The Dutch Files

To speak the immortal words of Fozzie Bear, as I love to do: “Hiya, Hiya, Hiya!”. I am back, back in DutchBitch Casa (have been for a while, more about that later), back at the Dutch Files -well, what’s left of it after BlogJackin’ Week- and the blogosphere, and in about a week back to “normal life”… I wish I could tell you that I had a blast in my absence and I am feeling great, but honestly, I am not.

First of all thanks to DutchieStyle, Morgetron, Fab, Robin, Britt, Karl, Nobody, Kevin, CinnKitty, and Penelope, for Jackin’ the hell out of my blog guestposting! I love you all!

SO… first week of my summerbreak I had to go back into the office several times and I had a huge blow out with Backstabbing Bitch as she was emailing me for pretty much each and every brainfart she had… and farts they were. It has been quiet ever since but I expect a huge explosion when I get back in the office on Sept 1. It did make me decide to nót open my office email for the 2nd and 3rd week of my summerbreak, and consequently that has been closed since August 15.

I learned that Jill, who was already planning to return to the US in September, has to go back sooner than that. I rushed over to see her one last time before she gets her ass on that plane back to Orlando next Wednesday. She has become one of my best friends thru blogging and even more in the months that she’s been here, and I am gonna miss her dearly… But being her friend I know and respect that she has to go back. She needs to be in Orlando, with for her family, but also for herself. I am SO gonna miss you, Jilly!

Weather here in Dutchyland sucks ass… and that would be “Ass” actually, with a capital “A”… If you didn’t know any better you would think that these days this country is in a permanent state of Fall, with the occasional slip up to Spring weather for the odd few days. I am sure CanaDutch would agree with me. It has made me return from Schiermonikoog 5 (!) days prematurely. It was raining there pretty much all the fucking time. And though it’s a great island, if the weather isn’t at least mostly dry, which enables you to do some cycling, hiking, swimming or just hanging round on the beach, well, it’s pretty much a dead place. I love this island with all my heart, but this was just… well… blegh… Then when the water heater of the holiday house gave out and couldn’t be fixed until the 22nd and all the lady renting it out could offer me was showering at her place, I was done. I packed my suitcase and we were on the next ferry ride outta there… That’s 350 euro’s down the drain…

Weather has sucked ever since and I am bored out of my skull. The crappy weather and limited funds is chaining us to the house a lot. Fortunately The Kid couldn’t care less: he loves playing his LEGO, his GameCube (yeah, we’re old skool here), and especially his LEGO Star Wars PC games. I am not a gamer at all, but holy shit! How many friggin times and how many hours in a row can one play a game… Sheesh! Still, I am glad he’s having a good time, even though its driving his Mom up the wall…

Early this week I learned that one of my girlfriends, at 52, has been diagnosed with colon cancer for the 3rd fucking time in 12 years… I mean, WTF? It’s gonna be her 4th time cancer in all, as in between she’s also suffered from breast cancer once. Oh, and 6 yrs ago her husband died of a liver cancer… Yah… I am incredibly sad for her, and angry with her, that this is happening to her again. She’s going to have surgery and radiotherapy and then, depending on the outcome of both, maybe chemo… Sigh…

And then to top it all off, there is, again, major suckage going on in the life of The Guy. Out of respect for him I can’t tell you the details but believe me, it just does not end for him and the people close to him. Life can’t fucking cut him some slack for more than a week or so, as it seems. And I so feel for him. I love him so very much and this long distance relationship thing really sucks when your better half is hurting and having a hard time. See that countdown, way up there in the sidebar? That’s when my ass will be on a plane from Heathrow to Raleigh and I vigorously hope to be able to jump into his arms that day, Sunday September 7. I so need to see him and I am arrogant enough to assume that the feeling is mutual… I just need all of you to send good vibes to him right now, and also root for him being in Raleigh, when I get there, so we can be together for a few days…

So yeah, that is basically it… Sorry I am not really “up beat” right now. I apologize. I am gonna try to salvage what I can from this summerbreak. Hoping that the upcoming week will be a bit better on all of us, and will feel somewhat like a vacation… Life has a funny way of turning on yah, doesn’t it? The very year that I was in such need of a decent break things go all apeshit… I hate apes… and their shit… just sayin’…

I just realized yesterday that today’s my last day posting and then I won’t be on here for the next 10 days. I will be off to Schiermonnikoog on Friday and back next Friday and from August 14 to 23 some of my blog buddies will be taking over to fuck up my blog guestpost.

So this will be my last personally written post for a bit and ya know… I have some stuff to say before I go:

• weather in Dutchyland SUCKS ASS right now… I need it to be better than that on Schiermonnikoog, cuz if it’s not my ass will be back on the ferry to the mainland and back to my appartment faster than you can say “Schiermonnikoog”… no wait… that might take too long… um… than you can say… “stiletto”!
• In a split decision I went over to see Jill yesterday. I am not sure that in between vacation, the move of the dept and my trip to the US in September I will have much chance to see her again, before she leaves. I was in a 15 km traffic jam on the way back but at least I saw her once more!
• The Kid utterly surprised me when he stayed behind with Jill when I went out to get us dinner. He NEVER does that! That’s a HUGE compliment from The Kid, Jill! And, shit, bitch, I smell of garlic!!!
• The Guy and The Kid teamed up on me on webcam yesterday morning. I was talking to The Guy when The Kid woke up and joined us for a minute. At some point The Guy started laughing his ass of while I was discussing something profound and serious (heh)… Turns out The Kid was making gagging sounds and movements behind my back… * rolling eyes *
• Another few weeks and my ass will be on a plane to Raleigh. I’ll be busy today sending out memo’s to the company of The Guy (the one that makes him be out of town when I am there gets shot to hell), American Airlines personnel, airport personnel in both Amsterdam, London and Raleigh (don’t you fucking dáre even think of having some sort of strike) and the weather gods (clear skies, please)… Did I leave anyone out? I think I am pretty much covered here, right?
• I am stopping over in London to visit Penelope on the way to Raleigh… She’s all giddy about it… at least, so I thought, until she informed me last night that she still hadn’t gotten round to “pencilling me in her schedule for that weekend“… PENCIL ME IN, BITCH!
• I told The Guy yesterday that I finally got all the new ADSL working and I also managed to hook The Kid’s computer up to the WiFi connection. His reply? “Ah, so now he can surf the web for porn!“… *sigh* ob.vi.ous.ly MY son would never do that until he’s umm…. 45 or so… Seriously! Gah!
• There’s nothing like spending a whole friggin morning putting the kazillion games back on your son’s freshly installed PC and him sitting next to you, saying “I SO love you, Mom, really. You are the best!“
• Umm… Do me a favor? Go over HERE and do a (fish)headcount… Then go HERE and do another one… Yeah, that would be yesterday’s pic of the happy family. Am I seeing things? I guess they fucking dammit figured out how to do it and are going loony with it! Holy Shit! Do you think Trojan manufactures Fish Condoms?
• I gotta do something about the Fucking Fish though… there is NO way those damn fish are getting more action than I am!!!
• The Kid in the car yesterday, in the traffic jam: “Wouldn’t it be totally funny if you honked your carhorn reaaaally hard, and the guy in front of us would pull up and hit the guy in front of him? Bwwhahahahahahahahahaa“. He’s got his Mom’s sense of humor…
• OK, I am outta here to run errands and shit. Tomorrow I will be busy packing up and doing some last minute shopping and Friday I am outta here. Jill will be your first guestposter tomorrow. Enjoy the BlogJackin’ Week! I am not sure how I’ll do without much internet access on Schiermonnikoog. I won’t be able to surf around your blogs, and I can’t even bear to think of the serious lack of contact with The Guy!!! … but I’ll survive… I guess… sorta…

See you guys on August 24!!!

Last night I was baffled… In one single night I had my chair pulled out and then put back for me while getting seated at the dinner table… I had wine and water poored for me… I had my laptop and folders carried… the door held open for me several times… coffee poored… And all by 20-something male participants of the course…

Could it be that chivalry is not dead? That there are still actually (young) men who still do know how to be chivalrous? Is there hope for the future? Without actually giving you the feeling that they want to get into your pants at the same time? Or are they just very smart in disguising the latter?

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OMG! It must be because they think I am one of those women that need help just cuz they’re pityful, wrinkling up and olllllddddd!!! The kind of guys that soon will be asking me whether I need help crossing the street… Although I didn’t hear them call me Ma’am… yet…

But that might also be because my ears are completely plugged solid due to my still worsening cold…

Yup! It’s still there. The cold… I am sneezing, coughing, and wading thru incredible amounts of snot all day. Holy Fuck! Where does it all come from? That can’t all have been inside my head all that time? Bucketloads! I never had the impression that I had an exceptionally large full heavy head, really… But I just can’t believe all the crap that is coming out of there!

OK, I am done for now on the snot thing…

I am packing up and departing today. A full 1.5 day earlier than the rest of them, like I had planned. If the storm and traffic aren’t too bad, I expect to be home in time to pick up The Kid from school. I’ll be on the ferry departing at 10.30 a.m. and should be home at about 2.00 p.m. I think…

Don’t forget to check out Mah Bitch up there in the right hand sidebar, in the Pimpin’ Quarters! Laci will be with me for another few days, so go over there and give her some luvin’.

The view from my window this morning

07.00 a.m.

Gale warning - windforce 9

[click to enlarge]

The Rough Schiermonnikoog Life, that’s exactly how we like it…

Gazing at it from the warm cozy inside of the hotel…

Meet my front door for the week…

Yeah, take a closer look (click)… See that number… Remember I told you before that I get a different room in the hotel every year… Yeah, that’s right… I guess it was my time to be in this roomnumber… Promises to be a great week… and I didn’t feel like being here this time in the first place… So if I don’t show up anymore in Blogistan over the rest of the week, the room got the better of me… I am sure it’s haunted in some way…

I arrived Sunday 4.30 p.m. after the 2.5 hour drive, the 45 minute ferry trip and the 10 min busride (well, we took a taxi with the teaching staff, but you get my drift)… I was totally beat… I really couldn’t get myself to be excited about going, up to such a point that it took me till 30 min before departure to seriously get my ass in gear and pack my suitcase! I am pretty sure I must’ve forgotten something but up till now it seems like I did pack plenty of panties, bras and socks and well, that’s pretty much all a girl needs, right… That and make up… and hair stuff… and shoes… and a handbag… well, and maybe my mobile… It all seems to be here for now.

Dinner that evening was pretty interesting. We have to make inventory before dinner of the amount of people wanting the fish dish and the amount of people wanting the meat dish. It’s done very scientifically, obviously being with 38 scientists, by show of hands and then writing down the numbers on a Heineken notepad we grab from the bar… I am not a fish person so I put up my hand for the schnitzel… Can I just say one thing about this year’s schnitzel: Holy Mother of God! What kind of animal did that one come from? A dinosaur size pig? You could feed an orphanage from the “thing” that was hanging over my plate at both sides. I think I won’t be needing any meals for the next 5 days or so…

And can I say one other thing about the effects of the meal: the tremors you felt over there at your end of the globe and the noise… it was NO earthquake… They were my intentins trying to get their own back… Goddammit! I think at some point hotel management issued an emergency vacating of the premises! At least that is what it looked like to me when I could see all the other guests assemble outside in the garden, from my hotelroom window. And the cracks in my hotelroom wall, I am fairly sure they weren’t there before…

Aren’t you happy now, that I am the kinda girl that shares her most innner private stuff with you? Hell Yeah! You must be!

Oh, and did I tell you that the room I am in now has a sauna and a jaccuzi style bathtub, again… Nah, I didn’t think I did. Can you believe that I am totally NOT in the mood to use either of those? Not at all. But then, as someone stated to me over sms last night: sauna’s and jaccuzi’s are really a couples thing, much more fun with a significant other… Heh… It looks kinda strange though, a small sauna smackdab in the middle of the room… sorta… It’s like a tiny shed in the room, next to the closet… I keep expecting someone to step out of there just wearing a towel… and walking off into the bathroom without a cringe…

Yeah, so I am here. Not in the mood. Weather sucks. Internet connection is pullingyahearoutbad. And I’ve landed myself a friggin incredible cold (sorry about your sticky screens… there’s a lot of snot, and uncontrolable sneezing and ya know… it happens). But the hotelstaff is pulling me thru! And I am happy to say that pre-dinner conversation at the bar has already reached its desired level on the 2nd day: all you ever wanted to know about headlice, crabs and pubic shaving. Yup, us teaching staff have no inhibitions in our teaching subjects, especially not over drinks. Participants will leave here the end of the week fully informed about virtually every important life determining subject (is it me or does talk about lice make always make you itchy as well?).

It’s all there: island life on the edge! Have a great day! If the internet doesn’t fail me again (in which case I might be in a lethal mood and tonights dinner better not be steak with matching knives), I will be around!

Schier On!