat car, and the thing that happened after that lost me my last slither of good frame of mind for today: he swiftly took the exit that we were at and ran! I went after him but I could not “catch” him nor see his licenceplates… My rear bumper is fucked up, which I am going to pay for dearly in insurance rates. And most probably his daddy earns plenty of cash, by the looks of the car, to have paid for my damages…

I am at the office right now, all choked up, mostly cuz of the stuff going on at The Guy’s end, but also because I am just so done… Tired… and summer vacation for me is still 7 weeks away… Ugh… What I really want to do is get on a plane to the US and be there for The Guy and be with him and just not do anything else but that… That’s what he needs right now and what I need right now… some time together and some time away from all the stuff fucking us up…

Sorry, this is just not an upbeat day for me… If you need a laugh go see yesterday’s post. It’s way funnier…

Someone please chuck me over one of those stress balls that you can squeeze… or maybe a bunch of those, cuz I’ll probably pulverize ‘m in 10 sec… And maybe I should lay off the coffee for a bit… for now…

* LE SIGH *

Bear with me, ok? Offices in Dutchyland were closed yesterday so THIS is my Monday and I am not liking it one bit…

Especially since yesterday, my actual Monday, I spent half the day up to my armpits in muck cuz my kitchen sink was clogged… You would think that after a week’s worth of dishwashing glasses with alcohol residue that would not be possible but lemmetellya: i.t i.s.

I was totally done with the day already early this morning, even before arriving at the office, as I spent most of the night hunting down a huge mosquito that was making my life and my opportunity to have a good night’s rest miserable. It took me until 2.30 a.m. to “delete” it… Well, actually while I was hunting it down it flew into one of the lightbulbs, so technically I didn’t get the satisfaction of disposing of it myself, but hey… it was gone… Apparently after that I fell victim to the Revenge Uv Dah Mosquito Bruvah-hood, as after finally falling asleep at 3.00 a.m., I woke up again at 4.30 a.m. itching like hell!!!

I am at the office now. I forgot to bring my lifeline (read: mobile) which I left at home with my sucky “Monday” brain. And this while today The Guy is travelling and now I can’t txt him during the day.

Arriving at the office it turns out we’ll be “enjoying” enormous racket all day as apparently at the building site next to the medical center they’ve decided that Tuesday May 13 is thé day to be jamming about 30 concrete pillars into the ground. It’s like a fucking continuous earthquake outside.

So, I’ll just be here at the office, going thru the kazillion emails that are waiting for me, and diving into the fun meetings that I have scheduled today… Yay! Didn’t that sound genuine?

Tuesday-Monday’s suck too! Can someone warn the colleagues over here to stay at least 2 miles away from me today? At least…

I’ve been coming down from the ultimate high of spending a week with The Guy. It was the bestest of the bestest of the best. We had such a great and wonderful time together, there are no words for it. I feel so blessed that he was actually able to come over for a whole week ánd to be able to take that week off work and spend it with him all day and all night.

As said, I’ve been coming down from that high since yesterdaymorning, since taking him to the airport for his flight back home. Spiralling down more like it. Anyone ever been or currently in a long distance relationship knows what that is like. Even though I’ve only been experiencing it for a few months, I can tell you: It sucks! One moment you have it all and the next it’s “gone”… And you immediately start wondering when you’ll see him again next.

Don’t get me wrong. Though the long distance stuff is a total bitch, I wouldn’t want to be with a.n.y.o.n.e. else! Hell To The Naw! The Guy is worth every aspect of the long distance ride. Hell Yeah, he is. And though I am feeling sucky right now, I know that I’ll get better in a few days, especially once I am back at the office and The Kid is back home from a holiday with The Ex and I’ll be busy doing my stuff again. But just like any brandnew relationship, being in love, he’s on my mind 24/7. And how to get our asses together again a.s.a.p is on my mind 24/7 as well.

I know I am totally blessed to have found him and we are very blessed having been able to see eachother twice, in total over 10 days, in a 6-7 week period. I am certainly a lucky woman having the advantage that The Guy travels a lot and there will be several occassions in future that he will manage to haul his (great!) ass thru Amsterdam airport on his way to some or other business destination, so I am pretty sure we’ll see eachother again within a few months. There’s loads of people in long distance relationships far worse off than we are…

But ya know… I just want him here… with me… snuggling up in his arms… being together… all the time… I just wanna wanna wanna so very badly… At least he left me two shirts this time, heh, so I won’t have to snuggle up to the suitcase label anymore…

This is the voicemail of DutchBitch

There will be no Dutch-A-Pimpin this week

I am out taking The Guy to the airport for his flight home

Dutch-A-Pimpin will return next week

* BLEEP *

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Did I tell you you could leave a message after the bleep?

Oh well, I guess you can, if you feel you want to…