Daddy Cool

One of the biggest insurance companies has the fun-niest TV commercials.

This is their latest one…

and one of the older ones and one of my favorites you can see HERE.

“Even Apeldoorn bellen” means as much as “you might want to call your insurance“

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Bitchsterdam Recap (Finally!)

Bitchsterdam was a blast. We had a great time at Hard Rock Café in Amsterdam. My head is too foggy to write a proper blog post so I will just suffice with all the things I learned over the weekend:

• Lady Penelope doesn’t care who the fuck is waiting for her at arrivals. All she cares about is getting the hell out of the non-smoking airport building a.s.a.p. (“I seem to be outside, did I walk the wrong way?” Yeah Uh Huh)
• She tries to get into the wrong side of the car here in Dutchyland just as much as I tend to in the U.K.
• If you are having Lady Penelope over, make sure you have 1 bottle of wine/day in your fridge, at LEAST
• Honking your car horn at Schiphol is THE thing to do. No matter whether anyone is able to get anywhere.
• Again some people at plane/airport came away from a horrible fate, just because Dave2 cán control himself
• Alkmaar drivers are pretty decent. They WILL let you park even though you are blocking the whole road attempting to do so.
• The cheesemarket hasn’t changed much since I was there last at 10 yrs of age.
• Dress sense does not come natural to everyone and yellow certainly doesn’t work for some women
• Getting a cruise liner into Alkmaar waters apparently is a “tight fit”
• To “some people” the little pieces of shit cheese handed out at the Kaas Museum are a little piece of heaven (clearly people like that don’t know real cheese)
• Patatjes Met and rolls with Old Amsterdam cheese are mandatory and gooooooddd
• The Kid’s bed is going squeakier and squeakier since Dave2 has been using it
• It IS possible to have 1 guy ánd 2 girls up and in the car before 10 a.m.
• Lady Penelope needs to be kept on a leash while walking through Amsterdam. If not, she is prone to kill herself walking into a car… or a tram… or a scooter… or a bike…
• It is amazing how much stuff that you say sounds completely weird taken out of context, which obviously we love to do… all the time: “OVERHEARD!“
• The way to speak UK English rather than US English is to just randomly insert words like “Literally” and “Obviously” and “Actually” into a sentence. Don’t actually worry, they literally fit in anywhere in a sentence, obviously.
• Going on a canal boat trip with Dave2 and his camera: do NOT take the window seat. Your boobs will not live to tell.
• Canal boats in Amsterdam clearly go faster than the ones in Delft.
• Having a “Juice Bar”  is the red light district, is kinda um… weird to me
• It suffices to just stand in the Hard Rock Store and be beautiful in order to land yourself a Hard Rock Café suitcase label. Well, for some people, at least (heh).
• Given a “buzzer” while waiting for a table at Hard Rock Café, all the girls -for some inexplicable reason- will be fighting over the buzzer
• Some people never fail to steer the conversation to pee and poo “number 2″
• Some burgers are just too big.
• Eating around the edges is only helpful advise if your burger still has edges (which, if it has come apart in your hands, it really doesn’t anymore)
• Watching a World Cup match between the US with a few Americans and a Brit is um… interesting…
• There should be a law against a thong showing, especially skin colored ones. Hell, there should be a law against thong on men – period!
• I am not sure what statement someone stuffing shoe in a drain is trying to make.
• If you, with a motorcycle cop next to you, put your hands in your sides and shout “WTF do YOU want!?!?“  at him, then stuff your shoe in a drain and then proceed to abuse a traffic sing pole, you WILL get wrestled to the ground, feel the cold steel of handcuffs on your wrists and the knee of a police officer in your back. Arrested!
• To Amsterdam policewomen signing a shirt of one of the participants of a stag party is clearly more important then hauling off an arrestee.
• THE word of Bitchsterdam 2: Literally!
• The landmarks Dave2 remembers from last Bitchsterdam: “I recognize this! This is where you pissed yourself laughging last time, isn’t it, DutchBitch?“
• He will then proceed to repeat that process and almost succeeding (Almost!)
• There is nothing quite as good to take on the train as home made Old Cheese Sandwhiches, right?
• Something in the house breaks down if the Bitchsterdam Triangle (Dave2, Lady Penelope, DutchBitch) is present. Last time it was the waterheater, this time the TV gave out.
• I had a GUH-REAT time!

I didn’t make many pics myself but I am sure there’s pics with the others. Some great ones are on Dave2′s blog on his recap post. Be sure to have something to scrub your cornea with afterwards tho! Proof of the skin colored thong is on there. Just sayin’

Thanks to Dave2, Lady Penelope, CanaDutch + hubbie, Pinky Pie, Alibess ánd the staff at Hard Rock Café for making Bitchsterdam-2 a fun fun night! I hope Pinky Pie and Alibess got home alright with the train traffic coming to a halt around Utrecht.

And last but not least: Happy Father’s Day to everyone!

Boy Talk

I am in the middle of arrangements for a big international conference next week. You know, kind of being the secretary / PA / conference organizer / registration and hotel accomodation desk. There is still tons of loose ends to tie up before everything starts on Tuesday morning and that is what we are attempting to do today… My boss and I…

As my meeting with the conference center Duty Managers early Tuesdaymorning will run right up to the time that the first part of the conference starts, I needed assistance to hand out conference name badges as I might not be at the lecture hall in time. So I went over to see 2 of our adorable and sweet male PhD students in their office.

DutchBitch: “Hiiiii boys… How are you?”
B: “Uh Oh, I bet she wants something”
J: “Yeah, I am busy, ask B”
DB: “I have a request for the both of you, boys”
J: “OK hit us with it, let’s get it over with”
DB: “Well, on Tuesday I might not make it to the morning session of the conference in time to hand out the name badges and as the program is fairly tightly planned I would hate to have the session start late because of that. If I leave the badges at reception when I arrive early morning, can you pick them up from there and hand them out to the participants before the start of the session, please?”
B: “Yeah sure. Do we hand them out or what?”
DB: “Oh, if you just put them on the desk at the entrance of the lecture hall in alphabetical order, that will be fine”
B: “OK, will do”
J: “No No No, we should HAND them out. That way we immediately know the hotties by name!”
B: “Oh right, great thinking B”
J: “DB? Do you have green and red stickers?”
DB: “Ummm huh? So you can mark the hot and not so hot?”
B: “Seriously, dude! We can see that with our own 2 eyes. We don’t need stickers for that!”
J: “We do. It’s very important to make that disctinction SOBER. That way we can make sure no mistakes are made in a drunk state”
DB: “Oh yeah, so you see the red sticker and realize: oh, she isn’t hot at all, I just drunk-think she is”
J: “Yeaaahhahahahahahahahaaaa”
DB: “I guess that routine has been developed due to experience in the mattter then?”
J: “No comment”
DB: “OK thanks boys!”
J + B: “You’re welcome!”

* An hour later *

J: “DB DB!!! We googled one of the participants of the conference and you will nnneeever guess!!!”
DB: “Who did you google?”
J: “We googled Ms X”
DB: “So?”
J: “The 2nd picture hit is a pair of white butt cheeks. I wonder if that is really her”
DB: “Well, I guess you should try and find out then, don’t you? LOL”
J: “As soon as we have a visual we will come to get you”
DB: “Umm no thanks,  I think I’ll pass on that one *snort* ”

Boys will be boys will be boys will be boys, I guess. But they are “my” boys and I love them. And though I am going completey and utter nuts with pre-conference stress, those guys make my day every time.

Snot Ride

So… yeah… snot is dripping out of my nostrils by the bucket right now. Other than that I feel ok. I feel a bit sluggish early morning and late evenings, but no fever, no headache. Just oozing snot…

The Kid is back home for the remainder of the week. He’s been with his dad for 3 weekends in a row and though he is home during the week the afternoons, evenings and such are stuffed with end of year school activities and sports tournaments that The Kid is taking part in. So even when he is home, it feels like we don’t get to spend much time together. Life is just so gawddamn busy.

In another 4 weeks The Kid finished Base School, as we call the 4-12 yr school here, and will move on to High School after summer break. Summer break starts in exactly a month from now. A month! *shudder* In that time we have several sports tournaments and practice and try-outs for the End of Base School musical for The Kid, Bitchsterdam and a big international conference at work for me, and some birthdays and other stuff to attend for both of us. Our weeks are pretty much booked solid.

Upcoming Sunday is the ONLY day left till start of summer break, of which he will be spending the first 3 weeks with his dad, that we have no obligations whatsoever. And weather is promising to be very good over the weekend * JINX *.

So we have decided that Sunday is going to be a Mom-Son Day. We are hauling our asses off to Walibi World. The biggest rollercoaster parc in Dutchyland. I know, the parc is peanuts compared to the ones in the US, but this is the best we can get at driving distance. And seeing as we both LOOOOVVEE rollercoasters, I am positive that it’s going to be a perfect day.

Except for one tiny little thing… Something that sprung to mind in the conversation The Kid and I had about Sunday (yeah, we have the greatest conversations): if you are in Dutchyland and are planning to go there as well on Sunday, just make sure that you are not in any rollercoasters, with loopings in them, with us. And if you insist to do so, at least make sure you are not in the cart that is directly underneath ours when we are hanging upside down, even for a split second…

Cos remember those buckets of snot that are dripping out of my nose? I am not quite sure weather the gravity pull in the rollercoaster will have a positive effect on that. And you know [disclaimer] I am not taking any responsibilty for anyone getting covered in my snot while insisting on going on the same rollercoaster ride with us.

Consider Yourself WARNED!

Just sayin’. I am warning you in ample time so you can think of an alternative activity for Sunday [/disclaimer].