This is their latest one…

and one of the older ones and one of my favorites you can see HERE.

“Even Apeldoorn bellen” means as much as “you might want to call your insurance“

.

• Lady Penelope doesn’t care who the fuck is waiting for her at arrivals. All she cares about is getting the hell out of the non-smoking airport building a.s.a.p. (“I seem to be outside, did I walk the wrong way?” Yeah Uh Huh)
• She tries to get into the wrong side of the car here in Dutchyland just as much as I tend to in the U.K.
• If you are having Lady Penelope over, make sure you have 1 bottle of wine/day in your fridge, at LEAST
• Honking your car horn at Schiphol is THE thing to do. No matter whether anyone is able to get anywhere.
• Again some people at plane/airport came away from a horrible fate, just because Dave2 cán control himself
• Alkmaar drivers are pretty decent. They WILL let you park even though you are blocking the whole road attempting to do so.
• The cheesemarket hasn’t changed much since I was there last at 10 yrs of age.
• Dress sense does not come natural to everyone and yellow certainly doesn’t work for some women
• Getting a cruise liner into Alkmaar waters apparently is a “tight fit”
• To “some people” the little pieces of shit cheese handed out at the Kaas Museum are a little piece of heaven (clearly people like that don’t know real cheese)
• Patatjes Met and rolls with Old Amsterdam cheese are mandatory and gooooooddd
• The Kid’s bed is going squeakier and squeakier since Dave2 has been using it
• It IS possible to have 1 guy ánd 2 girls up and in the car before 10 a.m.
• Lady Penelope needs to be kept on a leash while walking through Amsterdam. If not, she is prone to kill herself walking into a car… or a tram… or a scooter… or a bike…
• It is amazing how much stuff that you say sounds completely weird taken out of context, which obviously we love to do… all the time: “OVERHEARD!“
• The way to speak UK English rather than US English is to just randomly insert words like “Literally” and “Obviously” and “Actually” into a sentence. Don’t actually worry, they literally fit in anywhere in a sentence, obviously.
• Going on a canal boat trip with Dave2 and his camera: do NOT take the window seat. Your boobs will not live to tell.
• Canal boats in Amsterdam clearly go faster than the ones in Delft.
• Having a “Juice Bar”  is the red light district, is kinda um… weird to me
• It suffices to just stand in the Hard Rock Store and be beautiful in order to land yourself a Hard Rock Café suitcase label. Well, for some people, at least (heh).
• Given a “buzzer” while waiting for a table at Hard Rock Café, all the girls -for some inexplicable reason- will be fighting over the buzzer
• Some people never fail to steer the conversation to pee and poo “number 2″
• Some burgers are just too big.
• Eating around the edges is only helpful advise if your burger still has edges (which, if it has come apart in your hands, it really doesn’t anymore)
• Watching a World Cup match between the US with a few Americans and a Brit is um… interesting…
• There should be a law against a thong showing, especially skin colored ones. Hell, there should be a law against thong on men – period!
• I am not sure what statement someone stuffing shoe in a drain is trying to make.
• If you, with a motorcycle cop next to you, put your hands in your sides and shout “WTF do YOU want!?!?“  at him, then stuff your shoe in a drain and then proceed to abuse a traffic sing pole, you WILL get wrestled to the ground, feel the cold steel of handcuffs on your wrists and the knee of a police officer in your back. Arrested!
• To Amsterdam policewomen signing a shirt of one of the participants of a stag party is clearly more important then hauling off an arrestee.
• THE word of Bitchsterdam 2: Literally!
• The landmarks Dave2 remembers from last Bitchsterdam: “I recognize this! This is where you pissed yourself laughging last time, isn’t it, DutchBitch?“
• He will then proceed to repeat that process and almost succeeding (Almost!)
• There is nothing quite as good to take on the train as home made Old Cheese Sandwhiches, right?
• Something in the house breaks down if the Bitchsterdam Triangle (Dave2, Lady Penelope, DutchBitch) is present. Last time it was the waterheater, this time the TV gave out.
• I had a GUH-REAT time!

I didn’t make many pics myself but I am sure there’s pics with the others. Some great ones are on Dave2′s blog on his recap post. Be sure to have something to scrub your cornea with afterwards tho! Proof of the skin colored thong is on there. Just sayin’

Thanks to Dave2, Lady Penelope, CanaDutch + hubbie, Pinky Pie, Alibess ánd the staff at Hard Rock Café for making Bitchsterdam-2 a fun fun night! I hope Pinky Pie and Alibess got home alright with the train traffic coming to a halt around Utrecht.

And last but not least: Happy Father’s Day to everyone!

As my meeting with the conference center Duty Managers early Tuesdaymorning will run right up to the time that the first part of the conference starts, I needed assistance to hand out conference name badges as I might not be at the lecture hall in time. So I went over to see 2 of our adorable and sweet male PhD students in their office.

DutchBitch: “Hiiiii boys… How are you?”
B: “Uh Oh, I bet she wants something”
J: “Yeah, I am busy, ask B”
DB: “I have a request for the both of you, boys”
J: “OK hit us with it, let’s get it over with”
DB: “Well, on Tuesday I might not make it to the morning session of the conference in time to hand out the name badges and as the program is fairly tightly planned I would hate to have the session start late because of that. If I leave the badges at reception when I arrive early morning, can you pick them up from there and hand them out to the participants before the start of the session, please?”
B: “Yeah sure. Do we hand them out or what?”
DB: “Oh, if you just put them on the desk at the entrance of the lecture hall in alphabetical order, that will be fine”
B: “OK, will do”
J: “No No No, we should HAND them out. That way we immediately know the hotties by name!”
B: “Oh right, great thinking B”
J: “DB? Do you have green and red stickers?”
DB: “Ummm huh? So you can mark the hot and not so hot?”
B: “Seriously, dude! We can see that with our own 2 eyes. We don’t need stickers for that!”
J: “We do. It’s very important to make that disctinction SOBER. That way we can make sure no mistakes are made in a drunk state”
DB: “Oh yeah, so you see the red sticker and realize: oh, she isn’t hot at all, I just drunk-think she is”
J: “Yeaaahhahahahahahahahaaaa”
DB: “I guess that routine has been developed due to experience in the mattter then?”
J: “No comment”
DB: “OK thanks boys!”
J + B: “You’re welcome!”

* An hour later *

J: “DB DB!!! We googled one of the participants of the conference and you will nnneeever guess!!!”
DB: “Who did you google?”
J: “We googled Ms X”
DB: “So?”
J: “The 2nd picture hit is a pair of white butt cheeks. I wonder if that is really her”
DB: “Well, I guess you should try and find out then, don’t you? LOL”
J: “As soon as we have a visual we will come to get you”
DB: “Umm no thanks,  I think I’ll pass on that one *snort* ”

Boys will be boys will be boys will be boys, I guess. But they are “my” boys and I love them. And though I am going completey and utter nuts with pre-conference stress, those guys make my day every time.

The Kid is back home for the remainder of the week. He’s been with his dad for 3 weekends in a row and though he is home during the week the afternoons, evenings and such are stuffed with end of year school activities and sports tournaments that The Kid is taking part in. So even when he is home, it feels like we don’t get to spend much time together. Life is just so gawddamn busy.

In another 4 weeks The Kid finished Base School, as we call the 4-12 yr school here, and will move on to High School after summer break. Summer break starts in exactly a month from now. A month! *shudder* In that time we have several sports tournaments and practice and try-outs for the End of Base School musical for The Kid, Bitchsterdam and a big international conference at work for me, and some birthdays and other stuff to attend for both of us. Our weeks are pretty much booked solid.

Upcoming Sunday is the ONLY day left till start of summer break, of which he will be spending the first 3 weeks with his dad, that we have no obligations whatsoever. And weather is promising to be very good over the weekend * JINX *.

So we have decided that Sunday is going to be a Mom-Son Day. We are hauling our asses off to Walibi World. The biggest rollercoaster parc in Dutchyland. I know, the parc is peanuts compared to the ones in the US, but this is the best we can get at driving distance. And seeing as we both LOOOOVVEE rollercoasters, I am positive that it’s going to be a perfect day.

Except for one tiny little thing… Something that sprung to mind in the conversation The Kid and I had about Sunday (yeah, we have the greatest conversations): if you are in Dutchyland and are planning to go there as well on Sunday, just make sure that you are not in any rollercoasters, with loopings in them, with us. And if you insist to do so, at least make sure you are not in the cart that is directly underneath ours when we are hanging upside down, even for a split second…

Cos remember those buckets of snot that are dripping out of my nose? I am not quite sure weather the gravity pull in the rollercoaster will have a positive effect on that. And you know [disclaimer] I am not taking any responsibilty for anyone getting covered in my snot while insisting on going on the same rollercoaster ride with us.

Consider Yourself WARNED!

Just sayin’. I am warning you in ample time so you can think of an alternative activity for Sunday [/disclaimer].

The text on the back of the car says “How do you like my driving style?”

[CLICK TO ENLARGE PICTURE]

Yeah, um, dude… I think the state of the backside of your car kinda speaks for itself

SSTTTTRRRAIIIGGGHHHTTTT

into “dandelion fluff” that is floating around like mad

It makes your car look like Harry and Lloyd’s van…

Mark is an out of work actor, whose life is an absolute nightmare. He lives with his girlfriend and paraplegic brother and their dog in a completely rundown apartment, which looks like it is ready to collapse. His grumpy landlord won’t fix a thing until he gets the rent. But Mark has already spent the rent. To his girlfriend Sally that’s the last she could take and she announces she’s moving out. Mark thinks his life couldn’t get any worse, but it does – one of the cabinets mounted on the wall drops down and kills his girlfriend’s dog, then a dodgy chandelier falls and kills his wheelchair-bound brother and before he has a chance to come to terms with that, his landlord slips in the kitchen and falls, stabbing himself in the neck with a screwdriver. You think it stops there? Nu-Uh! As the body count keeps rising, Mark calls his best friend – the alcoholic writer-director Pierce- to help him out, which is the worst thing he could have done.

I love the dark morbid humor in this one and I truly pissed myself watching it. If it’s your thing, you will love this movie.

Now, I am out to have lunch with my soon-to-get-married friends for whom I am the Bitch of Ceremony at their wedding and hang out at a wine tasting with them after lunch.

Slán go fóill!

Les Sables d’Olonne in the Vendée has launched the online recruitment campaign for the six-week job, which will run from July 10 to August 22. The pay works out at €23 an hour before deductions, for a basic 35-hour working week. The initiative is being sponsored by a brand of sun-care products.

The two “creamers” will be based in a beach hut at the popular resort and tasked with applying 30,000 sun-cream samples as well as dishing out advice on how to stay safe in the sun.

Applications have opened a few days ago at one of Les Sables d’Olonne’s jobsites and the closing date is May 23. You will need to provide a CV and record a 45-second video clip explaining why you deserve the job.

So what kind of CV and video clip would land you thát job. And really? The Best Summer Job Ever? Rubbing suntan lotion over creepy hairy backs? Umm, no thanks… I think I’ll pass… Urghhhh…