Remember THIS? My relaxing Spa day?
Yeah, it wasn’t as relaxing as I had hoped it would be…
First of all, the night before, I got into a huuuuuuuggggeeee fight with The Ex… Because when I went over to take The Kid to his place his motherfuckingassholefucktard dad.. WAS NOT AT HOME!!! I had this gut feeling all week that it was gonna go all apeshit. In fact, over a glass of red wine on Tuesday I was actually discussing all the Ex-shit with The Chief, as hís ex is similar. She in fact wasn’t home when he was supposed to take the kids over to her place after our trip to De Efteling… Our Ex-es are totally fucked up. They should be convicted to marry eachother… or summin’. So I was there last night, with The Kid, looked up at the appartment building and saw a totally dark dark dark appartment. Steam came from about every cavity of my body. You see, my gut feeling about the asshole Ex n.e.v.e.r fails me… Turns out that he had left his girlfriend’s place too late in the day and then got stuck in commuting traffic (funny thing, on a weekday between 5-6 p.m. right?)… Now you see, he arrived hours after the agreed time, so that means that he in fact wouldn’t even have been on time had he not been stuck in traffic… Fucktard asshole. I guess the girlfriend was, again, more important than his child.
So, needless to say that I was not in the best of moods last night. Nor was I this morning, cuz he had felt it necessary to send me a txt message saying I shouldn’t make such a big deal out of things like this, as it wasn’t like I had somebody at home waiting for me, so that couldn’t have been the problem *blank stare*… Well, fucker! I DO MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF THE FATHER OF MY CHILD MAKING MY CHILD FEEL LIKE SHIT! AND I ALSO MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF MY ASSHOLE FUCKTARD EX ACTING LIKE I DON’T HAVE A LIFE! There, I said it! Eat that!
I arrived at the spa, got undressed in the locker room, got out my bathrobe, my towels, my book, put my hair in a bun, and walked in, letting out a sigh of relief… Until I noticed… half of the spa was being renovated! WTF?! As I was really in need of relaxation and had already booked an hour massage, I decided to get over it and try to have a good time anyway… Which I did… for a moment… until the one and only fucktard in the spa had found its way to yours truly… I was in the shower and he got in the shower next to me. So far so good, until… he was looking at me with this sicko look. My fucktard radar was setting off the alarm immediately. I decided to ignore him… He decided to put the moves on me…
Spa Fucktard: “So ehm… you seem like a hottie… wanna get in the tub with me?“ *wink*
DutchBitch: “Ehm, no thanks. I’d prefer it if you just leave me in peace”
Spa Fucktard: “Oh come on. We could have a hot time”
DutchBitch: “Not interested”
Spa Fucktard: *touching my thigh* “Oh come on, baby. You look plenty naughty!”
DutchBitch: “Keep your paws of my body, fuck you very much!”
Then I walked off. He walked after me to the spa bar. The boss of the spa sure enough smelled exactly what was going on and came over to talk to me when I walked up there and darted Spa Fucktard a nasty look. I told Spa Boss what had happened and Spa Fucktard was escorted out of the building half an hour later. Yeah, I am not a self proclaimed Certified Fucktard Magnet for nuttin’!
I spent the rest of the day reading my book near the spa fireplace, having a few drinks, doing sauna, swimming and the 1 hour massage. With the masseuse that wouldn’t shut up… for one fucking second of the HOUR massage! Fuck That!
Then the highlight of my day came when I was going back to the lockerroom to check my mobile, which I always do when The Kid is with the Fucktard Ex, and on the way to my locker I slipped… I stepped into something squishy and moist, slid thru the lockerroom, was júst able to keep myself upright and recover… Then I looked to my left… nobody… I looked to my right… and sure enough there was a dad with his daughter… the daughter looked horrendous, white as a sheet and was bending forward, hands on her knees…
And then it dawned on me… I HAD FUCKING SLIPPED THRU HER VOMIT!!! There was fucking fresh wet chunky vomit squished all in between my toes, underneath my feet, everywhere!!! Eeeewwwwwwwwwww fucking eeeewwww!!! I was SO disgusted that at first I didn’t even hear the dad throwing as many “OMG I am so sorry!”-s at me as he could.
I decided that that was fucking IT! That my day at the spa was done! I took a shower, thoroughly cleaned my feet, useless as I think I can still smell the vomit on there, got into my clothes and went home…
So ehm… not a very relaxing spa day… Just my luck… Fucktards and vomit in between my toes… So how was your day?
The existence of sperm was discovered in 1677 by a Dutchman. The Dutch student Ludwig Hamm saw distinct movement when he decided to look at his own little puddle under a miscroscope…
Yesterday was the first day of 
On Saturdaymorning 
I did do one thing this morning. Feast your eyes on this baby! It’s been baking in the oven now, this morning. I am fairly sure it’ll taste great. I mean, if it tastes the way it smells right now, it’ll be magnificent!
Hmmm………
