Another lifetime has ended…

Just days after we learned that my aunt, the only sister of my father’s side that was still alive, was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and a tumour in her head, she is no more… We were informed this morning that she had passed away late last night…

It’s a weird feeling. Aside from being very sad about her passing, it’s just a weird feeling to know that on my dad’s side of the family there is, if I am not mistaken, only the youngest brother left. All other siblings passed away in the past 13-14 years, including my own father… They were ages 49 till about late 60′s when they died… That’s a scary thought… That’s way too young to go…

I say “if I am not mistaken” as we are not in close contact with my Dad’s side of the family anymore. I won’t bore you with the details but it has to do with stuff that happened when my Mom remarried. Right now, both my sister, my Mom and myself are mostly past it. Of course I can only speak for myself truly, but I am not even angry anymore. A few years ago I decided that being upset and angry was costing me too much energy and pain… So I got past it in the respect that I am not angry anymore, I am just done with it. I don’t hate the relatives of my Dad, I don’t hold a grudge anymore, I just choose to take myself out of that equation and not be in touch with them anymore than I have to. It’s a self-protective thing and I am pretty sure that The Mom and The Sis feel pretty much the same…

My Mom was still in touch with this particular aunt as it was one of her girlfriends when she was in her early 20′s. My aunt was quite a character, quite the drama queen I might add, but a good woman at heart too.

And even though I had not seen her for a long time and was not in frequent contact with her… I still mourn her death. Cos I still remember the good times when we were kids, teens, young adults and they were all still very much part of our lives… Even though she was quite a character, as was her (late) husband, we loved visiting.

Even though I had not seen her for a long time and not spoken to her for ages… I miss her already…

And it’s a weird thing to realize that a part of your life that you knew so very well, aunts and uncles… Are slowly diminishing, one by one, until soon that part of your life is non-existent… And I look at The Mom, losing another one of her girlfriends, and realize how much that must suck, to get older and have to go through that…

Deventer Book Fair

Yesterday, on Sunday, was the day of the Annual Book Fair in Deventer (Europe’s largest book fair, attracting some 125,000 visitors). Deventer is quite a nice and picturesque city in the centre-east part of Dutchyland. I had actually never been in it’s city center before.

I am not that much of a bookie. I mean, I read plenty, but still. But The Mom is. She used to go to this book fair with my dad when he was still alive, and after that with one of her cousins, but after she passed away several years ago, she never went back there.

When I was wading through the internets trying to find activities for The Kid and myself during summer break I came across an announcement for the Deventer Book Fair. I talked to The Kid and even thoug it was not really something either of us would go for, we decided to invite The Mom and take her there as we knew that she would love it.

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So Zoo

We’re out today. The Kid, The Lill Niece and myself will be venturing out to the zoo today. The Blijdorp zoo in Rotterdam to be precise.

See you when we get back!

Band Aid for the Soul

This Mondaynight, as I write this, has been a band aid for the soul. After date fail #1 and finding out today over email that potential date #2 was in the business of bullshit selling as well, I was feeling pretty down. I know I shouldn’t let it get to me like that, but things like this feel like it is never going to happen for me (at least not as long as I refuse to settle for lying assholes or distrusting jerks)…

While at the office, trying to avoid stabbing my eyes out of frustration in my last few days before summer break, I emailed The Mom as we have plans to go out for the day on Wednesday and asked her what she wanted to do. The Mom emailed back telling me to come over for dinner after work and we’d figure out plans for Wednesday. Initially, feeling so down and out, I didn’t feel like it much but I replied that I would and after work I went over there. We had a nice dinner, we talked about all kinds of stuff, and after dinner we went over to the town square and had a drink on one of the restaurant patio’s. It was still light and warm outside, and we were sitting on one of the lounge benches outside, first having a cappuccino and after that a nice glass of wine… After a while The Sis turned up. She was out with one of her neighbours (they go for a walk a few nights / week). They joined us for a drink, we had a talk and a laugh, which was fun. After they left, The Mom and I had another glass of wine. When we had finished our 2nd glass of wine, we paid the bill and, while it was slowly getting dark, we walked back to her apartment and decided to go to Delft on Wednesday for a city walk and lunch.

At her apartment I got my stuff, we said our goodbye’s and “see you Wednesday”, I got into my car, hooked up my iPod Touch, and one of my all time favourite songs, Big Log by Robert Plant, came on during the drive home…

And I felt at peace…

I had been feeling so shitty all Sundaynight and all day on Monday and this Mondaynight, spending it with The Mom and The Sis, some great food, a nice drink, good conversation, made me realize what is important. Family, friends, being healthy, being able to enjoy these little moments of bliss in life, another 5 sleeps and having The Kid back home: THAT’s what’s important…

If at some point I can share that with a wonderful man, who treats me with respect and loves me, that would be wonderful, but if not or until then… There is so much to be thankful for, there is so much in life to enjoy, there is so much I have that some people don’t…

This night in the company of my Mom and my sister was a Band Aid for the Soul… It truly was…