I Miss “Him”

I had waaaayyy too much time to think in the past weeks. I’ve been by myself over the weekends a lot lately, due to some switcharoo-activity in the weekends with The Ex. And I found myself mostly at home, on the couch, contemplating life in general and my love life specifically.

You see, my life is richly filled with activities. It’s not like I am hermitting or withering away here. I am busy holding down 2 jobs, taking care of The Kid and, although it comes in “waves”, a pretty nice social life with friends and family. Thing is, there has been something missing for a long time, and though I get through life fine by myself, deep inside I do miss it. Every single day.

I miss having someone to share the basic stuff with. I really miss having a partner.

Everyone keeps telling me that I do great by myself and that someday it will happen. And it’s not like I am pessimistic and think my chances are over, because I don’t. And though I am not actively looking (besides, what the hell is actively looking anyway, really, cos I’ve tried the dating sites and shit and well, trust me, it’s not for me), it’s not like I am sitting around catatonically waiting for “it” to happen.  I do go out, I do meet new people, I do engage in all that stuff. I guess I have just not really met him. And I do very well by myself, I just would prefer not to, which is a big difference. I have proven to do well by myself, fine, we know that now. That’s a good thing and I appreciate that.

The thing that hit me last weekend though is that what I miss mostly is not the physical side, the sex, or anything. It’s intimacy. Trust me, no worries, I love sex, but I can do fine without that for a while, if I have to. It’s the true intimacy, the loving care intimacy, that I miss. The being able to tell someone how your day has been, someone to lean on, someone to talk to, soft loving kisses on lips, an arm around me, a look, putting my head on his chest and listening to him breathe, encouragement, love, care… That is the stuff that I am having a hard time living without. I am so done with going this road alone…

I can get “just sex” if I want to, but thing is, I did that for a while. Several years in fact. I don’t regret any second of it. But I am at that crossroads that “just sex” is not cutting it for me anymore. Not even “while I am waiting” for The Right Guy. I can’t do it. I need more, I wánt more, and I can’t settle for less anymore.

I guess it is phases you go through. And though at some point after the divorce things like that were enough for me, they are no longer. I know that nothing is perfect. I’ve been in plenty relationships to know that everything has it’s pro’s and con’s. But after being single for the better part of 9 years, I am ready to give it a shot again, dammit. In fact I have been for a while now.

I know this feeling of loneliness, this feeling of a huge void in my life, is at a high right now, due to having been by myself for 3 weekends in a row. And frankly, being at the wedding of my friends was awesome but also very confrontational (as I had expected it to be). And I know that it will subside to an acceptable level again in a while. But I also know that it won’t go away. I have a wonderful son, a great family, awesome friends, and they are the absolute best. Always there for me, and I am very grateful for that, as I realize there is people getting through life with much less. And seriously, I love you all to bits. But there is that part of life that, however much all of you would want to, you can’t fill for me…

Sometimes a girl just needs a kiss, a hug, a romantic embrace, a sweet whisper in her ear…

So… yeah… I miss “him”… I don’t know WHO the hell “him” is (yet), but I am sure he must be out there. Just a matter of finding him… in the right place, at the right time… Right?

Men Are Like Coffee

I need me a man coffee man coffee man coffee man

I can’t make up my mind which one to have first but whatever…

Me need both! Now!

Banned from Penelope Manor

Some of you might have seen this on Twitter on Saturday night (yes, we were that pathetic, both at home on Saturdaynight, twittering)

It was twittered by Lady Penelope because I dissmissed Pierce Brosnan in favor of Daniel Craig… Pffffttt, I say! I am not saying that Pierce is hard on the eyes, hardly. I am just saying that he’s too slick for my taste. I mean, I like my guys a little more “rugged” than that… She can have her Pierce, just as long as I can have my Daniel. That’s not a bad deal right? You would think the woman would be happy that we don’t like the same kind of men! A guy wouldn’t know what hit him if both of us frea-key women would be all over him. I think he’d run for his life!  Two of these would be waaaay too much to handle for one guy, eeek!

So here’s Pen’s fav on the left and mine on the right…

You can like whomever you prefer. I don’t mind. I like Daniel’s ruggedness… and his voice, OMG, the voice! I would happily have him whisper in my ear while he… Ooops sorry, I lost the plot a bit there… I have however found the solution for both me and Penelope. She doesn’t know it yet but there is actually a guy that both she and I might fancy. She can have the left side and I will have the right one…

Meet Pierniel Braig… Well, we might have to work on the name a bit more…

Oh and! It’s Lady Penelope’s BIRTHDAY today! She turns 40 today, or it might’ve been 38, I forget… Go over there and wish her a happy birthday!!!

Celebrity Date

Most of you know Lady Penelope… and her neverending obsession admiration for he who calls himself Neil Diamond, right? Right? Yeah well, I know plenty of you follow her on Twitter too and well… you must’ve seen that she is contemplating asking him to marry her…

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* blank stare *

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* crickets *

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Yeah… my sentiments exactly… I mean… ya know… The man hardly knows her! Sure, he’s watched her throw her panties on stage at his performances in the UK many times and it never fails… the fluffly pink crotchless panties are Lady Penelope‘s. I am sure that doesn’t surprise you… Gawd, I hope she cleans them before she throws them at Neil, by the way!

So, ya know… I was thinking… Once Neil gets to know Lady Penelope I am sure that, once she works up the courage to ask him to marry her, he will jump at the chance but maybe she should give this guy a chance to get to know her first? Right? I mean, there is such a thing as dating a guy befóre you ask him to marry you… So I was thinking, that I might set her and Neil up for a date. I mean, DaveDon is only 16 days away… So maybe he can be her Celebrity Date for DaveDon, huh? Whaddayathink? Would that work?

Of course that means that *I* too will need a celebrity date to bring to DaveDon, obviously. I mean, I can hardly have Lady Penelope arrive at DaveDon with Neil Diamond on her arm, being dateless myself!

But I can’t for the life of me think of a celebrity date I would want to ask to take me… Any ideas? Some fitting Celebrity Date for The DutchBitch?

Hmmm, I wonder if the DaveDon venue has a limousine parking and/or red carpet… What am I thinking… It must do… I mean, it’s Dave who’s the special guest!!! Ha! Of course it does!