The Dutch Files

If you have any urges to bitch, nag or moan at me? Or ask useless shitty questions? Or tell me a boring story about the pits that is your life? Right now… Don’t even THINK of going there…

Don’t say I didn’t warn you… Cuz I did..

It’s MONDAY for Fuck’s sake…

More importantly its the first 2008 Summertime Monday…

So yeah… deal with it… I’m a fucked up bitch today… STFU! I mean even móre fucked up than usual. Sheesh!

Mental note to self: buy new alarm clock

In the first year after my divorce I had the occassional fling… just for sex… It’s not my kinda thing, really, but at the time it worked for me. I was totally preoccupied by all the divorce shit and finding a place to live, which both almost took 2 years to finalize… After that, when I got my feet back on solid ground, I was done with the fling thing… I am not the one-night-stand kinda girl. I am not the “just sex” kinda girl. I need more than that, I think I deserve more than that… So I can’t do that shit…

…

Up to a point…

…

Right now, years and years on, truckloads of batteries spent, suffering from MIRSI (masturbation induced repetitive strain injury), several crotch “areas” close to falling off from rubbing it… I can’t take it anymore…

I.N.E.E.D.S.E.X.A.N.D.I.N.E.E.D.I.T.NOOOOOWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!

Holy Fucking Shit! My crotch area is near boiling point, ready to explode. Nothing that can be solved with self satisfaction anymore. I don’t think even The Vaginator could save me at this point.

So let me inform you about this: if your husband and/or boyfriend is any kind of good looking and/or hot, and any kind of into me… read my lips: keep-him-away-from-me. I am fucking serious! I am a total liability to your relationship right now. I need to get my hands on fucking hot sex material and I am taking no prisoners. If your guy’s eyes even so much as “stray” into my direction, his dick ass is mine! MINE I tell ya! And to you men who feel no need to be slammed down by yours truly and have their brains fucked out, stay away from me as well. Cuz I am not asking any permission before I bolt you down, get on top and have my way with you.

Just sayin…

Now… I’m off for another day’s work at the office…

-End of DutchBitch Public Service Announcement-

Go see my bitch Traci! It’s her last day in the Pimpin’ quarters in the upper right hand corner… The next bitch’s E.T.A. is tomorrow…

No worries, this is not going to be one of the periodically depressing post. I can’t do one of those ‘cuz I am not depressed… In fact I hardly ever am, but not in the slightest right now, as I had such a wonderful time over the past 2 weeks in Tuscany…

Thing is though that being out there, in the outside air all day, with the blue skies, and the rays of sun shining on my bare skin from the early crisp mornings until the late summer evenings, the beautiful scenery of the Tuscany hills I watched for hours and hours just right there from my sunbed or campsite chair, the holiday atmosphere, the wonderful and nice people I met, the beautiful city of Florence I visited, the relaxed feeling, the great wine, and the beautiful food… at times, when I let out a disgracefully happy sigh and counted my blessings for being able to be here, enjoy Italian holiday life and my wonderful son, some philosophical DutchBitch thoughts slipped thru that made me realize that I really really really really REALLY miss having someone to share stuff like that with…

It’s not like I felt my holiday wasn’t awesome, ‘cuz it was, or that it was just coming short of a good fuck -although God knows I could also do with a good fuck after years of drought. It is more that the romantic scenery and ecstatically happy feeling made me realize how much I miss romance, being in love with a wonderful man, and enjoying eachother’s company and sharing good (and bad) together.

Sheesh! I am SO EXTREMELY in need of a romantic date. Even if it wouldn’t result into anything permanent, it would be SO SO SO wonderful to have a man take me out, wine and dine me, take care of me, romance me, touch me, kiss me, whisper sweet nuttin’s in my ear… I haven’t had that since the first few years of my former relationship/marriage… I think it must have been óver 12 years since I had that…

There is this almost (almost) aching longing inside me for some great guy to come up to me and actually ask me out… That shit never happens to me… They just talk dirty to me and tell me they want to fuck me… And do the nasty tongue thing, the crotch grabbing, the pelvic swirling… Blegh! But then, those don’t qualify as a great guy anyway… Fuck ‘m! Well, not really… actually, figure of speach an’ all that…
I don’t know what the fuck the cupid that has been assigned to me is doing, but he sure isn’t doing his job. Great! I got the slacking off cupid! The one that can’t be bothered to get off his lazy fat ass… The cupid that failed the arrow test and keeps missing the bulls eye… The one that is on strike ’cause he isn’t getting any himself…The really old one, that is close to retirement and can’t be bothered anymore… The Stupid Cupid… Fuck it!

Relax, I am not depressed about it, nor sad… I just wanna wanna wanna wanna wanna have it!!! All of it!!! RIGHT NOW!