These days with a child to take care off, a full time job, a 2nd job, and all kinds of other stuff going on in my life, life just sometimes seems to swallow me whole and spit me out a week later without any warning… Like I said the other day: I sometimes just feel like I can’t keep up with the pace of life…

Sometimes life just “happens”, you know?

It started when I downloaded the What’sApp application on my iPhone the other day to be able to send messages back and forth with Jill and on my contact list of people who are using the application one of my friends that I hadn’t seen for a while showed up. I sent him a message and we got back in touch and messaged back and forth about all the stuff that has been happening in our lives lately. And we are now in the process of finding a date to meet up so I can catch up with him and his wonderful wife.

And then my thoughts wandered off to a mutual friend of ours, who actually used to be one of my best best friends until a few years ago. We kind of had a blow out about something, our friendship went sort of bust, we tried to reconnect before summer and it never happened…

So this afternoon I sent him a text message to ask him how he was doing and he replied instantly… and asked me to come over for drinks and catching up… As it happened I had to take The Kid to basketball practise near him, so I dropped off The Kid, and then went over to his place for drinks…

From the moment I walked in it was like nothing had ever happened and we reconnected like we had never been apart. I felt instantly comfortable, we had a drink, we talked, we laughed, we reminisced, it was good…

I learned that good friendships are for keeps. I learned that sometimes you just have to get past your grievances and let go of shit that happened in the past because the good by far surpassed the bad…You can always get passed your pride, your busy times, take initiative and reconnect. And if you are real friends, you will welcome eachother back in your lives. No matter what. It just takes reaching out…

I re-gained 2 great friends, and you know what? It feels great!

So here’s to FRIENDSHIP!

Seriously!?

Can someone stop that shit RIGHT NOW!

This year is slipping through my fingers faster than I’d like it to

The date was actually fun… The guy is a very respectful, nice, funny man… And we had a good time. I walked away from the date with a general good feeling and a follow up date for Friday… but also with one thing bugging me… The fact that he felt it necessary to state, several times during the date, that he didn’t want to put a  “claim” on eachother… I asked him several times what he meant by that but his explanation didn’t really “explain” it… I was left with this nagging feeling that he actually meant more by saying that than he was letting on…

So this morning I called him and told him straight out that that particular part was bugging me. That I felt that it meant more than he was ready to admit… And turns out my gutt feeling was right. He basically told me he thinks I am a fantastic woman, that he thinks I am sweet, beautiful, sexy,  and all that, but that he is not ready to commit to exclusively dating anyone right now. No matter how great she is.

Thing is… we are talking widower here… and contrary to what he told me earlier, his wife has not passed away 2-3 years ago but not even 1.5-2 years ago. And he admitted that though he is ready to date, he is not ready to commit emotionally yet. That he has not dealt with the death of his wife, who was the love of is his life, sufficiently to be able to do that. That he wants to “look around” and “play the field” and is mostly looking for companionship and sex. So more like a Friend with Benefits… And he also admitted that even though *I* had been very upfront about not being up for casual and FWB, he had still made a date with me hoping that he might be able to convince me otherwise… He agreed that that had not been fair towards me…

Even though I think it is totally legitimate that in his situation he is not ready to commit emotionally. And even though he still offered me the FWB thing and told me that he was ready to pay my way whatever we do: dates, weekends away, vacations… He is still just looking for mostly sex… and some companionship… And honestly: I just can’t do that. However nice a guy would be and however tempting the prospect of having myself wined and dined for a while…

I did that… for several years in the first years after I got divorced. And though at the time that worked for me, it no longer does. It’s not that I need a ring on my finger or a guarantee things are going to work out with a man, but I need dating to be genuine. With both looking for a genuine relationship. Dating for me does not work if you want different things…Not even if I get treated to champagne, weekends in St Tropez. Because ultimately I would be doing something I really don’t want to do.  I would be betraying my own feelings and that would kill me.

So even though I don’t blame him for emotionally not being ready to commit… I have to be honest to myself and him and decide that I am. And I can’t do this… not even temporarily until I find someone else… It’s just not for me…

It has left me a tad sad and disillusioned again… Because it feels like no matter how honest I am myself upfront… I just can’t win this dating thing…

Yeah, I thought I might as well come out with it straight away… So there you go: I have a date tonight. And this time I actually sincerely have high hopes that this one will work out. I have probably jinxed it by saying so, but this time is the first time in aaaageeesss that I am actually going out on a date with a man that really feels good… That I have no pre-date reservations about…

That’s as much as I can say about it now. I will report back on the date and how it went as soon as I can or feel like it. It might be a total bust, it might be wonderful… we’ll see.

So the point of this post? I need you people to scrape me off the ceiling today.. as I am pretty much in Freak Out Mode over this particular date… As he is so anxious to meet me and has been building me up to be the perfect woman in his mind…

In fact, he was so anxious to meet me that he cancelled his plans for tonight and moved our date up 5 days (as it initially was planned for next Friday) and asked me to not strike Friday out of my calendar yet… Just in case we hit it off…

Aaaaiiiiiiiiiiirrgggggghhh!!! *choke*

Help! Please? I mean shit!!! What if he hates me?

My first full week at the office with finally all the bosses back (I was there last week but half of the faculty was still off or at conferences), had to get loads of stuff done in the 2nd job as well, I enrolled in a training course that will keep me busy for a year to come, ánd it was The Kid’s first week in high school… It’s been a rollercoaster week, both physically and emotionally.

So time for a *happy dance* which I am going to do to this funky song I heard for the first time 2 days ago.

Cee Lo Green "Fuck You"

Have a good Friday!!!

The Anne Frank Tree

The Anne Frank tree was a horse-chestnut tree in the city center of Amsterdam that was featured in Anne Frank’s “The Diary of a Young Girl”.  Anne Frank described the tree from The Annexe, the building where she and her family were hiding from the Nazis during World War II.

On 23 February 1944 she writes about the tree: “Nearly every morning I go to the attic to blow the stuffy air out of my lungs, from my favorite spot on the floor I look up at the blue sky and the bare chestnut tree, on whose branches little raindrops shine, appearing like silver, and at the seagulls and other birds as they glide on the wind. As long as this exists, I thought, and I may live to see it, this sunshine, the cloudless skies, while this lasts I cannot be unhappy”.

The tree is estimated between 150 and 170 years old, and for the past several years it has been battling both a fungus and a moth infestation. The Borough Amsterdam Centrum declared that the tree had to be cut down on 20 November 2007 due to the risk that it could otherwise fall down, but on 21 November 2007 a judge issued a temporary injunction stopping the removal. Second opinion analysis by the Dutch Tree Foundation has shown that there exists no acute danger of collapse. The Foundation and the neighbours developed an alternative plan to save the tree. The neighbours and supporters formed the Foundation Support Anne Frank Tree which carried out the suggested supporting construction and took over the maintenance of the tree.

And then finally yesterday… the tree said *snap!* after high winds came over the city center of Amsterdam. A landmark is no more. The Anne Frank Tree has snapped and is gone. It may sound futile, but somehow that tree was part of important history, and it’s sad that it’s gone now. It belonged to the Anne Frank House and the Anne Frank story. But then, even trees don’t live forever, I guess…

*drumroll*

Champagne!

Seriously, I am NOT shitting you. We had champagne… like for real… during working hours… out in the open… in plastic cups… on MONDAY

One of our PhD students had his first article published and he had it published in Circulation. Most of you may not realize (nor care) about this but getting your first article (or any article) published in Circulation is a big deal. A huge big deal.

So he went out, got a bottle of champagne, got a batch of plastic cups from my stash at the secretariat and poored, anyone who would have one, a plastic cup with champagne. So HELL yeah… * holding out plastic cup * Poor me one, babe! I was there!

The Chief was not in the office at the time. He came walking back to his office just as we were all returning to our offices after finishing our drink. One of my other bosses told him he had missed out on champagne…

The Chief: “Champagne? Where?”
Other Boss: “In X’s office, on occassion of getting published in Circulation”
The Chief: “Pfff, I don’t do champagne in plastic cups”
Other Boss: “Oh, so what you are saying is that you’re a snob?”
The Chief: “And proud of it!”

I might complain about work at times, and Mondays in particular, but seriously, I love my peeps and I love my job.

And The Chief? He’s wrong. Dude! If there is FREE booze on MONDAYafternoon in the OFFICE during OFFICE HOURS I would drink it from a plastic cup ANYTIME! Ha! I’d drink it from… from… whatever!

… and now YOU are having a COMPLETE and UTTER cow over me having a male friend over for dinner last night?

* crickets *

Have I got news for you: if you are, even before dating me, already having a cow over shit like that and you can’t accept the fact that, aside from girl-friends, I also have guy-friends? Then we are done even before we have begun… Welcome to the club: you are one of those kind of men I was referring to last Friday…

If you date me, you accept me for who I am and you also have to accept that I socialize with both women ánd men. And that my guy friends are to me the same as my girl friends: FRIENDS… nothing more but certainly nothing less. And I am dropping none of their wonderful arses for any man…

Especially a man that hasn’t even begun to date me…

Hell to the No!

Since he is a gourmet food lover, and as it has been aaaageeess since I really did some gourmet cooking , ánd it has been even longer since I have tried any really new recipes… I decided that this would be a good opportunity to go for it tonight and enjoy an evening of good food and great company.

The main course for tonight is going to be

* Chicken with calvados sauce*

* Green beans with walnut dressing *

* Potato squares with parmezan cheese and basil *

and for dessert

* Marinated strawberries with lime mascarpone cream *

I hope all the recipes work out and turn out looking like the pictures in this post. Aside from the potato squares I haven’t tried any of them before.

So I am looking forward to a nice day of preparations and cooking, which I love. Catching up with a great friend, which I love as well. And then I *might* have a glass of wine… or two… or…

Sooo foodie-loha! See you on the flip side! Have a great Sunday!

She knew it was coming up sooner than later, but now that it has happened, it’s a bitch. My wonderful British friend Lady Penelope has had to have her ancient cat Charlie euthanised the other day.

The times I visited Penelope Manor that bugger Charlie was always around. He was old, kinda fluffy and sticky, drinking from the kitchen tap. Mostly minding his own business really. Sweet old guy…

So for you, old old kitty cat: GOODBYE

And for you, sweet sweet Penelope, Master P and Miss P: *HUG*

Oh and Lady P? Look! –> * raindancing * !