So… day 2 at Penelope Manor and well, we did… kinda… sorta… do… ehm… nothing…

Well, not reaaaallly nothing… we did get up (me with the headphones of my iTouch still in my ears, guess I passed out right after getting into bed)… one of us took a Advil400 to get rid of the pounding head… chatted… have tea… chatted… some of us had a hearty English breakfast… chatted… hung around… chatted… blogged… chatted… Facebooked… chatted… one of us traced a DHL courier package and was relieved that it is finally in transit to the US… chatted… had a bath… chatted… talked to Delmer on the phone… chatted.. chatted… chatted… one of us faked wanting to get her (uni)brow waxed, having the other one tag along for the sole purpose of a great blogpost, and then “magically” the eyebrow-wax-girl was not in today… chatted… had a nap… chatted… slumped around a bit more… chatted… chatted… chatted… one of us smoked like a chimney… chatted… one of us was used as a beanbag by the cat… chatted… watched TV… chatted… one of us got increasingly excited about the US trip ahead tomorrow (Squeeee)… chatted… someone went out to get new chickenbreast cuz she forgot to get the other one out of the freezer… chatted… chatted… chatted… had a gorgeous dinner… chatted… ate way too much… chatted… one of us had a fluttering stomach realizing that tomorrow by that time she’d be with The Guy… chatted… did the dishes… chatted… chatted… wondering where the day went… chatted…

Yeah, so pretty much that was it… we didn’t leave the house except for the fake-wax appointment… Which was fine, we had a great time getting to know eachother, though it feels like we’ve known eachother for ages… cuz ya know… we now know for sure that even despite the 1 year age difference we MUST have been twins seperated at birth… I mean… we just áre!

By the time this post, that I am writing on Saturdayevening, airs I hope to be on the way to Heathrow airport to check in for my flight to Raleigh and about 12 hours later (check in time, meeting up with The Chief and one of his British colleagues who is flying with us, waiting for boarding, boarding, flight time, arrival, bagage claim, and shit) I desperately hope to be freaking the hell out at Raleigh airport at the first glimpse of The Guy! I have told The Chief beforehand that I am gonna seriously loose it for a bit when I can jump into his arms and to just get over witnessing that… I mean, ya know… I can’t be held accountable for the psychological harm that witnessing that might cause him… NOT my problem… Pfffrrrttt!!!

Hon!!! I SO canNOT wait to be there!!! To be in your arms… I am not only counting seconds anymore, I am counting it by the milliseconds by now…!!!

Yeah, so the first leg of my trip has been an absolute succes and I think that I can add a new person to my “friends for life” list… It’s not a long list but Penelope is going to be on there. It has been excruciatingly fun spending a few days with Penelope!!! I had thé bestestestestest time! She is a great friend, a great host, a great cook, and an absolute pleasure to be with! Thanks Pen! And yes, dear, I WILL message you as soon as I have touched down to let you know if it all worked out, The Guy is there, and hopefully nothing fucked up our plans… If YOU promise me to message me about your day as soon as you return back home from it as well…

Tata for now! I will be back with news as soon as I am in the US and had a chance to get on line. Raleigh here I come!!!

OK I am here… after a fairly uneventful fligth, meeting a woman from Seattle that actually works in the same medical center many of my Seattle friends are working at… anyway, I have arrived at the U.K.

First of all, can I just say, for anyone planning to come over to the U.K. in the next few weeks for tourist purposes… Monsoon season has commenced and by the looks of it, it won’t be ending any time soon… I don’t think I have e.v.e.r. seen that much water coming from the skies in my life! It’s either that, or Neil Diamond is very distressed and crying a lot..

And for anyone who read Penelope’s post of yesterday: THERE WASN”T ANY FUCKING WINE LEFT WHEN I ARRIVED HERE, CUZ THE LADY HERSELF HAD FINISHED 4 BOTTLES EARLIER THIS WEEK!!! The bottles on the pic? She dragged them from the recycling bin in the shed just for the sole purpose of making a picture of me. Just sayin’…

(she is making the “whatever” sign at me, but ya know, what-e-vah!)

Yeah, so I truly went thru her house to take pics and this is what I came up with…

OK, so ya know.. the Neil Diamond thing… I can handle that… but seriously… drinking tea from Neil Diamond mugs… It’s like… well… eeewwwww!!! And owning the 2002, 2005 ánd 2008 mug… Well… I rest my case…

And the Project Penelope she is on about all the time? Seriously? I don’t think those guys know what they are getting into… Yes, again, I went through her house taking pictures. But only because I want you to see what she is really like… Black Widow Penelope… Those guys replying to her on the dating site, begging her to date them? The ones that have a date with her in the next few weeks? I REALLY REEAALLY don’t think what they are getting into!!!

Cuz seriously she is kinda pretty much hung up on this one guy already

And ehm… you reaaally think that this thing (see below) is for Monty The Wonderdog? He’s cute… Very cute… but ya know… I don’t see him wearing this.. he doesn’t need it… He will just tag along and not dash off by himself anyway… So ya know… just sayin’

And ehm… really, seriously… do you actually think that she uses the below stuff to get a fire in the fireplace going? I am not saying anything other than that the fireplace looks like it hasn’t had a fire roaring in it for a loooong time… Lilywhite (STFU! the picture is kinda off… OK?)

And ya know… I am sitting here… and all she does is booze and smoke, really…

Yeah, so much for hot dating material…

I can’t wait to find out what today will be like. I got informed yesterday, within 5 mins of driving off the airport parking, that today she’s gonna have her (uni)brow waxed… Yeah, no worries. I AM tagging along and I AM taking pics… So watch THIS space!!!

Ehm… Hon? Can we NOT do any Neil Diamond, dog collars, smoking, and waxing unibrows from Sunday!? Let’s DO the boozing though… and loads of sex getting my hips back into shape, heh…

It’s crunch time today… the last day of packing up the department… the last day of arranging the move for next Monday… the last day to tackle the numerous last minute problems and isssues that surfaced this week…

It has been the fucking Week from Hell! Seriously. I don’t think work-wise I’ve had many worse weeks than this one. I spent 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. at the office damage controlling, running after people to get their shit packed and everything done (I am definetely not the most popular person at the office right now), doing our own packing at the secretariat and datamanagement, packing up the bosses’ offices, damage controlling some more… and then going home, picking up The Kid, having dinner, put The Kid to bed and then from home doing the regular office work that I have no chance doing during the day… I think both Monday and Tuesday I put my head down on my pillow at about 02.00 a.m. and yesterday at 01.30 a.m.

I’ve been calling the medical centers couriers service about 6 times/day because a “very important package” is on its way to the US and they fucked up by having it stuck in Brussels, Belgium for 3 days now… Finally, after 2.5 days they found that that was due to a lost invoice, something that cóuld have been fixed within 5 mins… But ya know, it’s just not thát kinda week.. that things get fixed in 5 mins…

The department looks like a fucking warzone… Boxes everywhere, junk that needs to be disposed off everywhere. I keep having to correct people who try to stuff their boxes with shit that we agreed upon throwing away.. Seriously! I am working with 40 hoarders! Sheesh! We had to get pictures off the wall that were stuck on there with double sided tape, ending up with holes in the fucking walls… Well, see if I care, we’re out of there on Monday and after that they are bulldozing the place, so who gives a shit, right?

Today is my last day in the office before The Big Move. On Monday, when the movers come over to haul 450 boxes and other shit to the new location (2 floors down), my ass will hopefully be in Raleigh, snuggling up to The Guy…

So yeah… tomorrow is crunch time… and then at 4 p.m. my ass is OUTTA THERE!!!

I will catch a train to Schiphol airport, check in my luggage, go through customs and then finally sit my ass down with a HUGE bucket of Starbucks heaven and take a break from it all and everyone, before I get on my plane to London, where I will be visiting Penelope!!! Yes, her and I are gonna be meeting up!!! From Fridaynight I will be coming “Live from Lady Penelope Manor”… She just informed me that she took the rats out of her daughters room, in which I will be staying. Gotta love her for that… Right? I mean, I bet she does not do that for just anyone, right?

And then on Sunday the woman is rushing me back to the airport early morning for me to check in for my flight to … Raleigh! Where I need to go for business purposes and hopefully will get to spend a few days with The Guy as well! Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! I managed to limit my business obligations to just Monday during the day and maybe dinner one of the nights I am there. Other than that The Chief, gotta love that man, is allowing me to spend my time with The Guy. But still keep your fingers crossed that nothing will fuck that up!!! I will believe it is happening, when I am physically jumping in his arms…

But first, to the office.. to bite some heads off… Wish me luck!

UPDATE in two word word sentences:

Rain Season

Insane Driving

Pink Room

Lots (of) Wine

Drunk Bitches

Long Cable

Both Bloggin

Neil Diamond

Sheesh! Those Mom’s at The Kid’s school n.e.v.e.r cease to amaze me. I go to school the first Wednesdayafternoon, the only day in the week I get to pick up The Kid from school, since the schoolyear started and it’s bull’s eye already…

I have been divorced from The Ex for over 6.5 years now. It’s fine, it was my choice. I don’t get alimony. I don’t want it, never have. Things between me and The Ex ended in such a way that I would never want to take money from him. And besides, even if they hadn’t, I still wouldn’t want to. I can take care of myself. I had already been working parttime when we were still married and since I had The Kid. And with the help of The Chief, bless him, I was able to switch to a fulltime job from about the moment I walked out the door of our family home. I pull fulltime hours át the office and about double it with the work I do aside from that at home, including some extra jobs to bring in the necessary cash.

The Kid lives with me. His dad does not pay any childsupport either. Don’t ask. I don’t even want to go into that one anymore. He doesn’t and probably never will. I am done with that too. I work fulltime, I take care of myself and The Kid, he officially lives with me, we have a nice appartment, I make sure he sees his dad plenty and spends time with him, money is tight but we still have a good life. That’s it. It is what it is.

The number of mothers at The Kid’s school who slam me over the head for that… OMFG! And I think they don’t even mean to that much. It’s just total ignorance. And really, maybe that’s even worse.

We live in a small town, The Kid goes to school in the neighbouring town. He had already started school there before the divorce and as so much was changing in his life, and we decided to keep him there until everything including places to live got worked out. In the end, he ended up staying at the school indefinetely.

So here I am, on Wednesday afternoon, picking up The Kid from school. I am not the regular chatterbox at the school playground, waiting for the kids to get out of school, cuz frankly, past years have already made me realize I don’t have much in common with the mothers that are out there. But nevertheless, I go out there and wait and chat with some of them… but there is always, ALWAYS one of “them” out there… Just waiting for a chance to get on their high horse.

Ignorant Mom: “Ehm… Hi… You are The Kid’s Mom, aren’t you?”
DutchBitch: “Yes, I am. You are [insert kid's name] Mom, right?
Ignorant Mom: “Yes, I am. So ehm… I only see you around here on Wednesdays. Does The Kid go home by himself on the other days?”
DutchBitch: “No, he goes to Edith, across the street, who takes care of him before and after school till I get out of the office”
Ignorant Mom: “You mean you work fulltime!? Seriously! I could neeeeeeeeeeeeeever work with the kids still this young. Not even partime, let alone fulltime. I can’t believe you would do that!”
[OK, here we go... a.g.a.i.n.]
DutchBitch: “Yeah, well, not everyone has that choice”
Ignorant Mom: “Oh, I feel that everyone doés have a choice”
DutchBitch: “I would have to disagree with you there”
Ignorant Mom: “Well, your husband has a job right? He must earn plenty to support your family seeing as you only have 1 child anyway”
DutchBitch: “I don’t have a husband. There is such a thing as divorce. I went through that. I am divorced. I take care of The Kid and myself, by myself. Hence I work fulltime”
Ignorant Mom: “Oh really? But don’t you get alimony? And child support?”
DutchBitch: “Seriously, not that it is any of your business but NO, I don’t. So I háve to work fulltime. I do not have a choice in the matter. If I don’t work, there’s no food on the table”
Ignorant Mom: “Well, I still don’t know if I would go to work fulltime. I mean, us parents have a responsibility to raise our kids right and well, working fulltime…”
DutchBitch: “Look, let me interrupt you here. I am really happy for you that you don’t háve to work fulltime, but trust me, if you were at that point in your life you would háve no choice but to go to work fulltime. And let me tell you something else: the fact that I work fulltime, because I have to keep afloat, does not make me a bad mother. I am as good a mother as any. I cherish the time I have with my kid. There is no way around it. I work fulltime, so he goes to school and daycare, and I spend as much time with him as I can. And honestly, I think I do pretty well as a Mom. Don’t judge things you don’t know anything about, ok”

Ignorant Bitch then walked off mumbling something that kinda sounded like “bitch”… I couldn’t care less, Ignorant Cow! I am really happy for her that she is having an easier life than I am, with a loving husband, enough money to go around and not having to work. She just needs to shut the fuck up about shit she clearly has no clue about. I am not judging her or any of the other Mom’s that don’t work. Whatever their reasons for it and whether I would agree with them. She is just one of many though, that I’ve encountered in the past 7 years at that school playground…

Yes, I do work, fulltime, and some odd other extra jobs when I can. I have to. Yes, I make long hours. Yes, I have to attend office functions in evenings and abroad at times too. I have a good life though. Good enough anyway. Though times are tough, I still feel that way. I’ve learned to cherish the little things and not sweat it too much. I got thru a shitty divorce and 1.5 year being without a place to live after that. I am fucking proud of myself for the way I came out of that. Sure, money is tight and so is free personal time. However, I have the greatest son that I love to pieces and that loves me. I have the most wonderful -though long distance- boyfriend whom I love incredibly, and him and my son get on very well. I have the support of The Sis, The BIL and The Mom, ánd the cutest Lill Niece. I have a roof over my head and -though limited- I can still live my life mostly the way I want to.

And seriously? I think that I do a decent job as a Mom as far as I am concerned, especially under the circumstances. I may not be the best Mom in the world but I do the best I know how. And I would seriously dare those Ignorant Bitches to try all that and succeed…

They just get under my skin with their ignorant remarks. Though I am a tough bitch, those remarks hurt me. Because they imply that my own happiness and satisfaction would be more important to me than that of my child. And that working fulltime means I can’t possibly be a good Mom. I wish people would think a bit more about what they are saying and maybe realize that life is not the same for everyone.

The only thing important to me is that The Kid will grow up to be a wonderful man and that I had something to do with that. And that he will look back at his childhood and feel that I did an OK job, considering the circumstances. I really hope he will someday. Because thát is what matters most to me…

OK this (banned) Dutch commercial just cracks me up…

You might NOT wanna watch this at the workplace… at least not with the sound turned up high..

Just sayin’

I am noticing something about my body as of late… past few months really… I mean, other than that it’s not tanned the way it should be at the end of summer, goddammit…

Seriously… I think I am falling apart… I think some bolts and screws inside are coming loose…

STFU! I am not joking. I am being completely serious here! My body might be falling apart while we speak and all you can do is laugh? I can see those tears squirting from your eyes, don’t think I don’t see it! Pffft!

Ok, get yourself together and listen to me. My bones are popping… and ya know… my limberability (that is SO a word!) is fading… I used to be able to do summersaults and backflips on the trampoline! Shit! Well, ok, granted, I was 13 at the time, but still. That is only umm… 25 years ago… I mean, WTF happened between now and then?

My knees are popping when I’ve sat down on the couch and get up. And I gotta tell ya, several people around me have suffered the consequences of can vouch for the fact that I absolutely positively háte other people popping their joints in front of me. Popping fingers, toes, whatever joint we are talking about. I hate it! And now, I have started popping myself. And I am not even trying to do so. It just happens, by itself, when I move…

And don’t even get me stárted on my hips! Holy Mother of God! They get stuck! STUCK! When I squat down on the floor or whatever and I have to get up (which in itself is not proving that easy anymore these days either, holy shit, I sound like an 80 year old), I move up, try to stand and then I can feel my hip is not right. Like it’s partly out of its socket or whatever… It doesn’t hurt, well not really, but ya know… it feels weird. And the only way to get it right it to kick out my leg attached to the corresponding hip until it pops back… Whew!!!

And can you even begin to imagine how annoying that is in certain *cough* sexual *cough* positions *cough*? And seriously, WTF is up with all those muscles cramping up during *cough* sex *cough* as a result of trying not to have my hip pop out of place? I mean, can’t I catch a fucking break?

If this is what you get for living healthy, getting pretty regular exercise (hey, even though I don’t do sports, I hike, I bike and I take the stairs every chance I get, and that’s good enough for me) and rest, well fuck my body! OK, maybe that’s was not meant to be addressed to all of you literally… But you get my drift…

*pop* *pop* *pop*

I think I need more sex… that’s the best form of exercise, right? Right? Yeah, more sex! Hon!!!?

OK, for once I am gonna do this. I’ve seen others do it and I am just too friggin curious to resist the urge to do it as well…

So here goes. This is addressed to you: the lurkin’ people… Cuz I know you are there! My stats are showing way more people reading this blog than commenting on it. Obviously commenting is not compulsory, in fact: not at all, and you might have your reasons for not commenting, which is fine…

I am just SO curious as to who you all are! So ehm… can you please come out of the woodworks, if only just once? Please? I am dying to get to know you!

I’m not a dangerous bitch… I don’t spit (well, sometimes when I speak but only when I am really passionate about something… sorta… thingy…), I don’t bite (really, I don’t! And if any of the regulars here show up with teethmark pics… I am denying everything), and I don’t really kick those stiletto heels into anyone… well, not unless they really piss me off or want me to…

And I’ll make it worth your while… The *bleep*th and the *bleep*th new commenters receive a small gift. A token of my appreciation. Yeah… like I am gonna tell you the numbers and have you all wait until the numbers come up and then rush over here to get it right! Pffrtttt… I am NOT stupid you know, even though I used to be a blonde. I have left the numbers with Mah Girl Jill and the person that makes that comment, I will contact and we’ll get the gift sent off to you. That also means: do nót forget to put your email address in the comments section!!!

Yeah, so, make my day, ok? I am off now for my first day at the office after summer break. I managed to stay away from the office email in the past weeks, so there will probably be a kazillion emails waiting for me, as well as tons of people at my desk ánd this week we need to finalize packing up the department as next week we’re moving the whole shit downstairs! Well, other people will as I will be elsewhere, heh, but anyway. This is gonna be the week from HELL! So all you lurkers (ánd regulars of course) leave me some luvin’ in the comments section?

Thanks! You rock!

Dear… Um, no… Hello… anyone there? Summer?,

Yes, this is addressed to you. You, that to me are going into your last day… Yes, I know you are not officially over yet, but hey! Let’s face it, we can’t actually say that you seriously started at any point in time either, now, can we? I mean WTF were you thinking?!!

You should be deeply ashamed of yourself!!! Still daring to go by the name Summer. Pfffrrtttt! You call thís summer? WTF? I think I’ve seen more rain in June, July and August than e.v.e.r. before! And I don’t think I’ve seen this little sun before either… Yeah, so fuck you! Summer! You ruined it all: annual office outing, annual school outing, school sports day, summer vacation, weekends. Fuck Fuck Fuck YOU!

What the hell!?!? What? Did you guys think it was fun to change seats? And just for fuck’s sake you changed places with Fall? Yeah, I guess. And knowing my luck Fall will think the joke is up after this and take it’s rightful place in line again and ya know… you will be passed over completely…

Or were you too busy looking at compromizing pics of Winter and Spring and jerking off while doing so? Goddammit!!! I mean, ya know, everyone’s got his or her needs but can you please fucking do that in your own time? There’s no need to punish us for your whacked libido, huh?

You better shape up next year, cuz I am not sure Mother Nature is amused either. I mean, you are goddammit fucking up her whole schedule! She’s having to rush left and right to damage control your ass, and not just here, but all over the world! Yeah, you didn’t stop to think about thát, now did you? And to be honest, I don’t envy you here. I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of a scorned Mother Nature. I mean, she ís a woman, afterall.

So SUCK IT UP, shape up and get back to what you were hired to do: give us nice temperatures, and sun! Loads of SUN! Kick some ass and get it right next time, cuz ya know… by now your job is seriously on the line and you are out dah door if you don’t fucking get it right and do your thang in 2009.

Oh, and if you decide to kinda shuv Fall aside for a few weeks and well… give us some preview of what is to come next year… ya know, the good kind, the getting it right kind… Be my guest.

If not, get the FUCK out of my face… Cuz this year’s summer has just been craptastic! And my stilletto’s are not afraid to kick your ass either! I’ve gotten re-acquainted with my umbrella, my rainboots, my sweaters and shit like that waaaaay too well over the past months!!!

Furiously Yours,

DutchBitch

I know, I know. You are used to seeing Dutch-A-Pimpin’ out here on Saturday. It’s been on hiatus over the summer but it will be back mid-September.

It hás to be mid-September as next week I will be coming live from Penelope’s place, where I’ll be visiting for a few days on my way to The Guy!!! And I am sure that will result in some blog fodder! I am hoping for loads of teary eye laughter, hilarious conversations and wine!!! Lots of wine! Uh, and maybe sóme food, but not necessarily… Wine is the name of the game.

So from Saturday September 13 Dutch-A-Pimpin’ will be back. There’s 2 blogs in line waiting to be pimped (Trust me, girls, though it has been a while, I have not forgotten about you) and I need new victims volunteers to fill the pimpin’ quarters after that.

So if you feel like having your blog pimped out in a Saturday post and have your blog thumbnail up there in my sidebar for a week, drop me a line! It’s a great way to get to know new people in the blogosphere and drive some new fresh traffic to your blog. Interested? Click the Dutch-A-Pimpin’ tab up there for some information. You can also click the Dutch-A-Pimpin’ category for an overview of past Dutch-A-Pimpin’ posts.

So, there. I promise, soon things at The Dutch Files will be back to normal. Well, as “normal” as they can be around here, anyway. This is the last weekend of my summer break and on Monday I’ll be back to the office and back to the grind… Though summer break has not been all that it’s cracked up to be this year, I am taking this opportunity to try and at least enjoy this last weekend… as much as possible with a throat infection coming on… Yeah, after shitty weather, tight money, fucked up Schiermonnikoog holiday, and friends in bad spots, that was about the only thing still missing about this summer break… pfffrrrttt!!!

Anyways. No use in sitting around and whining about it, it is what it is, and I’ll just enjoy some of the peace and quiet before we blast off into school- and working life again on Monday.

Have a good Saturday! Latah!