The Dutch Files

I just realized yesterday that today’s my last day posting and then I won’t be on here for the next 10 days. I will be off to Schiermonnikoog on Friday and back next Friday and from August 14 to 23 some of my blog buddies will be taking over to fuck up my blog guestpost.

So this will be my last personally written post for a bit and ya know… I have some stuff to say before I go:

• weather in Dutchyland SUCKS ASS right now… I need it to be better than that on Schiermonnikoog, cuz if it’s not my ass will be back on the ferry to the mainland and back to my appartment faster than you can say “Schiermonnikoog”… no wait… that might take too long… um… than you can say… “stiletto”!
• In a split decision I went over to see Jill yesterday. I am not sure that in between vacation, the move of the dept and my trip to the US in September I will have much chance to see her again, before she leaves. I was in a 15 km traffic jam on the way back but at least I saw her once more!
• The Kid utterly surprised me when he stayed behind with Jill when I went out to get us dinner. He NEVER does that! That’s a HUGE compliment from The Kid, Jill! And, shit, bitch, I smell of garlic!!!
• The Guy and The Kid teamed up on me on webcam yesterday morning. I was talking to The Guy when The Kid woke up and joined us for a minute. At some point The Guy started laughing his ass of while I was discussing something profound and serious (heh)… Turns out The Kid was making gagging sounds and movements behind my back… * rolling eyes *
• Another few weeks and my ass will be on a plane to Raleigh. I’ll be busy today sending out memo’s to the company of The Guy (the one that makes him be out of town when I am there gets shot to hell), American Airlines personnel, airport personnel in both Amsterdam, London and Raleigh (don’t you fucking dáre even think of having some sort of strike) and the weather gods (clear skies, please)… Did I leave anyone out? I think I am pretty much covered here, right?
• I am stopping over in London to visit Penelope on the way to Raleigh… She’s all giddy about it… at least, so I thought, until she informed me last night that she still hadn’t gotten round to “pencilling me in her schedule for that weekend“… PENCIL ME IN, BITCH!
• I told The Guy yesterday that I finally got all the new ADSL working and I also managed to hook The Kid’s computer up to the WiFi connection. His reply? “Ah, so now he can surf the web for porn!“… *sigh* ob.vi.ous.ly MY son would never do that until he’s umm…. 45 or so… Seriously! Gah!
• There’s nothing like spending a whole friggin morning putting the kazillion games back on your son’s freshly installed PC and him sitting next to you, saying “I SO love you, Mom, really. You are the best!“
• Umm… Do me a favor? Go over HERE and do a (fish)headcount… Then go HERE and do another one… Yeah, that would be yesterday’s pic of the happy family. Am I seeing things? I guess they fucking dammit figured out how to do it and are going loony with it! Holy Shit! Do you think Trojan manufactures Fish Condoms?
• I gotta do something about the Fucking Fish though… there is NO way those damn fish are getting more action than I am!!!
• The Kid in the car yesterday, in the traffic jam: “Wouldn’t it be totally funny if you honked your carhorn reaaaally hard, and the guy in front of us would pull up and hit the guy in front of him? Bwwhahahahahahahahahaa“. He’s got his Mom’s sense of humor…
• OK, I am outta here to run errands and shit. Tomorrow I will be busy packing up and doing some last minute shopping and Friday I am outta here. Jill will be your first guestposter tomorrow. Enjoy the BlogJackin’ Week! I am not sure how I’ll do without much internet access on Schiermonnikoog. I won’t be able to surf around your blogs, and I can’t even bear to think of the serious lack of contact with The Guy!!! … but I’ll survive… I guess… sorta…

See you guys on August 24!!!

• If you are going right at the traffic lights, get into the RIGHT lane… NOT first in the left lane only to block up traffic in there while you are desperately trying to squeeze your big ass car into the traffic jam in the right lane.. EVERY FUCKING MORNING!
• When overtaking a car in the left lane, make sure you can actually speed up enough to not block up the whole friggin highway… And then do NOT look angry at people passing you at the right, for Fuck’s Sake! They are doing that cuz your ass won’t speed up!
• Do not pass the whole traffic jam at the exit to the medical center and expect the car all in front, who actually HAS been waiting for a friggin half an hour to get off the exit and not been creeping past all the other cars, to let you cut in line… Suck it up!
• When arriving at the parking facility try actually driving to the entrance that you got in the lane for. That’ll be either the left one, the middle one, or the right one. Do NOT, when the lane you chose is taking too long, turn your car and smash it into one of the other lanes without lookin BEHIND you to see whether someone else is in that lane actually approaching the entrance!
• If you don’t know how to get up a ramp out of standing still without your car backing up into the car behind you, ever fucking floor of the parking facility, do NOT drive up the ramp until you can see the floor up there is clear and you can actually get up the ramp in one go!
• Driving ’round in the parking facility in the morning, when everyone is trying to get to the office in time, do NOT start a conversation with that fun colleague of yours that happens to pass your car while walking to the elevators. THERE is a whole fucking row of other medical center employees trying to get their car parked behind you!

Yah… That was my morning on the way to the office. Did I just vouch a few days ago to keep stress level to a minimum until my holiday starts? I mean, work with me people! I can’t achieve that if you keep pulling this shit every day! KTHNXBAI!

OK… HE got me addicted when he kept flashing his one in my face all the time when he was over here… So I saved some money and tried to find out where I could get it cheapest and then SHE brought it over to Dutchyland for me last Tuesday…

I am hooked… totally… extremely… especially as I found a way to download movies, TVseries and podcasts and stuff (the Dutch iTunes store doesn’t provide those -just music- and the UK and US iTune stores don’t allow non-UK/US citizens to get an account, but I managed to get in there afterall, heh. Nobody keeps out Dah Dutch Bitch, pfffttt)… I’ll be spending the weekend ripping my fav CD’s to put those on my iPod Touch

I figured though that I need a name for it. I am not sure a girl name or a boy name but I am leaning towards a boy name… Oh come on! Something you so much needs a name! It deserves a name! You know… so when I go out and am rushing out the door I can say “Hang on, gotta bring [name] with me”… or “I love [name] to bits” or “[name] really does it for me” or “I was listening to [name] the other day…”

You KNOW I am right!

So umm… can I ask for your assistance in naming my iPod Touch 16G? Please?

* * * * * * * * * *

Other Friday Twirps:

• Morgy is doing a contest on her blog. Basically she wants you to make a drawing of her… I think… Go over HERE to read the full story on the contest (and prepare to scroll waaaay down for it as there’s tons of other stuff at the start of the post, lol) and ENTER! Your’s truly is going to be one of the judges. You can email me for my PayPal information… Just sayin… 
• Go over to the thumbnail in the far right sidebar to give Penelope some luvin’. It’s her last day in the pimpin quarters! Tomorrow the next one in line is up!!! Click the thumbnail and read her, she’s great!

I am off to get loads of shit done here at the office that I have had to put off all week due to other office emergencies… This is gonna be a hell of a day…

Happy Friday!

As I was writing up this post, a similar story by Matt-Man appeared on his blog on Father’s Day… I was doubting whether to actually publish this, but I decided that I was going to.

There is a golden rule that most divorced couples abide by. Whatever happens, you do not badmouth the other parent in front of your child. You certainly don’t lose your shit in front of them while talking to the other parent…

I try really hard to abide by that rule but recently I lost my shit… Directed at The Ex… In front of The Kid…

You see, remember June 5? The day that we were supposed to get the results of all the cardiology tests that we went through with The Kid. That would be a week after I went through the last 2 test on that Wednesday that The Ex felt that joining his class on a field trip was more important than coming with us, but that aside. The Pediatrics Cardiologist was going to call us with the results. In my infinite wisdom I had decided that on the off chance that it would turn out that they had actually diagnosed an active Brugada syndrome in The Kid, it would be best for them to call The Ex instead of me. Cuz, seriously, The Ex is suffering from the syndrome himself and would have so many more questions about it than I could ever think off… So I called in The Ex mobile number at the cardiologist office and that was that. The Ex would call me after the phone call from the cardiologist.

The cardiologist is a shithead who doesn’t read his information… So on the day he called me, in the office, at 3 p.m. which was about an hour earlier than we had agreed he’d call. Because I know what they are like and they won’t call The Ex after explaining it all to me once, I rushed to tell him that we had agreed that he’d call The Ex, gave him the mobile number (”Oh yes, right, I see it now, it is actually in my information here”)… And he proceeded to call him…

I was anxious to hear the results but an hour after The Ex still had not called me… So I tried calling him but traditionally The Ex does not take any calls from my mobile or home number… I called his work, and they told me he had already left for the day… I called him at home… nothing… So I sent him a txt message to ask him to call me and inform me about the results…

FIVE hours later, at 8 p.m., bedtime for The Kid he STILL had not called me… So I sent him the kazillionth txt message (as he was still not picking up the phone) and sure enough, finally, half an hour later he replied in a txt message (in a friggin txt message!) saying: “Everything OK, I’ll give you the details on Tuesday”.

HELL TO THE NAW!!!

I first rushed over to The Kid’s bedroom to tell him that his worries are over for a while. That he came through the tests with flying colors and that we wouldn’t have to go back until next year. He was clearly relieved… Then I rushed a phonecall to The Mom and The Sis to let them know and then I tried calling The Ex again… He refused to call me back!

When I finally spoke to him on Tuesday when he traditionally comes round to bring The Kid home, and he asked me why the fuck I was “terrorizing” him on his mobile on Thursday…

I LOST MY FUCKING SHIT!

And yes, in front of The Kid… I made no mistake in making The Ex fully aware of the fact that:

• I KNEW at what time the cardiologist had called cuz the asshole had called me first by mistake

• I had been trying to contact him since an hour after that

• I think it is fucking rich to not answer any of my calls or txts as I never ever call or txt him about anything futile. When I do it is ALWAYS about The Kid and ALWAYS something that can’t be held off until we see eachother again.

• That a call from my mobile or home number could also be his VERY OWN SON calling

and most important of all

• That it was seriously nasty to hold out information like that from me, but fucking insanely insensitive to keep information like that from his own flesh and blood for FIVE hours!!! His son that is fully aware that he might be suffering from a potentially lethal illness…

Yeah, so I lost my shit right then and there, including raising my voice and shooting fire out of my eyes… I still feel awful about it. I’ve tried to explain to The Kid why I lost my shit, and he has assured me that he understands. I also told him that I really shouldn’t have, of which he said it was OK…

So Matt-Man, like I told you in your comments, I fully understand that it happened to you… Sometimes it happens… I let a lot of shit slide in an attempt to just keep the peace. Much more than most of my relatives and friends would want me to let slide… But it is important to me that The Kid sees his dad and is comfortable with him. But this… I just couldn’t let it slide… I just couldn’t…

• you come home craving something you were sure should be there and then to find out it has been gobbled up by someone else in the household?
• and they couldn’t even be bothered to clean up after themselves and left the empty wrapping in the cupboard?
• the person in front of you in traffic can’t make up his/her mind whether to stay in the right lane or move to the left? back… forth… back… forth…
• you feel like talking to someone and every application keeps informing you “none of your friends are online”?
• kids in the elevator push every button of every floor ,when you are in a fucking hurry to get to the office?
• parents of those kids don’t even blink when they do so?
• your upstairs neighbour decides that 2.30 a.m. is thé best time to practise his piano playing?
• young’un PhD students at the office think that 15 years of experience counts for nothing (sure, DON’T listen to me, see if I care when you fuck up)?
• the dog of the across the street neighbour decides to hump your leg, just when you are trying to get out of the car with your arms filled with office documents?
• the across the street neighbour tells you “he’s never done that before, ever”
• you need a serious meeting with your boss and all he can go on about is the Dutch national soccer team winning their first match against Italy?
• people making lists of what they hate?

OK I’ll stop now… Just needed to get this out of my system.

On the other hand. This made me smile. He was driving in front of me yesterday when I was on my way home from the office. The front had Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs on it… STFU! I was driving! I could hardly turn around and take a pic of the front, ok! Sheesh!

[click to enlarge]

I am guessing he’s (there was a “he” in there, I checked) not the butchest of Dutch truckers… But then I might be wrong. Maybe I should ask TrukinDog. He knows about that shit.